Category: Christian Living

Resolved to Go Forward

Updates: 

  • I apologize for the delay in posting this week’s update! My infusions have been moved to Thursdays and I was unable to write it until today due to the side effects of the chemo. 
  • I have three more infusions to go before the end of treatment PET scan. 
  • Unfortunately, I have developed a cough again and an increase in night sweats. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful for a successful 9th treatment! I did not throw up during this treatment. Praise the Lord! Our family is also over the stomach bug and feeling much better!
  • My medical team is trying to determine the source of my increased cough. Back in July, I was coughing every five minutes. My cough subsided when the lymph nodes in my lungs started to reduce. But a cough has returned. Is it a side effect of the chemo? Is the cough due to another illness? Is it the remaining cancer? I got an X-ray yesterday, which will hopefully find or rule out an infection in my lungs. 
  • Please pray that my cough subsides and my night sweats go away completely. Pray the doctors can determine more information in the coming week.

What I am Learning: 

  • Each night when I am unable to sleep, I read some in the Gospel of Luke. This section from Jesus’ instruction was simultaneously jarring and comforting to me. 

“I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:4–7)

  • Jesus calls his disciples his “friends” and is preparing them for the future. How does he prepare them? He tells them to fear God more than the future. Fear the Lord who determines the destiny of your soul rather than fearing what can end your earthly life. He proceeds to give the famous illustration of how God cares for the sparrows yet cares even more for us – his “friends.” In addition to this, Jesus says the hairs of our heads are numbered! God knows exactly what will happen to each of them. 
  • From our vantage point, the future feels uncertain at times. Take, for example, my cough and night sweats. I do not yet understand what is causing them, and the doctors don’t understand yet, either. But the Lord does. God already has my future securely planned, even though it seems uncertain.
  • If you are a Christian, the Lord has a good future planned out for you. You are more valuable than the birds of the air which God takes care of regularly. You are his friend and precious to him. As believers in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, we have a sure path ahead of us which is always for our good and God’s glory. In times of trouble, we feel the uncertainty of the future, but our future is always secure in Christ. Fear God, not your future! 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Early on in this journey I mentioned that Jenny and I enjoyed watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy in 15-minute increments at night before bed. We completed the movies, and I picked up reading the trilogy in the night when I am unable to sleep. I read the Gospel of Luke and then read Lord of the Rings. The stories in LOTR are ones of courage, hope, and perseverance in the face of dark and foreboding evil. 
  • I have been encouraged by the scene in which the traveling Fellowship found rest in the beautiful woods of Lorien. They were able to rest and have peace among the golden trees for a season. This was a welcome change to their perilous and difficult journey. But the time came for them to leave this secret oasis and press forward to cast the ring into the depths of Mt. Doom. Tolkien writes, 

That night the Company was again summoned to the chamber of Celeborn, and there the Lord and Lady greeted them with fair words. At length Celeborn spoke of their departure. ‘Now is the time,’ he said, ‘when those who wish to continue the Quest must harden their hearts to leave this land. Those who no longer wish to go forward may remain here, for a while. But whether they stay or go, none can be sure of peace. For we are come now to the edge of doom. Here those who wish may await the oncoming of the hour till either the ways of the world lie open again, or we summon them to the last need of Lórien. Then they may return to their own lands, or else go to the long home of those that fall in battle.’ 

There was a silence. ‘They all resolved to go forward,’ said Galadriel looking in their eyes.

(Tolkien, J.R.R.. The Lord Of The Rings: One Volume (p. 367). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.)

  • I have had many moments in which I thought, “I don’t want to do another chemo treatment.” Or “I wish I didn’t have to get this surgery and just stop it all so that I could enjoy a more normal life for a season.” “My family has already been through so much!” These thoughts are foolish. If I were to stop treatment now, I would be able to have several months of a more “normal” life, and then I would be right back where I started – with aggressive, deadly cancer returning quickly. My doctors are optimistic that I will recover and be cured soon, but I must stay the course. 
  • If I turn back from this quest, it may take some time, but it will mean certain doom for me. If I continue this quest, it might mean doom, but it also might be the very thing that saves my life. The only real decision is to move forward and not turn back. 
  • I am resolved to go forward on this quest because it is my only real option and because I know that in Christ, my future is certain. I might not always know what the future holds, but Jesus promises to be with me through the fire and the flood. So, we press on and are resolved to go forward! 

