Category: Purity and Sex

Dear Young Engaged Man: Don’t Swallow The Pill

by Sean Perron
by Sean Perron

 

Dear Young Engaged Man,

 

As your marriage approaches, it is completely appropriate for you to begin seeking counsel about contraceptives. I am thankful for your commitment to avoid abortion and your question about which contraceptives truly protect life.

As you know, God alone is the giver and taker of human life (1 Samuel 2:6). Scripture clearly teaches that life begins before birth. In the book of Psalms, David recognized that his personhood began at the moment of conception. Biblical texts include verses like Psalm 51:5, Psalm 139, Genesis 25:22, and Luke 1:41. The Bible teaches that life begins at the moment of conception.

 

In God’s eyes, a blastocyst is just as human as a seventy year old man. Therefore, when a person considers birth control, it is imperative that they do not use methods which destroy life after the woman’s egg has been fertilized.

Following up on that discussion, I wanted to be sure to write to you about my findings regarding “The Pill”. The Pill was one of the main drives of the sexual revolution back in the days of volkswagens and large tie-dye shirts. Baby-free sex became a possibility for women and the popularity of the Pill even surpassed that of Lava Lamps. Society has not been the same since.

 

Presently, over 100 million women are on the Birth Control Pill. Many women take the Pill for purely medical reasons and are not sexually active. Certainly this is more than fine. No complaints here.

But there is a powerful misconception about this “contraceptive.” It is prescribed by both Christian and non-Christian doctors as an ethically legitimate way to keep from having children. In these situations, it is not women seeking help for medical treatment, but women seeking to prevent pregnancy.

 

The Pill is a very effective means of pregnancy prevention. It is rather rare that someone becomes pregnant while on the Pill. Statistics range from 1%-4.7% of women who become pregnant even though they consistently and accurately used the Pill. While this seems like a successful method to the Pill’s manufacturers, this statistic is a startling and horrifying fact. 

Many people, including sincere pro-life Christians, are unaware that the Pill uses three types of birth control mechanisms. The Physicians Desk Reference explains the different functions of the Pill which can be found in this more detailed article.

 

Medical jargon aside, the Pill does three things:

  1. Prevents eggs from being released and thereby prevents fertilization
  2. Increases mucus which does not permit the sperm and egg to unite
  3. Thins the lining of the uterus which can prevent a fertilized egg from living

 

The first two mechanisms of the Pill are contraceptive. If this was all that the Pill accomplished, then there would be no moral controversy. However, the third mechanism of the Pill is abortive in its function. The third function of the Pill is to weaken the uterine wall and reduce the chances of an already fertilized egg (human life) from implanting on the wall. If the fertilized egg cannot implant, it will die.

 

I would most definitely affirm the Pill if it was only a contraceptive. A contraceptive prevents the sperm and the egg from uniting. An abortifacient kills the fertilized egg after it is already conceived. This is literally a life and death difference. God is explicit that murder is not morally permissible (Exodus 20:13).

 

In light of this evidence, the question must be asked “How often do the first two mechanisms fail and the third succeed?”

To answer this question we must know that every year 420,000 babies are born despite their mothers taking the Pill. In order for someone to become pregnant while on the Pill, it means that all three mechanisms of birth prevention have failed. The troubling reality is that we do not know how many times the first two contraceptive mechanisms failed and the third abortive mechanism worked. We simply do not know how many times the third mechanism snuffs out lives.

 

Randy Alcorn asks the question, “How many children failed to implant in that inhospitable environment who would have implanted in a nurturing environment unhindered by the Pill?” (Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?).  He then postulates that if the number of deaths was twice the number of Babies born then there would be 840,000 deaths a year because of the Pill.

But what if there were only 100,000 deaths a year due to the third mechanism of the Pill? Or what if there were only 10 deaths a year? Would this be morally justifiable?

A husband and wife cannot play Russian Roulette with a child’s life every time they have sex.

 

I realize you may be hearing this information for the first time. I don’t write these things to condemn or burden you. I want to encourage you to begin researching the things discussed in this blog post. Begin researching and discuss this with your mentors in your local church. 

I know you are passionate about the Sanctity of Life and I am confident you and your bride will strive to be consistently pro-life in your marriage. Lives are at stake and we cannot sacrifice them for sexual leisure.  People will think you are crazy, but please don’t drink the kool-aid by swallowing the Pill.

Believers must strive to glorify the Lord in every area of life. This includes even our most personal and intimate matters. Nothing is off limits to God.

We have received forgiveness at the great cost of Calvary. We been bought with a price; therefore let us glorify God in our bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:20)

 

Until then,

Sean

 

 

This post was adapted from an essay by Sean Perron on the ethics of birth control. See the resource page.

