Category: Romance

Four Chemicals for Christian Chemistry: How do you know who you should marry?

 

by Sean Perron
by Sean Perron

 

How should a Christian think about another Christian when it comes to a potential romance? Perhaps you are considering pursuing someone or allowing someone to pursue you. Although these categories are probably not exhaustive, they may be helpful as you think about a potential mate.

 

Four Chemicals for Christian Chemistry:

 

1. Character

It need not go without saying. When it comes to marriage, godly character is not just a deal breaker; it is what the game is all about. This is first on the list because without it nothing else matters. This is the sun all planets orbit around. The rings of Saturn don’t matter without Saturn. Without a deep love for Jesus, marriage will be miserable. The potential wife should be maturing into a Proverbs 31 woman and the potential husband should be a Psalm 112 man. It also should be noted that there is a difference between potential godliness and actual godliness. A wise man pointed out to me that potential godliness does not exist. It is simply “potential.” The person you are considering for marriage must have real visible godly character in order to qualify for the picking.

If you are a woman, you need a husband who is maturing in the faith in order to lead you closer to Jesus. Perfection is not required, but pursuit of holiness is mandatory. If you are a man, you should be seeking a woman who is already exhibiting love, compassion, wisdom and gentleness. Look for the girl who is already serving in your church and washing the feet of the saints. She will be a keeper. Questions to ask include the following: Do I want this man to teach my children the Scriptures? Do I want this woman to raise my children to love the Lord? Is this man a role model I want to follow? Is this lady someone who can show me more of God’s heart and push me closer to Christ?

 

2. Personality

Not everyone is meant to get along all the time. It is a sin to have ungodly character (1 Timothy 3) but it is not a sin to be socially incompatible. Perhaps you are an extrovert and can’t help but be the life of the party. You may or may not mesh with the introvert who loves to study instead of playing Quelf. If wakeboarding gives you a high and you are the president of the local rock climbing club, you might jump off a cliff if you marry someone who is content to never see sunlight. Then again, that kind of thing just might stoke your fire. To each his own. The point is that you need to marry someone you can have a happy conversation with and that enjoys at least some of the things you do. Not all the pistons need to fire, but you at least have to have a motor that runs. Marriage is not meant to be miserable. You should marry someone who compliments your personality. The best way to figure out if your personalities mesh well together is to spend time together in as many appropriate settings as possible.

 

3. Trajectory

It is not just enough to be godly and personable. You need to be on the same tarmac. The man needs to have a plan. What will you be doing in the next 5 – 10 years? You need to be seeking the Lord and know the direction you are traveling. How are you going to turn the world upside down with the message of the gospel? How are you going to bring glory to Jesus with the days he has given you? This does not have to be anything spectacular – it can actually be rather simple. But it needs to be there. And it needs to be going some where.

 

A woman should not marry a man who is simply blowing in the wind. As a woman, do you want to follow the man you are interested in? Do you want to submit to his leadership and pursue magnifying Jesus together? If he wants to be a construction worker that shares the gospel while on a forklift, are you okay with raising his hard hat family? If he wants to be a missionary to Alaska, are you kosher with seal blubber boots?

If a potential wife wants to be a CEO of Google and a potential husband wants to make farm in Pennsylvania, these lovers need to chat before sailing off into the romantic sunset. These are conversations that need to be had and they can be determinative. Do your visions of life align with each other? (Philippians 1:17)

 

4. Attraction

Your future spouse will be your best friend on the planet. But they need to be more than this. If you come home from work and only want to play checkers together, we have a problem. The Bible commands spouses to delight sexually in each other and this requires a level of physical attraction (Proverbs 5:18-19).

Notice that attraction is last on this list. I place it last because attraction can be automatic or it can be cultivated. You may be interested in someone simply because they caught your eye. No problem here necessarily. However, don’t underestimated the reality that physical attraction can also be cultivated. Its funny how this works. Attraction can blind people to ungodly character, yet godly character can open eyes to see beauty. That beauty can spill over into physical interest. You may not be swooning over someone the first time you see them, but after you notice their character, personality and trajectory in life… you might be surprised to find yourself growing in affection for them. Perhaps they are a rare gem in the rocks that need a closer examination to see its value. Perhaps we all need to die to self and acknowledge true beauty.