     But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. (Isaiah 43:1–5)

Although I would not choose to be isolated away from everyone, I found my time in isolation productive for sleeping, reading, working, writing, praying, and creating. Here is a small painting I made during one of my times in isolation. It is my first time using just a painter’s knife. It is Frodo and Sam on the final leg of their journey to Mt. Doom.

Tyndale’s Cell and My Cells

Updates: 

  • Due to my recent surgeries, my chemo treatment had to change slightly. My next infusion is scheduled for January 2nd.
  • Christmas morning dawned, and I awoke to find that Jenny had already been up for hours sick. She had a bad stomach bug, so we isolated her and delayed opening gifts. The next morning, our 1-year-old came down with the sickness, and I am now back in isolation away from sickness. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful that I am not sick! This is the second time in a month that I have had to be in isolation, but it is a real praise that I haven’t caught whatever illness my family contracted. Please pray that I remain healthy and they recover soon! 
  • I have four chemo infusions left in my treatment plan. My medical team remains optimistic the cancer will be gone by the end. Jenny (in between all her hard work) texted me this prayer this morning: “Praying that God would heal you fully and completely even now, ridding your body of every cancer cell and replacing it with good healthy cells that you can use to glorify Him.” 

What I am Learning: 

  • I will admit I didn’t take the news of having to be isolated over the holidays well. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” My heart was a bit more than sick. It was Scrooge on Christmas. 
  • But the biggest problem I had on Christmas was not my unfortunate circumstances – it was my sin. My sour outlook only made things worse and sucked out the joy I could have had on Christmas day. By the end of the day, my perspective had changed, and my heart was grateful for various blessings from the Lord. 

 “I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!” (Psalm 34:1–3) 

  • This Psalm has been on repeat in the background of my mind for months now. Yet I failed to think of the first verse in which the Psalmist says he will bless the Lord “at all times” and “his praise shall continually be in my mouth.” When I was frustrated on Christmas morning by the reality of our family being separated, I missed the opportunity to increase my joy and bless the Lord. God did not do anything wrong to us and he has only been faithful during this difficult season. There are countless reasons to be grateful and praise his name “at all times.” 
  • I am thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning in Jesus Christ. The first Christmas was about Christ coming into the world to save sinners and make us clean through his life, death, and resurrection. I am thankful to God that I can experience that forgiveness and hope even when I respond poorly to the sickness of the holidays. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I finally watched the sermon John Piper preached at the Missionary conference hosted at First Baptist. I hated to miss the conference due to sickness, but I am thankful the content is available for free online. 
  • In his sermon, Piper reads a letter Tyndale wrote while in prison. Tyndale was cold and sick yet still focused on what mattered most. The letter is gripping and remarkable. I found it personally encouraging because even though I have cancer, I have a comfortable bed with blankets. Indeed, I have received several warm blankets as gifts to help me during my recovery. Tyndale was imprisoned for 16 months in a wet cell without windows. I have windows, my family nearby, a wonderful church family, and my treatment plan is only scheduled to last six months. 
  • I am not sure what you are experiencing this holiday and winter season, but may your heart be filled with gratitude and encouragement as you read this letter from Tyndale: 