 

 

Good Discipleship: A Real Relevant Solution on Sex

 

Photo Credit: Jessica McIntosh

 

By Sean Perron 

 

I recently stumbled across a blog post from Relevant Magazine called 4 Lies the Church Taught Me About Sex. I was intrigued because I too am burdened about how the church communicates to it’s members about such an important issue. I agree with the overall intention of the post that “the evangelical church has a lot of work to do correcting the distorted ways we talk about sex and sexuality, especially to our youth.” In the midst of a confused sexual culture, my soul yearns jealously for the church to talk about sex in a way that is consistent with the Scripture and offers wise biblical counsel. To my chagrin, the Relevant article missed the mark.

I readily admit that many presentations of sexual purity in the church today are well-intended but poorly delivered. Once I was asked to speak at a purity banquet. I preached my heart out about how everyone is a prostitute at heart and in need of forgiveness. I then talked about the need for grace-motivated purity from Ephesians chapter 5. I was followed by the minister who unfortunately proceeded to lay the legalism on thick. It felt as if my message was in vain.

The church desperately needs help in holding high the bar of purity while reaching out boldly to those who have been burdened with sexual sin. This is what was disappointing to me in the Relevant article.

 

The First “Lie”

Not everything in the Relevant article was unhelpful, but the response to the first “Lie” was harmful at best. The first lie addressed was: “Any and all physical contact is like a gateway drug to sex.”  The following paragraphs in the post communicate that this is a crazy idea that should surely be discarded.

Once in high school I attended a big Christian youth conference. One night, one of the chaperones addressed the girls: “Girls, we have noticed some very inappropriate touching going on…”

The inappropriate touching she meant turned out to be two high school couples in the youth group holding hands. This woman was deadly serious. “I know it may not seem like a big deal to you,” she said. “But hand-holding leads to OTHER THINGS!”

I heard similar things from parents, teachers, church leaders and books. In my church it was not unusual for people to pledge not only to save sex until marriage, but even to save their first kiss for their wedding day. “Don’t start the engine if you aren’t ready to drive the car,” and other similar metaphors warned me that any physical contact was a slippery slope straight into the jaws of fornication.

On this side of things, I can honestly say that there are SO many conscious decisions you have to make between kissing and having sex. Despite what Hollywood says, clothes do not take themselves off and bodies do not magically and effortlessly fit together.

If you are committed to waiting until you’re married to have sex, there are many valid reasons to set boundaries on your physical relationship, but the fear of accidentally having sex shouldn’t be one of them.

 

First, I know of no one who says that “any” physical contact leads to sex. (For instance, few frown upon a side hug.)

Second, no solution is going to be found in criticism. I find it perplexing that a believer would mock a high standard of purity and then proceed to offer no practical advice for boundaries. If you are going to dismiss someone who is holding high the bar of purity for the sake of Christ, you must offer a biblical alternative.

Holding hands is not a gateway drug, but it should not be left as candy to suck on throughout the day. That helps no one – especially the diabetics.

Third, I know of no one who is worried about accidentally having sex. “If you are committed to waiting until you’re married to have sex, there are many valid reasons to set boundaries on your physical relationship, but the fear of accidentally having sex shouldn’t be one of them.” Perhaps I have my head in the sand, but this is not the problem I encounter when discipling others. Most people are spring-loaded for sex… and they are trigger happy.

I have briefly written elsewhere about some considerations couples should ponder before kissing before marriage. I understand it is a bold claim to refrain from physical affection. It is certainly audacious to the world. But I am offering it with a heart full of love for the joy of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am fully convinced that purity brings pleasure. I think Jesus will have much joy in his heart when he presents his bride spotless before the throne. Jesus went through a bloody cross to obtain purity for his bride. I believe couples should beat their bodies into submission for their future spouses. Holiness is a beautiful thing that should cause the world to ask us about the hope within us.

I had a good friend recently get married. While dating, he did not hold hands with his girlfriend. They also waited to kiss each other until they were at the alter. Their kiss was electric. The whole room cheered and their faces were glowing. They would not have traded that moment for anything and neither would I. I’m so thankful they didn’t take the advice of Relevant Magazine. I’m so thankful they held the bar of purity high for the sake of joy.

Does that kind of electric kiss happen for everyone? I’m not a prophet nor the son of one. But that question misses the point altogether.

Kisses and honeymoons aren’t going to be perfect because we live in an imperfect world. The article by Relevant definitely highlights the fact that our bodies will fail and past sin can crouch at the door. But there is grace for that. Much grace. God can take any broken couple and sanctify them for his glory and their joy. This is the trumpet we should blow.