You may be wondering how these things practically work themselves out. How can you actually use these four criteria? The church is essential. To quote one of my good friends:

 

Dating is a team sport. It is hard to determine this for yourself.  The heart is deceitful above all things.  And there’s hormones.  And emotions.  And social pressure to get married.  Or at least date.  When you get to be older, people start wondering if there’s extra marshmallows in your lucky charms if you’re not dating anyone.

 

Courtship is a community event. Invite your church into your life and don’t be afraid to ask them whether or not you are concocting the right chemicals in your Christian chemistry.

 

The content for this post has been updated and expanded in Letters to a Romantic: On Dating which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing. 

Genesis: One Year Anniversary Poem

rainydaywithjenny

I have heard many couples express angst when they reflect on their first year of marriage. Conflicts, confusion and crying might take place during the first year, but I would never describe my experience this way. In fact, I will trumpet the opposite. I could not be more thrilled since our wedding day. Our marriage is not perfect, but it is full of pleasure. Our joy is rich in God and our hearts are filled with thankfulness. Each morning I awake with my best friend and each eve I kiss her goodnight. I get the privilege of seeking Christ with my precious bride. She has helped me live life in more ways than I imagined. Marriage has hindered nothing.

This anniversary poem attempts to weave events in our lives with the Scripture we have studied devotionally over the past year. I am only a poet by proxy because I am in love. Here is a toast to Jennifer, marriage, and the God of all grace.

A year has past, hard to believe

More memories than moments

My mind couldn’t conceive

How wonderful a year

It surely has been

Rolling and romping

With my best friend

Lilies and lilacs

Mixed in your hair

Holding you closely

Found in His care

Through the garden we ran

Clothed – naked – near

hand and hand

Nothing was mere

We climbed in our ark

Small, full and warm

Hot tea and lightening

Cuddled through storm

Not this year, but down the road

Abraham’s stars,

may become ours

Moving his sand

into our land

Fostering only for now

We hummed with the Sparrows

And researched our Pharaohs

Juggling a proverb here and there

Singing our Psalms, We frolic on

By faith, we embark on this year

What shall entail?

Starfish and pail

How will the wind

blow through our sail?

A year has past,

better we believe

More faith than before

Our minds couldn’t conceive

How wonderful a year

It surely has been

Serving,

Flourishing

With my best friend

God give us grace for more.

Photo from Perron Wedding by Jessica Rai Photography

Letters to a Young Engaged Man: Squeeze Tightly, Hold Loosely

by Sean Perron
by Sean Perron

Dear Young Engaged Man,

There are a great line of men and women who have gone before us. Godly relationships, beautiful marriages, and stories dripping with a sweet fragrance to God. Yet every sweeping romance story must come to an end. Some stories carry on throughout the years and pass away peacefully on a bedside. Others are jarred unexpectedly and brought to a screeching halt.

To be honest, I feel totally inadequate to write to you on such a topic as the death of a loved one. I cannot imagine losing the wife of my youth. The thought of Jennifer dying is something I cannot yet fathom and something for which I barely know how to prepare.

While pursuing Jennifer, my dear friend Rob Coleman would often remind me about the brevity of life. Hold the things of this world loosely Sean, do not cling to them too tightly. Don’t make Jennifer an idol. Christ is sufficient and soon everything else shall pass away.

This world is fading and along with it even the most precious gifts. There will come a time when the brown eyes of my bride will grow dim and her soft hands will go limp. Thoughts of this future moisten my eyes and press against my heart. And if I am not careful, my world will become as dark as the inside of her casket.

The only thing that brings me hope in the midst of such thoughts is the gospel of Jesus. This world is not my home. Nor is it the home of my bride. Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it is not the most beautiful thing. You see, you will soon lock your arms with a fellow Pilgrim. You will soon whisper sweet nothings into the ear of a sojourner. Do not fight death, for Christ has already conquered it. Live this life holding loosely to the hand of your bride, ready and willing to offer her hand back to Jesus.

Jesus has prepared a place for her to dwell. If it were not so, he would have told you. Honor Him and “live your married life as if you were not married.” “Love your wife by hating her.” Such odd sayings of Jesus and Paul aren’t they? Yet they stick in the mind and guard the soul from clinging too closely to this world.