“Wherefore I beg of your lordship, and that by the Lord Jesus, that if I am to remain here through the winter, you will request the commissary to have the kindness to send me from the goods of mine which he has a warmer cap, for I suffer greatly from the cold in the head and am afflicted by a perpetual catarrh, which is much increased in this cell. A warmer coat also, for this which I have is very thin. A piece of cloth, too, to patch my leggings. My overcoat is worn out. My shirts are also worn out. He has a woolen shirt, if he will be good enough to send it. I have with him also leggings of thicker cloth to put on above. He also has warmer night caps. And I ask to be allowed to have a lamp in the evening. It is indeed a wearisome to sit alone in the dark. But most of all I beg and beseech your clemency to be with the commissary that he will kindly permit me to have the Hebrew Bible, Hebrew grammar, and Hebrew dictionary, that I may pass the time in that study. In return may you obtain that which you most desire so only that it be for the salvation of your soul. But if any other decision has been taken concerning me to be carried out before winter, I will be patient. Abiding the will of God to the glory of the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ, whose Spirit I pray may ever direct your heart. Amen  William Tyndale.”

Cancer and Christmas

Updates: 

  • On Sunday morning I was getting ready for church and realized I had a hole in my chest! I saw straight through to the tubing for my cancer port. My doctors wanted me to get it removed immediately. On Monday I had a procedure to remove it and sew up my wound. 
  • On Tuesday I had surgery to get a new port on the other side of my chest. On Wednesday I picked up again with my eighth chemo treatment. It has been a full week! 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Having a hole in your chest means you are incredibly exposed and high risk for infection. I have not gotten an infection thus far praise the Lord! Please pray for my wounds to heal properly. 
  • It is miraculous that my infusion treatment was only delayed two days. The surgeries this week were back-to-back, but it is a real blessing because every week is important with stage 4. 
  • This was an unexpected turn of events! We would love your prayers as I recover and as Jenny continues to take care of the family. 

What I am Learning: 

  • I am going to be honest… I did not want to get a new port. The chemo I am on requires a port so that it doesn’t burn up my veins. It is necessary, but I was not looking forward to it again. Discovering the hole in my chest immediately changed the course of the week and there were a lot of unknowns. How long will it take to fix this issue and get the new port? How many days or weeks of treatment might I miss? Will this impact Christmas? What about infection? 
  • The phrase of Scripture that kept coming to my mind was “The Lord is your keeper” from Psalm 121.

 He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 121:3–8)

  • I thought about this phrase before my urgent doctor’s appointment. I thought about this phrase as I was on the operating table. I thought about it before I went to sleep. The Lord promises to keep me regardless of what happens, and he promises the same for you!

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • God has been answering prayer. Even when it looked like I could have a delay with my treatment, I was only delayed two days. Thank you for praying! 
  • The Songs of Ascent show God hears his people when they cry out for deliverance. “In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me.” (Psalm 120:1) 
  • The original nativity scene didn’t look picturesque. They couldn’t find room in the city to sleep, they were desperate to have a safe place for Mary to give birth, and they had to resort to putting Jesus into a feeding trough. But God was in total control and working all things together for his majestic glory. We can see how beautiful and wonderful the nativity is because his hand was upon each person and moment.
  • When we trust in Jesus – in his life, death, and resurrection – we can have confidence that he is working all things together for our good and his glory. I am not sure what is taking place in your life right now, but don’t forget to marvel at the wonderful love of Christ this Christmas. Merry Christmas! 

A Unique Christmas Season

Updates: 

  • This week all three of our kids had fevers and an upper respiratory sickness. I have been quarantined away from them for a week. Currently, two of them are better, but the smallest remains under the weather. It has been tempting to venture out into the house, but it is imperative that I not get sick.
  • The doctors are currently concerned about my port being infected. Part of the reason I must remain isolated is if I contract a fever, then it will delay treatment. The main sign to alert them to an infection is a low-grade fever.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • The wound from my port placement is being monitored by my medical team. It has not healed fully, and has caused some concern. Earlier in the week I was told I might have to receive a replacement port in order to proceed with future treatments. We will know more on Monday, but it is a real matter of prayer that I will be infection-free. Please pray my wound heals, that I do not have to undergo another port surgery, and that my treatment will not be delayed. 
  • Jenny has been working around the clock to care for our sick kids and me while I’ve been tucked away in our room. I am very thankful for her, and it is a real praise that she has not gotten sick! 