 

The Need for Biblical Discipleship on Sex

I agree that there are problems in how the church talks about sex. But I honestly think all of the “lies” mentioned in the Relevant article can be solved with good discipleship.

If someone has a fantasy view of the marriage bed, the Bible addresses this and can reorient someone towards selfless love. If someone is struggling with past sin, the power of Christ can help them and their spouse. If someone has a guilty view of sex, the Scriptures can renew their minds to view it as a glorious, delightful gift from God. The Bible is ready to provide practical wisdom for all areas of life and godliness. Properly discipled through the Scriptures, every Christian couple can look forward to their honeymoon and a lifetime of marriage.

So I plead with you: have a high standard of purity and seek out godly discipleship when it comes to sex. Don’t settle for shallow holiness and ignorance. Pursue practical wisdom from the Scriptures in your local church. The church can have a real relevant answer.

 

 

Related articles:

Letters to a Young Engaged Man: Should We Kiss?

Letters to a Young Engaged Man: The Marriage Bed

Blame after a Breakup

by Sean Perron
by Sean Perron

 

“I am not attractive.” “I am not godly enough.” “I only deserve bad relationships.”

 

Perhaps you have had these thoughts? The Serpent can bite after a breakup. Satan is the serpent of slander and he often whispers lies and deceit. Self deprecation is a real temptation for many who have been broken up with. Perhaps this describes your current experience. You might blame yourself and have spent hours cross-examining every conversation from your previous relationship.

You may think you are not godly enough for the relationship to have continued. You may wonder if he or she ended the relationship because you are not physically attractive. You might even think you only deserve trashy relationships and this one was “just too good to be true.”

The call of the hour is for the Spirit to align all our thinking into conformity with the Scriptures.

 

I didn’t deserve to be with him anyway

The reality is that everyone deserves eternal damnation and no one deserves to date a godly person. But the greater reality of the gospel is that God grants eternal life in Christ and that he can always satisfy the broken heart. Those who have been dumped need to realize they are not trash in God’s eyes. The good news is that Jesus never forsakes his children and he never has the final “we need to talk” conversation. The steadfast love of the Lord never fails and it can be trusted the moment before a relationship begins and the moment after a relationship ends.

Take comfort in the truth that God withholds no good thing from his people. God never gives bad gifts to his people. Period. He has given us his Son and we can be sure that he will graciously give us all things to conform us into his image (Romans 8:32).

 

If had been more godly and this would not have happened

The Scriptures tell us to have an honest assessment of our lives and that we should not think more highly of ourselves than we ought. There will always be areas in our walk with God that we should be growing. Perhaps someone says they broke up with you because of a character flaw or an area that needed maturing. The Bible wants us to learn from hard conversations and to grow in godliness. We should examine all criticism in light of the Scriptures and align ourselves with the revealed word of God. If there an area of our character needs attention, the proper response is to ask Christ for grace and to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12-13). It is true that we reap what we sow, but for the Christian this falls under the category of discipline and not punishment. We must be sober minded and realize that God does not punish his children. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). God never punishes his elect in this life or in the life to come. God is only for his people (Romans 8:28).  The condemning lies of Satan must be combated with the believer’s spotless identity in Christ.

 

Breakups are a time for honest examination and then a total affirmation of the righteousness found in Christ. If there is room for spiritual growth after a relationship has ended, don’t despair! Christ will give more grace. If sin was not involved, don’t blame yourself. You have been saved by grace. But we must beware of assuming every breakup is because of sin. Job’s suffering was not a result of sin and not every breakups should be equated with bad living.

 

I must not be attractive

This is perhaps the sneakiest of all the slanderous accusations of Satan. This lie snares many. The most damaging part of this lie is how people respond to it. If a someone feels unattractive, he or she may seek fleshly solutions. Once this apple is bitten, it is often followed by  depression and then sexual immorality of some kind. Or it may result in sinful eating habits or an obsession with exercise. The ripple effect of this lie can leave a wake of misery.

The good news is that Jesus provides a glorious solution to this slander. Jesus takes this one head on and offers truth which brings lasting joy.

Paul tells us not to let our adorning be external but to put on imperishable beauty. A gentle tone glistens more than a golden gem. And a quiet spirit sparkles more than a smooth sapphire. In God’s sight, the inner person is very precious. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that beholder is the Creator. We should have a category for keeping up physical appearances, but this should be in the back of our briefcase. As Christians, the inner person of our heart should be our business card.

 

Next time Satan tempts you to dwell upon your eternal appearance, remind him that you are created in the image of God and you are being conformed into the glorious image of Christ. Remind yourself that you are pursuing holiness and this is very precious in the sight of the Lord. If you are tempted to despair in this area, remind yourself of the true standard of beauty. The true standard of beauty stands upright from the grave with open arms that welcome you. Run toward Christ and his righteousness. Spend your days at his feet instead of the mirror. As you continue to look into Christ’s radiant face, your face will glow in his glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).