It is a joy and unexpected gift from God to be engaged. It is a joy and cherished delight to walk through life hand in hand with your best friend. Do not fear death or let it rob you of the thrill of glorifying God today. Glorify God by enjoying Him in all things and above all things. Both are possible and the Bible commands such happiness in our lives. Glorify God by enjoying the moments he has given you and the gifts he has bestowed upon you.

Laugh with your fiancée, flirt to the appropriate fullness and buy her beautiful flowers. But be satisfied in God above all these moments. Dig your joy deep into what cannot be taken away. Dip your bucket into the eternal pleasures of God and drink from His fountain that never dries.

There will come a day for us when time will stand still and her grave will be occupied. And we will mourn like we have never mourned before. But we will not despair like the world does. We have a loving Father who grants eternal hope and raises our dead. On that Day, we will be grateful he gave us the grace to enjoy precious moments on earth and to ground our hope in Him above all.

So for now, enjoy Him in all things and above all things.

Or to say it a different way, squeeze her hand tightly but hold it loosely.

Until then,
Sean

 

The content for this post has been expanded into Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing. 

Letters to a Young Engaged Man: A Multitude of Voices

by Sean Perron
by Sean Perron

Dear Young Engaged Man,

Opinions are like armpits, most stink and everyone has two of them. And sometimes the odor can be suffocating.

One of the trends I began to notice while being engaged was everyone has a story. Every couple has an experience to tell or a word to give. You may be noticing that every person who has ever thought about being married has something to help you prepare for the rough days ahead.

Most of the advice you will receive is good, but some of it is not. From your last letter, it sounds like you are drowning in “advice”. Friends, family and even strangers have taken it upon themselves to tell you everything someone else told them. Horror honeymoon tales, scary identity crisis catastrophes, and terrible toothpaste/toilet seat fiascos.
The multitude of voices you are hearing are not inside your head. You may be right; they may actually be the crazy ones.

To be frank, I heard some of the worst advice as a young engaged man. Well-meaning, good people practically paralyzed my fiancee with their overcooked nuggets of wisdom. One person told us to beware of the second week of marriage, “The first week is great, but just you wait… week number two gets awful.” Another person said the second week was fine, but we had better watch out for that second month. Then things get really wooly.

We figured we should start ignoring these people when another couple warned us of the dreaded six month mark. Thats when the wildebeests come out and devour all the happy marriages of the world.

I’ve only mentioned the tip of the iceberg. I would be ashamed to write to you some of the counsel we were given; nevertheless, I must also tell you that I received some of the best advice as a young engaged man. Some of the most precious counsel I have recieved was in pre-marriage counseling. I received wonderful encouragement from particular people that almost brings me to tears when I think about them.

So how can you tell the difference between bad counsel and good counsel? My main suggestion is to know the source. Know the well from which you are seeking water and don’t drink from every running brook.

It is true that “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22. Take note when the Scripture says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14

We should be people who seek the safety of many ropes. However, let us be careful not to be strangled among them. The Proverbs also say, “Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly.” Proverbs 16:22
For there to be safety among counselors, there must be sturdy ropes. Unraveling ropes will not help but only harm. It is possible to unwittingly surround yourself with fools.

I suggest the best place to find counselors is in the local church. Particularly pick the brains of your pastors. “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” Hebrews 13:17

The Author of Wisdom can only be found in one place – the Bible. Take heed to those who spend their lives in the Scriptures. Value their opinions and compare what they say to what you read in the Bible. Starting this habit now will create a great pattern for your future marriage. Prepare now for a lifetime of seeking the Scriptures and rappelling with those who know them well.

May the Scriptures tune our ears to receive good counsel. Whether we receive advice from our parents, pastors, or peers, let us make sure we have ears to hear.

Until then,
Sean

 

The content for this post has been expanded into Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing. 

Letters To A Young Engaged Man: Content with the Greenest Grass

by Sean Perron

Dear Young Engaged Man,

I hope you have not bought into the false idea that the season of engagement is a form of hell. Instead of enjoying engagement and using it to grow in godliness, many people waste the engaged portion of their life because they view it as a hindrance and a necessary obstacle to marriage.

We’ve both talked about how marriage is good and perpetual engagement is not. However, I can’t help but notice that discontentment has given you a low grade fever and even made those around you miserable.