What I am Learning: 

  • The news of a potential infection and, therefore, a delay felt like a setback this week. At my stage of cancer, to delay even one week is a serious issue. The doctors do not want to delay unless absolutely necessary. 
  • As I have been reflecting on the potential possibility, there have been several passages of Scripture that have comforted me. One of those passages is Psalm 131. It is a short Psalm and I have found it easy to memorize. 

       O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 131, A Song of Ascents, Of David.)

  • When you are waiting for a doctor to render a verdict, there are a lot of thoughts which can occupy your mind. What if there is an infection? What if I don’t get the treatment? What if they make a wrong decision? What if _______ happens? The questions are nearly infinite with trouble. 
  • Psalm 131 reminds us that God wants our minds to be occupied with hoping in him… not worrying about the future. Today has enough trouble of its own, and when our minds are filled with thoughts of the future, it is unprofitable. These verses teach us to fix our eyes, not on the problems (or potential problems) that loom large. They teach us to fix our eyes upon the Lord, who is our help. 
  • The Songs of Ascent frequently tell us where to place our eyes. In Psalm 121, we lift our eyes to the hills because God is going to come deliver us. In Psalm 123, our eyes look desperately to the hand of our Master until he has mercy upon us. In Psalm 131 our eyes are not raised up to dwell on things outside of our control. Instead, they are looking low and taking a posture of humility. We lower our eyes away from our problems and place them upon our loving Lord. This is how we can become calm. Our hope is in the Lord, who always does what is best and has secured for us eternal life through the death and resurrection of Jesus. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Due to sickness, we did not have Christmas decorations up. We had several church members offer to come and put up decorations in our house and yard. 
  • One family came to remove all our decorations from the attic, one church member came to set up our Christmas tree, another family came to put decorations in our yard, and one family spent half a day cleaning and decorating our entire house. This has been a tremendous blessing to my family and has taken a burden off them!
  • Each of these families has blessed us, and we won’t forget it. We went from zero to sixty in our Christmas décor! We are so thankful for First Baptist and their love.  

Where does our help come from?

Updates: 

  • I received a good report from the doctor on Monday. There is no more cancer in my liver and every cancerous area in my body has reduced in size. There is still cancer in one of my lungs, my bones, and my neck, but they believe the remainder of my treatments will remove these spots.
  • I am very grateful to God for this progress and have five treatments left.  

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • It is a huge praise to know the treatment is working. Please pray that the remaining infusions work and remove all the cancer! 
  • Our kids have gotten sick with a fever upper respiratory bug. I am currently isolated away from them so that I don’t get sick. Please pray they recover and that both Jenny and I remain well. We need Jenny to stay well while she is working double-time!

What I am Learning: 

  • I mentioned previously that I am memorizing the Songs of Ascent. The phrase “The Lord who made heaven and earth” appears three times in these chapters.
  • Where does our help come from? If we want to have our fears calmed, the answer must be God. The Bible describes God as our helper. He is a very present “help” in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1-2).
  • Yet how do we know he is able to truly help us? We know God will help us because he made everything.
  • What do you need help with? Are the mountains falling around you? God made them. Is a sickness plaguing you? God made your body. Is an enemy threatening you? God made him too. The reminder of God as the maker of everything is a source of hope for the Christian. Take all your fears and anxieties to the one who made you, loves you, and holds the whole world in his hands. 

My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:2)

Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:8)

May the LORD bless you from Zion, he who made heaven and earth! (Psalm 134:3)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I serve on staff with a team of wonderful pastors. These men have been faithfully encouraging me, praying for me, and supporting me. They have checked in on me, my family, and my parents as well. Recently, they wrote me a personal note marking the halfway point in my treatment journey. I am deeply thankful to serve with such godly men at First Baptist. I know that I am not alone in being one of the people who have been blessed by them!