 

The content for this post has been updated and expanded in Letters to a Romantic: On Dating which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing. 

My Wife Has Tattoos: Marriage, New Birth, and the Gospel

 

Image
Photo credit: Todd Balsley

by Spencer Harmon

 

Today is the day of my wedding.  And I am not marrying the girl of my dreams.

If you would have told me when I was a teenager that my wife would have seven tattoos, a history in drugs, alcohol, and attending heavy metal concerts, I would have laughed at you, given you one of my courtship books, and told you to take a hike.  My plans were much different, much more nuanced with careful planning, much more clean-cut, and much more, well, about me.

You see, it wasn’t my dream to marry a girl that was complicated.  I never dreamed that I would sit on a couch with my future wife in pre-marital counseling listening to her cry and tell stories of drunken nights, listing the drugs she used, confessing mistakes made in past relationships.

This isn’t my dream – it’s better.

Many people wouldn’t put Taylor and I together.  In high school, we probably would not have been friends.  She probably would have thought that I was a nice, boring, judgmental Christian kid; I probably would have thought that she was a nice, lost, party-scene girl that guys like me are supposed to stay away from.  People like us, with our backgrounds and histories are not supposed to meet, fall in love, and covenant their lives to each other.

But everything changes when people meet Jesus.  Jesus takes people like rebellious teenage partiers, and goody-two-shoe homeschoolers and puts them together in marriage to put something on display much bigger than their own hand-crafted, perfectly planned love-story.

Right in the middle of the mess of life, Taylor met Jesus, and he planted his flag in her life, and she believed in him and he transformed her.  The Taylor who spent her life living from one pleasure to the next died, and a new person was born.  A new person with new desires, and a new heart that longed to please God, serve people, and treasured Jesus Christ above all other pleasure.

And this is how I see Taylor.  She is completely new, completely transformed, and completely clean.  This is not because she became a part of a helpful program, or because she really “pulled herself together.” It’s because God, in his incredible, infinite kindness, took Taylor’s dark, crimson life, and made her as white as a snow.  He took all of her sins on placed them on his Son, and then gave her Jesus’ righteousness to wear like a perfect white wedding dress.

In reality, Taylor’s story is my story as well.  As Taylor walks towards me today, I will be reminded of how much I do not deserve the precious gift she is to me.  I have spent much of my life singing a self-centered siren song.  Nothing about my life cries for blessings; it calls for curses forever.  Yet, God has dressed me in white, put my sin upon his Son, and given me a heart that loves him.

I love Taylor with all that I am.  She is gentle, kind, patient, joyful, beautiful, and loving.  I don’t deserve to marry someone like her.  I didn’t plan for this, but I’m so glad I am not getting what I planned for.

So, today when she walks down the aisle to me, I will be reminded of the beautiful reality that God exchanges that sin of our past in exchange for the perfect righteousness of his Son.  Contrary to popular opinion, our wedding day is not our wedding day; it is the display of the most stunning reality in the universe: that God sent his Son to die to redeem a people for Himself made clean the blood of his Son.

God’s ultimate plan in putting Taylor and I together is that he wants to uniquely put his grace on display so that other people will praise him (Ephesians 1:5-6).  That’s his purpose for our marriage, and that’s his purpose in the world at large, and Taylor and I are taking part in that, and hope you will too.

 

The content for this post has been updated and expanded in Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement which will be released September 29th, 2017 by P&R Publishing. Spencer Harmon is also the co-author of the forthcoming book Letters to a Romantic: On Dating.

Four Chemicals for Christian Chemistry: How do you know who you should marry?

 

by Sean Perron
by Sean Perron

 

How should a Christian think about another Christian when it comes to a potential romance? Perhaps you are considering pursuing someone or allowing someone to pursue you. Although these categories are probably not exhaustive, they may be helpful as you think about a potential mate.

 

Four Chemicals for Christian Chemistry:

 

1. Character

It need not go without saying. When it comes to marriage, godly character is not just a deal breaker; it is what the game is all about. This is first on the list because without it nothing else matters. This is the sun all planets orbit around. The rings of Saturn don’t matter without Saturn. Without a deep love for Jesus, marriage will be miserable. The potential wife should be maturing into a Proverbs 31 woman and the potential husband should be a Psalm 112 man. It also should be noted that there is a difference between potential godliness and actual godliness. A wise man pointed out to me that potential godliness does not exist. It is simply “potential.” The person you are considering for marriage must have real visible godly character in order to qualify for the picking.