Too many single folks pass their days wishing they were married. There are a lot of single people wishing they were married people.

Girls can dream of their wedding day by pinning all manner of things on their social media just in case they happen upon a relationship tomorrow.  All the while, the guys spend their time twiddling their thumbs to line up a perfect timeline for the next potential candidate.
Whether people are hanging paper lights on a virtual alter or calculating the perfect proposal for the mystery Mrs., contentment is the missing variable from the equation.

Now the irony here is that I know married people who are just as restless in their dreams.  Believe it or not, I have had married friends tell me they wish they were single because they could have more time to read, study, serve, and spend for the kingdom.  Yet the greatest irony is that those restless married people were just as restless when they were engaged!

Notice the inevitable cycle: those discontent singles become discontent marrieds. Engagement just happens to be the canal in between. You must stop the cycle before you reach the other sea.

“I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

Brother, do not forget that you need contentment most when everything seems to be going your way. Whether you are sky high on the thought of engagement, or in the thrills of marriage, you need contentment just as much as when you are sunken low in the shafts of singleness. Contentment in Christ needs to make its way into every crevice of every circumstance.

Regardless of the ringing of wedding bells or the hollow echo of loneliness, I encourage you to lay hold of the strength of Jesus to be content in Him. Circumstances should not change contentment.

What is the secret to a happy life? Realizing that everything you have and need is found in Christ alone. The happiest people in life are not single or married. The happiest people in life are those who seize each season for the glory of God. The grass is greenest where we graze upon God.

May you enjoy each season to the fullest by enjoying God to the highest.

Until then,
Sean

Letters To A Young Engaged Man: Wedding-Ring of Faith

by Sean Perron

Dear Young Engaged Man,

I finally saw the engagement pictures of you and your fiancee. You both look dashing if for no other reason than it is uncontrollably obvious you are both in love. I smiled as I saw the shot of you bowing the knee with ring in hand. Even through the tears, you couldn’t have looked happier.

I recently read an essay by the reformer Martin Luther and a couple of paragraphs caught my eye in light of your recent photos. He connects the gospel to marriage in a way that I had not considered before.

Luther notices that when a couple becomes one flesh, they fully give themselves to each other. The wife gives everything she has to her husband and the husband gives everything she has to the wife.

Our union with Christ is similar. Everything we have (which is sin, shame, guilt and death) becomes Christ’s and everything He has (which is purity, holiness, freedom and life) becomes ours.

Luther writes,

“The third incomparable grace through faith is this, that is unites the soul to Christ, as the wife to the husband; by which mystery, as the Apostle teaches, Christ and the soul are made one flesh. Now if they are one flesh, and if a true marriage, then it follows that all they have becomes theirs in common, as well good things as evil things; so that whatsoever Christ possesses, that the believing soul may take to itself and boast of as its own, and whatever belongs to the soul, that Christ claims as His.”

This is the sweet exchange that Luther is talking about: “If I have sinned, my Christ, in whom I believe, has not sinned; all mine is His, and all His is mine; as it is written, “My beloved is mine, and I am His.””

All of our sins becomes Christ`s and all of His righteousness becomes ours. Many people only think of the gospel as providing forgiveness, but the gospel also gives us the righteous state of Jesus. (2 Cor 5:23) His perfect life becomes our life and our sinful life became His on the cross. This forgiveness and righteousness is only obtained by “the wedding ring of faith.”

Your marriage will not be based on conditions of works. She will not submit a list of good deeds to you at the alter. You may pour sand into a jar, but you will not weigh scales. You will not swap resumes but you will exchange rings. She became your fiancée and wife by a simple pledge of faith.

“Thus the believing soul, by the pledge of its faith in Christ, becomes free from all sin, fearless of death, safe from hell, and endowed with the eternal righteousness, life, and salvation of its husband Christ.”

Brother, as she takes your hand in faith, take the hand of Christ by faith. Pledge your life to him trusting not in your good works or good intentions but only in His perfect life and saving death.
Christ did not buy you with a mere precious metal, but with His own precious blood.
Celebrate your proposal and ponder the greater privilege of being united to Christ.

To conclude with Luther, “Who then can value enough these royal nuptuals? Who can comprehend the riches of the glory of this grace?”