Feasting as War

Updates: 

  • Monday, December 2nd, will be a significant doctor’s visit. The results of my PET scan will be explained in detail.  
  • It is clear that the majority of my cancerous areas are decreasing. The question is, are they decreasing at the expected rate for where I am in my treatment plan? Am I ahead of schedule? Right on time? Or behind? Only my oncologist can give an accurate assessment, and that will take place on Monday. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I was able to enjoy the greatest Thanksgiving Day ever. It was full of reading, laughing, story-telling, and feasting. We always read the prayer together for feasting found in Every Moment Holy. “To gather joyfully is indeed a serious affair, for feasting and all enjoyments gratefully take are, at their heart, acts of war. In celebrating this feast we declare that evil, and death, suffering and loss, sorrow and tears, will not have the final word.” 
  • Please pray that I am “on time” or ahead in my treatment schedule. I am thankful the cancer is reducing, and now the need is for it to reduce at the proper pace until it is completely gone!

What I am Learning: 

  • As mentioned before, Pastor Heath encouraged me to read the book of Philippians and write out its implications for suffering. Here are seven truths for Christians about suffering from chapter 3 of Philippians. 

1. Suffering and pain allow me to see the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:8).

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…” 

2. Suffering loss allows me to gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

“… For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ” 

3. Suffering allows me to know Christ and the power of his resurrection (Philippians 3:10).

4. Suffering allows me to become like Jesus in his death and is a means by which I may obtain the resurrection from the dead (Philippians 3:10-11).

“That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” 

5. I can press on through suffering because Jesus has made me his own through his suffering (Philippians 3:12).

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” 

6. I can press on and strain for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13- 14).

7. Suffering teaches me that my citizenship is in heaven and God will one day transform my body into a glorious body like his by the power that controls all things – including my circumstances (Philippians 3:20-21).

“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • The practice of journaling has been a source of encouragement to me. I am not overly strict in the discipline to make it a burden but rather journal as my heart is heavy or as time permits. I never write more than a few paragraphs. 
  • Journaling thankful lists has been a means by which the Lord brings his peace which passes all understanding. A self-imposed goal of writing out ten items of thanksgiving brings a flurry of joy which overcomes anxious thoughts. This excellent sermon on the 9th commandment has spurred me on to replace a lack of content with a full notebook of joy. 

Giving Thanks

Updates: 

  • Today was my half-way point PET scan. This scan shows the effectiveness of the treatment plan. 
  • I won’t hear the official results of the scan from my doctor until December 2nd. However, they have released preliminary results. Here are the highlights: 1) The cancerous lymph nodes are reduced in size. Some are completely gone! 2) My liver no longer has cancer on it. 3) There is activity on my bones, but the scan can’t show exactly what that is. It could be the chemo working. (Which is likely) but the doctor will have to tell me. So, in summary: It is a good report and the treatment plan is working! Praise the Lord!!

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My Sunday prayer was that this week would be the best cancer killing week to date. On Monday we waited over an hour in the lobby for my chemo infusion. This was unusual. The nurse came out and told me they had to lower the dosage of my infusion based on weight and vitals. This was disappointing news. The original plan was to blast me as hard as possible with the max dosage of chemo until my body surrendered. If my body could not handle it, then they would need to adjust the meds. It seemed my body was raising a white flag. So, when we were finally called back for treatment, I asked for an update. The nurse was incorrect. They actually increased my dosage instead of lowering it! This is because I’ve gained so much weight – which is unusual and a very good thing! Our nutritionist said she has never seen this happen with people on my treatment plan. I had no idea they could increase my dosage, but the Lord knew and answered prayer. Thank you for praying! 
  • It is incredible the cancer spots are gone from my liver. This is phenomenal news and a result of what the Lord has done.
  • Please pray my cancer continues to decrease during the last half of my treatment!

What I am Learning: 

  • Early on in this journey, Pastor Heath encouraged me to read the book of Philippians and write out its implications for suffering. Here are eight truths for Christians about suffering from chapter 2 of Philippians. 
  1. I have the mind of Christ to become obedient even to the point of death – even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5–9).