If you are a woman, you need a husband who is maturing in the faith in order to lead you closer to Jesus. Perfection is not required, but pursuit of holiness is mandatory. If you are a man, you should be seeking a woman who is already exhibiting love, compassion, wisdom and gentleness. Look for the girl who is already serving in your church and washing the feet of the saints. She will be a keeper. Questions to ask include the following: Do I want this man to teach my children the Scriptures? Do I want this woman to raise my children to love the Lord? Is this man a role model I want to follow? Is this lady someone who can show me more of God’s heart and push me closer to Christ?

 

2. Personality

Not everyone is meant to get along all the time. It is a sin to have ungodly character (1 Timothy 3) but it is not a sin to be socially incompatible. Perhaps you are an extrovert and can’t help but be the life of the party. You may or may not mesh with the introvert who loves to study instead of playing Quelf. If wakeboarding gives you a high and you are the president of the local rock climbing club, you might jump off a cliff if you marry someone who is content to never see sunlight. Then again, that kind of thing just might stoke your fire. To each his own. The point is that you need to marry someone you can have a happy conversation with and that enjoys at least some of the things you do. Not all the pistons need to fire, but you at least have to have a motor that runs. Marriage is not meant to be miserable. You should marry someone who compliments your personality. The best way to figure out if your personalities mesh well together is to spend time together in as many appropriate settings as possible.

 

3. Trajectory

It is not just enough to be godly and personable. You need to be on the same tarmac. The man needs to have a plan. What will you be doing in the next 5 – 10 years? You need to be seeking the Lord and know the direction you are traveling. How are you going to turn the world upside down with the message of the gospel? How are you going to bring glory to Jesus with the days he has given you? This does not have to be anything spectacular – it can actually be rather simple. But it needs to be there. And it needs to be going some where.

 

A woman should not marry a man who is simply blowing in the wind. As a woman, do you want to follow the man you are interested in? Do you want to submit to his leadership and pursue magnifying Jesus together? If he wants to be a construction worker that shares the gospel while on a forklift, are you okay with raising his hard hat family? If he wants to be a missionary to Alaska, are you kosher with seal blubber boots?

If a potential wife wants to be a CEO of Google and a potential husband wants to make farm in Pennsylvania, these lovers need to chat before sailing off into the romantic sunset. These are conversations that need to be had and they can be determinative. Do your visions of life align with each other? (Philippians 1:17)

 

4. Attraction

Your future spouse will be your best friend on the planet. But they need to be more than this. If you come home from work and only want to play checkers together, we have a problem. The Bible commands spouses to delight sexually in each other and this requires a level of physical attraction (Proverbs 5:18-19).

Notice that attraction is last on this list. I place it last because attraction can be automatic or it can be cultivated. You may be interested in someone simply because they caught your eye. No problem here necessarily. However, don’t underestimated the reality that physical attraction can also be cultivated. Its funny how this works. Attraction can blind people to ungodly character, yet godly character can open eyes to see beauty. That beauty can spill over into physical interest. You may not be swooning over someone the first time you see them, but after you notice their character, personality and trajectory in life… you might be surprised to find yourself growing in affection for them. Perhaps they are a rare gem in the rocks that need a closer examination to see its value. Perhaps we all need to die to self and acknowledge true beauty.

You may be wondering how these things practically work themselves out. How can you actually use these four criteria? The church is essential. To quote one of my good friends:

 

Dating is a team sport. It is hard to determine this for yourself.  The heart is deceitful above all things.  And there’s hormones.  And emotions.  And social pressure to get married.  Or at least date.  When you get to be older, people start wondering if there’s extra marshmallows in your lucky charms if you’re not dating anyone.

 

Courtship is a community event. Invite your church into your life and don’t be afraid to ask them whether or not you are concocting the right chemicals in your Christian chemistry.

 

The content for this post has been updated and expanded in Letters to a Romantic: On Dating which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing. 

To My Sisters: Magnify His Body

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by Sean Perron

Dear Sister in Christ,

I feel a freedom to talk about this with you because we have much in common. Indeed, we have been purchased by the blood of Jesus and made eternal heirs with the Father. It delights my heart to know we will dance together in heaven and rejoice in the presence of Christ.

Although we are related through kinship with Christ, we do not come from an immediate physical family. Our parents are different and we have not grown up in the same home. This is not a bad thing, but it does mean things are different for us. There is always a potential sexual attraction that could develop.

Thankfully, God wired men and women to be attracted to each other. This certainly is a wonderful thing! But as you know, it does become a problem when attraction is inappropriate. Magnifying sexual appeal is only proper in a specific channel. God designed sexuality to be exhibited between a husband and wife – and no more. God created sexual beauty and he designed it to be magnified in the marriage bed.

