Resolved to Go Forward

Updates: 

• I apologize for the delay in posting this week’s update! My infusions have been moved to Thursdays and I was unable to write it until today due to the side effects of the chemo. 
• I have three more infusions to go before the end of treatment PET scan. 
• Unfortunately, I have developed a cough again and an increase in night sweats. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

• I am thankful for a successful 9^th treatment! I did not throw up during this treatment. Praise the Lord! Our family is also over the stomach bug and feeling much better!
• My medical team is trying to determine the source of my increased cough. Back in July, I was coughing every five minutes. My cough subsided when the lymph nodes in my lungs started to reduce. But a cough has returned. Is it a side effect of the chemo? Is the cough due to another illness? Is it the remaining cancer? I got an X-ray yesterday, which will hopefully find or rule out an infection in my lungs. 
• Please pray that my cough subsides and my night sweats go away completely. Pray the doctors can determine more information in the coming week.

What I am Learning: 

• Each night when I am unable to sleep, I read some in the Gospel of Luke. This section from Jesus’ instruction was simultaneously jarring and comforting to me. 

“I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:4–7)

• Jesus calls his disciples his “friends” and is preparing them for the future. How does he prepare them? He tells them to fear God more than the future. Fear the Lord who determines the destiny of your soul rather than fearing what can end your earthly life. He proceeds to give the famous illustration of how God cares for the sparrows yet cares even more for us – his “friends.” In addition to this, Jesus says the hairs of our heads are numbered! God knows exactly what will happen to each of them. 
• From our vantage point, the future feels uncertain at times. Take, for example, my cough and night sweats. I do not yet understand what is causing them, and the doctors don’t understand yet, either. But the Lord does. God already has my future securely planned, even though it seems uncertain.
• If you are a Christian, the Lord has a good future planned out for you. You are more valuable than the birds of the air which God takes care of regularly. You are his friend and precious to him. As believers in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, we have a sure path ahead of us which is always for our good and God’s glory. In times of trouble, we feel the uncertainty of the future, but our future is always secure in Christ. Fear God, not your future! 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

• Early on in this journey I mentioned that Jenny and I enjoyed watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy in 15-minute increments at night before bed. We completed the movies, and I picked up reading the trilogy in the night when I am unable to sleep. I read the Gospel of Luke and then read Lord of the Rings. The stories in LOTR are ones of courage, hope, and perseverance in the face of dark and foreboding evil. 
• I have been encouraged by the scene in which the traveling Fellowship found rest in the beautiful woods of Lorien. They were able to rest and have peace among the golden trees for a season. This was a welcome change to their perilous and difficult journey. But the time came for them to leave this secret oasis and press forward to cast the ring into the depths of Mt. Doom. Tolkien writes, 

That night the Company was again summoned to the chamber of Celeborn, and there the Lord and Lady greeted them with fair words. At length Celeborn spoke of their departure. ‘Now is the time,’ he said, ‘when those who wish to continue the Quest must harden their hearts to leave this land. Those who no longer wish to go forward may remain here, for a while. But whether they stay or go, none can be sure of peace. For we are come now to the edge of doom. Here those who wish may await the oncoming of the hour till either the ways of the world lie open again, or we summon them to the last need of Lórien. Then they may return to their own lands, or else go to the long home of those that fall in battle.’ 

There was a silence. ‘They all resolved to go forward,’ said Galadriel looking in their eyes.

(Tolkien, J.R.R.. The Lord Of The Rings: One Volume (p. 367). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.)

• I have had many moments in which I thought, “I don’t want to do another chemo treatment.” Or “I wish I didn’t have to get this surgery and just stop it all so that I could enjoy a more normal life for a season.” “My family has already been through so much!” These thoughts are foolish. If I were to stop treatment now, I would be able to have several months of a more “normal” life, and then I would be right back where I started – with aggressive, deadly cancer returning quickly. My doctors are optimistic that I will recover and be cured soon, but I must stay the course. 
• If I turn back from this quest, it may take some time, but it will mean certain doom for me. If I continue this quest, it might mean doom, but it also might be the very thing that saves my life. The only real decision is to move forward and not turn back. 
• I am resolved to go forward on this quest because it is my only real option and because I know that in Christ, my future is certain. I might not always know what the future holds, but Jesus promises to be with me through the fire and the flood. So, we press on and are resolved to go forward! 

     But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. (Isaiah 43:1–5)