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5–8)

  1. God the Father rewarded Jesus for his obedience to submit to the will of God to suffer and exalted him to the praise and glory of God (Philippians 2:9-11).
  2. In suffering, do not grumble or complain, so I may be innocent and blameless in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation (Philippians 2:14-15). 
  3. I can shine during suffering by holding fast to the word of life (Philippians 2:15-16). 
  4. Paul was glad to be poured out in suffering for the faith of others and rejoices in this opportunity (Philippians 2:17).  
  5. Suffering is an opportunity for the church to rejoice together (Philippians 2:18).
  6. Suffering is an opportunity to think of the interests of others (Philippians 2:21, 26). 

“For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” … “for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill.” 

  1. Recovering from suffering is a cause for joy to be restored to everyone (Philippians 2:28-30).

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • We are looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving next week. We are planning on the best Thanksgiving celebration we have ever had as a family. 
  • As we prepare, we have been putting together a “Thankful Tree” during the month of November. It is a way we can add leaves each day and seek to cultivate the habit of gratitude to God. This year our plan is to take down all the leaves on Thanksgiving Day and read them during our meal. 

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad.

Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negeb!
Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126)

Cancer is My Servant

Updates: 

  • My next infusion is on Monday, and it will mark the halfway point for my treatment plan. After next week, I have six more treatments between now and March 1st. 
  • Fatigue continues to increase with each treatment. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful that I have not missed an infusion treatment thus far! Praise the Lord! 
  • My upcoming PET scan is on November 22nd, and it will show us how effective the treatment has been. 
  • I have continued to have lingering night sweats which is a side effect of lymphoma. Please pray these go away! 

What I am Learning: 

  • Since my diagnosis, my future now includes cancer and the possibility of life or death. Yet Christ is my master, and therefore, cancer is my servant. This disease is a servant to me and makes me look more glorious than ever.  

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen…” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)

  • With each round of chemotherapy, I am a victor through Jesus. It is the Christian alone who can have cancer be his personal washbasin to sanctify him more fully. Though my skin might look pale after treatment, I am more radiant than ever before. My rash-adorned head is fitting me for a crown of splendor.
  • To say it clearly, cancer will never beat me. No matter what happens – whether in life or death – Christ will win. And it will be a landslide victory. Not because I am strong, quite the opposite! I am weaker than ever with this sickness. But in my weakness, Christ is mighty (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38] For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, [39] nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37–39)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I mentioned previously that I am memorizing the Songs of Ascent. One way I am seeking to accomplish this is by understanding the point of each Psalm. If I can recall a main theme of each, it helps me know the order of the songs. 
  • A helpful tool that is aiding me in the process is the songs produced by Poor Bishop Hooper. Below are links to each of the Songs of Ascent put to music. Perhaps their rendition isn’t your favorite style, but if you listen to their songs on repeat, you will be surprised how much it shapes your mind. May peace be upon Israel as you sing! 

Songs of Ascent (from EveryPsalm) by Poor BishopHooper

  1. Psalm 120
  2. Psalm 121
  3. Psalm 122
  4. Psalm 123
  5. Psalm 124
  6. Psalm 125
  7. Psalm 126 | see also the Passion version of this Psalm
  8. Psalm 127 | We love the Trinity Psalter version of this Psalm with every verse included
  9. Psalm 128 | see also the Trinity Psalter version
  10. Psalm 129
  11. Psalm 130
  12. Psalm 131
  13. Psalm 132
  14. Psalm 133
  15. Psalm 134

Round Five + Recommendations

Updates: 

  • I received my fifth treatment this past Monday and it was difficult. Each week is going to get tougher they say, and I believe them! 
  • My doctor has scheduled my next PET scan for November 22nd. This is the event we have been anticipating as it will show whether my treatment plan is working. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Please pray all the cancer is gone by November 22nd and the PET scan results come back clear! This would be a wonderful work of the Lord. 
  • As I anticipate my upcoming infusion treatments, pray that I would have the right frame of mind, and the Lord would strengthen my body as they put the life-saving poison through me. 