I am writing because I am afraid that some are magnifying sexual beauty in ways that are inappropriate. Immodesty is magnifying the wrong thing. I am concerned that this is bringing shame upon many in our family and upon the name of our Father. I know how much you long to honor God and I know many sisters are not intending to draw attention to themselves in sexual ways.

Our sisters should know that how they dress does impact the way brothers think of them. If a woman wears a low-cut shirt, it communicates something that should only be expressed in the house of marriage. Short skirts, tight shirts, and other clothing can be an avenue of lust for brothers to stroll down. Immodesty – knowingly or unknowingly – has the potential to allure the eyes of men into a path that ultimately leads to destruction.

I feel freedom to express these concerns because our lives are not our own. Our bodies have been bought with a price and this means we cannot dress anyway we want (1 Corinthians 6:20). Each day is an opportunity to magnify the broken body of Christ instead of our own.

Would you join me in telling our other sisters about these concerns? Perhaps some questions to ask when choosing an outfit would be helpful. Here are some questions I have compiled:

  • Does this draw attention to my body in a sexual way?

  • Does this make me stand out in a way that is inappropriate?

  • Does this outfit serve those who I will be around today or is it self serving?

  • If I am not sure about this attire, who can I ask who will be honest with me?

I realize this request may come with some costs. It may be harder to purchase clothes that are in style or it may require you to stick out like a sore thumb at the local pool. It may require extra time shopping or more preparation in the morning. However, I am certain the benefits will outway the cons. I desire precious inner beauty to shine brighter than ever before. Sisters have a God-endowed image that should readily be made available for all with eyes to see (1 Timothy 2:9-10). As sisters grow in godliness and magnify Christ, this will cause unspoken thanksgiving to stir in the hearts of their brothers. They will be noticed and it will not be because of their physical qualities. They will daily pursue treasure in heaven where wrinkles and sags will not destroy. Immodesty is a magnification of the wrong thing, but modesty can magnify the right thing – a pure love for Christ.

I ask these things of you so that our joy may be complete and so that our spiritual family may grow into maturity. Please help me share these things with those we love. As brothers, we should take responsibility for any impure thoughts, but we will be grateful for any effort in keeping us from evil (Proverbs 31:12). Thank you for your care and I hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

Sean

Pornography Behind the Pulpit

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This is an excerpt from the article “Dear Young Seminarians” in the January Issue of the Seminarian Student Magazine of Toronto Baptist Seminary.

Dear Young Seminarians,

I have been around seminary and Bible college long enough to know that some of you are frequently engaged in pornography. My heart is broken by this reality and I wish it were not true. Pornography is a dark sin that can hide even under the shadow of steeples. The pulpit is not immune to the sin of pornography.

There are students who are going to graduate this year who know more about God than the majority of Christians and yet are farther away from Jesus than the average church member. If nothing changes, several of you will receive a diploma for Christian ministry but only proceed to preach a foreign gospel for the rest of your days. If this describes you, I plead with you not to receive the grace of God in vain. There truly is matchless power in Christ to change your life. I am thankful that you are reading this and want you to know that several steps must be taken.

You probably have fears that abound in this season. What if someone finds out? What will my fiancee think? What will my pastor do? How will this affect my marriage? What if I can never be free?

If you are serious about your relationship with the Lord and about your future ministry, then serious action must be taken. You do not want to turn over in bed next to your bride and search for porn on your iPhone. You do not want to stand up to preach just after gazing at naked women the night before. You do not want to shrug off this sin and then turn over in the flames of Hell. Hands must be cut off and eyes must be gouged out. Pornography is not a pet to stroke, but a snake to crush. Realizing the severity of this sin is life or death. Yet there is a greater reality we must realize.

Brothers, many men do not realize the power they have been granted to fight even the darkest desires. When Christ screamed in agony on the wooden tree, He did not scream in vain. The strength that surged through the veins of Jesus now surges through the Spirit in you. Christ has come to set you free and you can be free indeed. There is no porn pit too deep that the light of Christ cannot reach. Christ is risen from the dead and He gives immeasurable power to those who believe (Ephesians 1:19). Come into the light and believe there is power in the precious blood of the Lamb.

I am a seminary student looking at pornography, what should I do?

The first order of business is to bring in a wise counselor. I am not involved enough in your daily life to give hand-tailored advice nor able to hold you accountable. You will need someone who can speak directly into your life, assess the scenario, examine your fruit and help you grow in holiness. You need a referee on the field rather than a commentator from the stands.