Until then,
Sean

Letters To A Young Engaged Man: Warm Heart vs. Cold Feet

by Sean Perron

Dear Young Engaged Man,

Don’t panic. After your last letter, I felt the icy fear freezing your feet. It almost made me want to put socks on. You are concerned about whether you should continue on the path toward marriage or bail for the single trail.

Let’s examine the series of events:

  • You have been studying your devotions and have spent a long time in 1 Corinthians 7.
  • You want to serve the Lord as best as you can and it seems Paul says singleness is the way to go.
  • Your friends are leaving for the missions field while you are registering for teapots and curtain rods.
  • Your friends are being radical and spending all day at the homeless shelter while you are spending all day licking invitation stamps.
  • You want to serve Jesus but now you are wondering how could you possibly be advancing the kingdom by pursuing marriage.

Pause. Grab the railing. Come let us reason together.
I think you already know the answer, but I will try to freshen the air.

The question of singleness or marriage all boils down to gifting.
Which gift do you have?

“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” (1 Corinthians 7:6-7 ESV)

Notice that both singleness and marriage are gifts. A gift is a good thing.
Singleness is not for the folks who didn’t make the cut. Singleness is not for those who missed the wedding bus and are sulking on the sewer curb.
No, the life of singleness is for those who are zealous for God and his gospel. God has designed singleness for those who do not settle for the mediocre. If you have the gift of singleness, seize it for the glory of God. Take life by the horns, ride the bull, live or die. Launch into the heat of the battle with no restrictions or reservations. Take no prisoners and leave no farewell letters. Visit the orphan, feed the hungry, heal the sick, and preach the gospel.

How do you know if you have the gift of singleness? You are not burning with passion for a wife. You are fine without fatherhood and satisfied without sex. You are content with Jesus and yourself.
Are these questions too basic or too secular? I don’t think so. Jesus has capital on the “secular” and he is the one who made the body to burn for his glory.

But what if you do desire a wife? What if you desire to lead a family and love a woman exclusively without reserve? This might mean marriage is for you.

Marriage is not for those less spiritual or those with less gusto for the gospel. The married life is not for those just couldn’t jump far enough on to the radical boat and are left on the unspiritual dock.
No, the life of marriage is for those who are zealous for God and his gospel. God has designed marriage to display his glory in a unique way. If you have the gift of marriage, don’t bail because you feel less spiritual. Take your wife by the hand, plunge into life, until you die. Launch into the heat of love with no restrictions or reservations. Take up a job and produce little children. Adopt the orphan, feed your neighbor, heal the sick, and preach the gospel.

He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. He who lives a single life, lives a good thing. The point of 1 Corinthians 7 is to live as you are called. Live each season with God first in your heart.  Advance the kingdom of Jesus according to the desires God has given you and according to the circumstances he has placed you in, even if it is not what you expected.

Brother, if your heart longs for your fiancee, it is no sin to marry. Receive it and do not reject it.

For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.
(1 Timothy 4:4-5 ESV)

I have belabored the point, but I am confident your burning heart will warm your cold feet.

Until then,
Sean

The Heart: to Guard or Guide?

Guest Post by Renee Jarrett.

Doors slamming, people screaming, bridges burning. All in an attempt to…guard your heart?

So many relationships have been broken in the name of self-defense. In order to protect, you shut out; it could be friends, a loved one, advice, or relationships all together. Possibly saddest of all is that many think there is a biblical basis for such reactions.

It seems that some verses in the Bible have been commandeered for specific situations, such as putting up a proverbial barrier between your heart and the world. One such verse would be Proverbs 4:23. More than taking it out of context, this verse has somehow come to represent a cause it doesn’t stand for.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Now, insert comment about being careful in a dating relationship. I remember reading this verse in my early teen years and envisioning building a stone wall around my heart. Complete with a moat and devoid of a drawbridge for extra security. How misguided I was!

Just a few verses before, we read, “My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart.” What follows is this admonition to “guard your heart with all vigilance”. It could have just as easily been said to “guard my sayings with all vigilance.” Solomon wants his son’s heart protected to keep wisdom in, not block something out. He knows that his son’s only chance to “put away crooked speech, and…let your eyes look directly forward” comes from the overflow of a wise heart, not the guardianship of a selfish one.