What I am Learning: 

  • People talk about the “shadow” that cancer can bring into someone’s life. It is a shadow that can loom over every day as you await results, live in between treatments, and go year after year wondering if the cancer will return. Living in the shadow of cancer is no way to live. It is not how the Christian ought to think. Instead, we can live in the shadow of his wings even when we walk through the valleys of the shadow of death. 

            He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:1–2)

     Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

  • I have been strengthened through a devotional called My Only Comfort that Jenny and I read almost every night. Here is a section from Lord’s Day 1 that is relevant for entrusting my soul and body to the Lord despite the dark shades of cancer. 

“My only comfort in life and in death is that I, with body and soul, both in life and in death, am not my own, -but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ, who with his precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that, without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head— yea, that all things must work together for my salvation; and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready henceforth to live unto him.”

What Has Been Encouraging: 

Due to my fatigue and sickness, I am not able to play with our kids like normal. So, a highlight of my day has been when we have “teatime” (often just juice or milk) and read a book together. We are trying to make our way through most of the Caldecott medal winners between now and February. For those of you with younger kids, here are ten of our current fan favorites: 

  1. Hello Lighthouse by Blackall 
  2. Madeline’s Rescue by Bemelmans
  3. Crispin’s Rainy Day by Dickison
  4. This Is Not My Hat by Klassen
  5. We Found a Hat by Klassen
  6. Read Aloud Bible Stories Volume 1 by Lindvall
  7. The Lion and The Mouse by Pinkney
  8. What Are Eyes For? By Wedgeworth 
  9. God Cares for Me by Wetherell
  10. The House in the Night by Swanson

15 Truths about Suffering

Updates: 

  • My chemo infusions continue to progress, and the doctor has not reduced any of the intensity of the treatments. This is good news because my body is handling the maximum dosage. 
  • However, as infusions continue, the side effects continue to compound. I am experiencing more nausea and muscle pain than previously. It feels like a Chemo Chevy ran me over on some days. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We were able to celebrate and participate in Trunk of Treats as a family. We had a total blast as a crew of First Baptist buccaneers. I was worn out for a few days afterward, but it was totally worth it. It was a record-breaking attendance this year with over 1,500 people. It was a true joy to see so many church members and guests. 

  • In addition to complete healing, I would ask that you pray for me as my body is more impacted by the side effects of the infusions. When I am in pain, I want to draw near to the Lord and use it as a means of grace in my life to experience more of His love. 

What I am Learning: 

  • Pastor Heath encouraged me to read through the book of Philippians and identify all the places Paul speaks about suffering. Here are fifteen truths about suffering from chapter 1 of Philippians. 
  1. Through my suffering, God will bring to completion His good work in me at the day of Christ Jesus (1:6). 
  2. Others are partakers with me of grace as I suffer (1:7). 
  3. Suffering happens as an opportunity to advance the gospel (1:12). 
  4. All the medical staff can know that I am a Christian through my suffering (1:13). 
  5. Others in the church will have boldness to face anxiety and death with the power of Christ through my suffering (1:14).
  6. I can rejoice in the proclamation of the gospel through my suffering even when it is at my expense (1:17-18). 
  7. The prayers of others help me endure suffering (1:19).
  8.  The Holy Spirit helps me endure suffering (1:19).
  9. Christ can be honored in my body no matter what (1:20).
  10. To live is to enjoy Christ, to die to enjoy Christ more! (1:21).
  11. Suffering helps others progress and have joy in the faith (1:25). 
  12. God gets glory when people who are suffering are restored (1:26). 
  13. Suffering is an opportunity to let my manner of life be worthy of the gospel – in which Jesus himself suffered (1:27).
  14. Suffering is an opportunity to not be frightened by anything (1:28). 
  15. Suffering is a gift from God to declare the gospel (1:28-29). 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Jenny spoke this past week at a women’s Fall Dinner that was hosted at First Baptist. She shares our journey from her perspective. She is the best wife, and I hope her talk encourages you!
  • You can listen to her talk here.