But from my aerial viewpoint, here is what I have noticed. There are two kinds of people who struggle with pornography. Those who are are slaves to Jesus and those who are slaves to Satan. Those who have the Holy Spirit in them and those who do not. You must examine yourself and take inventory of your soul. Are you enslaved to pornography and making little to no progress? Or are you struggling but growing in grace and gaining victory? If you are consumed with porn and know it, stopping seminary is the best option – or – at least postponing it until you are able to get adequate help. For the man who is enslaved to porn, ministry is not the answer- Jesus is.

However, if you struggle hard but fall occasionally, quitting seminary might not be the best counsel. In order for you to qualify for ministry, you must be fighting this sin vigorously and see Jesus giving you victory in battle. The pulpit and the pastor are called to be above reproach (1 Timothy 3:2).

Discovering a tumor and excising it is painful and frightening. Yet everyone would trade the short pain of surgery for a cancer free body. Sin thrives in secret. Mold, bacteria, fungus and all manner of porn fester in the dark. True confession may be a brief pain, but it brings sweet relief.  Every broken porn addict who comes to Christ will never be turned away.  He creates a clean heart and renews a right spirit (Psalm 51:10). Confess your sin to God and then confess your sin to a mature Christian leader in your life. God has given us pastors and mentors to help us grow in godliness. They will welcome you with open arms and then hopefully strengthen you in the faith.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to sorrow and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord and He will exalt you.” (James 4:7-10)

This is an excerpt from the article “Dear Young Seminarians” in the Seminarian Student Magazine of Toronto Baptist Seminary. You can read the full article along with other helpful articles on Pornography and Purity here. 

That’s Not Funny: Dirty Jokes and Jesus

by Spencer Harmon
by Spencer Harmon

What you laugh about says a lot about you.

Most of the world is laughing at things they should be crying about .  They are inviting you to join them.  The Bible teaches that marriage should be honored, and that people shouldn’t defile the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4), yet the marriage bed is scorned on the silver screen during countless scenes of fornication that are seen as humorous.  Adultery is inane, blasphemy is a gag, and sin is joke, and they want you to start laughing.

To compound the problem, many of us find ourselves confused about the types of things we should be joking about.  You know the situation, right?  You’re with a group of friends, and someone tells that border line joke, and everyone nervously chuckles and shifts their eyes towards everyone else to make sure it’s OK to laugh.  Your conscience is pricked, and you (and everyone else in the group, for that matter) know you shouldn’t be laughing.  How should we think about this?

Jesus wants to be Lord over your laughing, and he inspired Ephesians 5 to show us the way. Here are a few things to keep in mind about crude humor, filthy talk, and sexual immorality as you engage in conversations and entertainment:

It’s improper.  You were not made to indulge in any type of sexual immorality.  Paul tells these people that sexual immorality and impurity, “should not even be named among you, as is proper among saints”.  Like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet all day long, indulging in impurity throughout the day doesn’t fit with believers that are indwelt by the Spirit.  Why would we let these things have a name among us when these are the very things that Jesus bled for?  It’s improper among Jesus’ cleansed bride.

It closes up the kingdom.  If you indulge in sexual immorality for the rest of your days, you won’t go to heaven.  Paul tells us that you can be sure of it.  The raunchy joke on your favorite show may be drained of its humor if you see it as something that is a roadblock to heaven.  Yes, Jesus died for all of your sins and every stumbling into impurity, but Jesus also died so that you would be set free from the power of sin (Romans 6), and that you would be delivered from this present evil age (Galatians 1:4).  Paul is warning Christians that if they are sexually immoral they will not inherit the kingdom of God.

It is damned.  When we laugh at sexual immorality, we are laughing about things that people are being punished for in hell.  Paul tells the Christians that because of sexual immorality and impurity the wrath of God is coming.  The picture painted for us by the world around us is opposite.  Explicit sexual immorality is not that big of a deal, and it’s easy to be numbed and carried by the current of laxity in regards to this type of humor and joking.  This is why we need the truth of Scripture to wake us up to the reality of sin and kick us in the pants to start swimming against the tide.  Paul tells us not to be “deceived”.  How easy it is so consume the view of the world around us without exposing it for what it is.

You were made for so much more.  Finally, crude joking just isn’t that funny.  When viewed through the lens of Scripture and brought under Jesus kingship, we begin to see these types of jokes as simply out of place.  Filthy talk and crude joking is nothing but a counterfeit joy that will give you the temporary buzz of laughter.  What Jesus calls Christians to is something much more durable and long lasting: thanksgiving.  You were not made to laugh at sex-scenes in movies and make line-bending jokes; you were made to experience the heart-bursting, pure thrill of thanksgiving.  The next time you are tempted to talk filthy or crudely joke, replace those thoughts and words with thankfulness.  Your joy will be compounded, your community enriched, and soul refreshed.  You were made for so much more.