Jeremiah saw the true condition of our fallen hearts: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9. In light of the wicked tendency of our hearts, how on earth does it fly that the heart is something to fawn over, “listen to”, and protect from the enemy? It very easily can be the enemy. We ought to be praying fervently every day that Jesus would pour out his grace and compassion to convict our hearts of sinfulness. While they are made new after salvation in Christ, they are still in need of guidance. That means that our hearts need to be open to correction, rebuke, exhortation, and words of wisdom; just like the ones Solomon was trying to teach to his son.

If emotional protection is what you seek from a verse like Proverbs 4:23, learn from David and commit your spirit to the Lord. There is no greater protection for your soul than to entrust it to the founder and perfecter of our faith. In so doing you will fill your heart with wisdom and Christ-found joy. Even if you have to take down walls from your heart brick by brick, I promise you that what is on the inside surface of the wall is uglier and more hurtful than what has been thrown against it.

If you have been through a painful relationship, the root of bitterness grown deep in your heart is more harmful than the temporary rejection of someone else. You can move on from rejection. But bitterness only strengthens its hold on your heart and worms its way into every relationship you lay claim to. So remove the wall and welcome the wisdom.

[Guest post by Renee Jarrett. Renee is a reader, writer, and lover of Christ. She is currently majoring in Biblical counseling at Boyce College.]

Letters to a Young Engaged Man: Sweep it Under the Sofa

Dear Young Engaged Man,

You would not believe the ridiculous stories I have heard.  Young couples are arguing over absurd and trite issues. There are couples receiving marriage counseling over where their furniture should be positioned in their home. These things ought not be.

But before we cast the first cushion at the sofa sinners, let us examine our own hearts. We are not far from ruining everything. Sin is deceitful and literally insane.  We must be watchful that we do not find ourselves quarreling over insignificant matters. If it is small, sweep it under the sofa.

Let her pick out the colors of the wedding. Let her outline the ceremony the way she desires.  Purpose now in your heart to relinquish any of your cultural idols for her sake. If you start now, you will love your wife better in the future. You will be happy to let her organize the cabinets according to how she was raised.

Does this stab at your manhood or belittle your headship? Do not be so proud.  May we learn to let go of the petty things in this life. The Bible demands even more:

“To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud – even your own brothers!” (1 Corinthians 6:7-8)

If you should stay out of court with your brother and instead take a monetary hit and a social loss, how much more should you allow your fiancée to have her preferences?

Do not do these things for her as a “favor”. Nor view her as needy or in need of sympathy. This is not about her needs or your needs. This is about our need to love like Jesus.  Beware of the back scratching heart. Do not scratch her back so that she will scratch yours. Jesus did not bear the cross on his back in order that we would coddle him later. His love had no alterior motive and neither should ours.

A true leader genuinely considers the interests of others better than himself.  Let us strive to be like Christ. May God give you grace to love her by letting go of petty preferences.

Until then,
Sean

Letter To A Young Engaged Man: The Marriage Bed

Dear Young Engaged Man,

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes sex.

I am frustrated by most churches who neglect this topic and do the body of Christ great harm. Simultaneously, I am frustrated with other churches who are explicit with sex and talk about it in very unhelpful ways; nevertheless, Jesus wants Christians to think biblically about this topic.  Many things could be said here but I want to focus on the attitude that should shape the way we view sex.

The gospel has no bounds and is not privy to categories of “public” or “private.” Jesus is the God of the living room and of the bed room. God will not let you be selfish in any area, including your most intimate endeavors. Our sex drive should be selfless. Your pleasure must be rooted in God and in bringing your spouse pleasure.

On your wedding night and then every night after, your mind should be that of Christ Jesus, who, although being in the form of God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking on the very nature of a servant (Philippians 2:5-7). Before lying down in bed with your wife, you must be willing to lay your life down for her.  We need the grace of Jesus to do this.

The Christian must not do anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. The marriage bed must remain undefiled by lust and selfishness.  This is why only Christians can have truly satisfying sex. Only the Christian couple can find their delight in selfless service. It is only the Christian husband or wife who can satisfy both their body and heart in the marriage bed.

Remember to love your neighbor as yourself, especially the one who will sleep next to you. Settle it in your heart now to make your marital bliss complete by being selfless. Purpose to do whatever you do, whether you eat, drink, or have sex, to do it all for the glory of God.

Until then,
Sean