It would be easy at this point to nuance all of my words with qualifications and exceptions and warnings about being legalistic towards others.  There are people who have over-corrected and think that God loves them based on their humor. However, I believe that what I need more than anything is Paul’s straight talk about my mouth rather than definitions about where the line is when it comes to my humor.  As we seek to bring even our laughter and humor under Jesus’ rule, let each of us live as those who will give an account for every word – and joke – we speak.   There are better things to laugh at, and better gifts to be enjoyed.

Finally Free

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by Sean Perron

Pornography is a big deal. Satan uses porn to steal, kill and destroy. And the church is not exempt. Pornography is a big temptation. The flesh desires to lust, linger and live in sexual immorality. And Christians are not exempt.

How should the church respond? How should a struggling Christian deal with this massive issue?

The call of the hour is for the church to think deeply, critically and practically about pornography.

There was a season in my life when I read every book I could on sexual temptation I could find.To the shame of some authors, I read their books and they did me more harm than good. I read other authors who were quite helpful in engaging the issues, but simply did not go deep enough. I wanted more help in the battle against sexual immorality.

I do not endorse books often on this blog, but I cannot help but recommend the book Finally Free by Dr. Heath Lambert.

Finally Free gives ten biblical ways to battle sexual temptation. I am thankful for this book because it is all about the Bible. Heath Lambert does not drift off into statistics or ramble on about some psychological jargon that is detached from dungeon of addiction. Instead, each chapter offers a dagger that has been sharpened by the Scriptures in order to cut pornography out for good.

I also love this book because it is ultimately not about pornography. That might seem strange to a reader who notices the word pornography on every other page. But the fact of the matter is this book is of incredible help in fighting many sinful desires. If I replaced pornography with the word anxiety in chapter ten, I would be just as helped in my walk with God. If I replaced pornography with the word complaining in chapter nine, I would find help for my grumbling. Change the specifics and alter the practical application and this book can be used to fight a variety of sins. Why? Because Lambert grounds his wisdom in power of the Scriptures that enable sinners to have lasting change in Christ.

Consider chapter three on accountability and pornography. Here are just three out of seven points:

  • Effective Accountability Is Involved Early Rather than Late

  • Effective Accountability Involves Someone with Maturity

  • Effective Accountability Should Avoid Explicit Details

I guarantee I would have been a different person years ago if I had known these three points from this chapter. I found myself calling my “accountability partners” only after I would sin. I rarely called them during the midst of my struggles. I also fell into the trap of confessing sin to those who were struggling with the exact same things I did! How much more effective would it have been if I had a more mature man in my life? Or how much more could I have honored those around me if I avoided unhelpful details?

Holiness is a big deal. We must think deeply, carefully and practically about what the Bible has to say about growing in grace. We cannot afford to ignore this task.

I am confident Heath Lambert’s book Finally Free will aid the church in this endeavor. I cannot commend it more readily.

Genesis: One Year Anniversary Poem

rainydaywithjenny

I have heard many couples express angst when they reflect on their first year of marriage. Conflicts, confusion and crying might take place during the first year, but I would never describe my experience this way. In fact, I will trumpet the opposite. I could not be more thrilled since our wedding day. Our marriage is not perfect, but it is full of pleasure. Our joy is rich in God and our hearts are filled with thankfulness. Each morning I awake with my best friend and each eve I kiss her goodnight. I get the privilege of seeking Christ with my precious bride. She has helped me live life in more ways than I imagined. Marriage has hindered nothing.

This anniversary poem attempts to weave events in our lives with the Scripture we have studied devotionally over the past year. I am only a poet by proxy because I am in love. Here is a toast to Jennifer, marriage, and the God of all grace.

A year has past, hard to believe

More memories than moments

My mind couldn’t conceive

How wonderful a year

It surely has been

Rolling and romping

With my best friend

Lilies and lilacs

Mixed in your hair

Holding you closely

Found in His care

Through the garden we ran

Clothed – naked – near

hand and hand

Nothing was mere

We climbed in our ark

Small, full and warm

Hot tea and lightening

Cuddled through storm

Not this year, but down the road

Abraham’s stars,

may become ours

Moving his sand

into our land

Fostering only for now

We hummed with the Sparrows

And researched our Pharaohs

Juggling a proverb here and there

Singing our Psalms, We frolic on

By faith, we embark on this year

What shall entail?

Starfish and pail

How will the wind

blow through our sail?

A year has past,

better we believe

More faith than before

Our minds couldn’t conceive

How wonderful a year

It surely has been

Serving,

Flourishing

With my best friend

God give us grace for more.

Photo from Perron Wedding by Jessica Rai Photography