Letters to a Young Engaged Man: Sweep it Under the Sofa

Dear Young Engaged Man,

You would not believe the ridiculous stories I have heard.  Young couples are arguing over absurd and trite issues. There are couples receiving marriage counseling over where their furniture should be positioned in their home. These things ought not be.

But before we cast the first cushion at the sofa sinners, let us examine our own hearts. We are not far from ruining everything. Sin is deceitful and literally insane.  We must be watchful that we do not find ourselves quarreling over insignificant matters. If it is small, sweep it under the sofa.

Let her pick out the colors of the wedding. Let her outline the ceremony the way she desires.  Purpose now in your heart to relinquish any of your cultural idols for her sake. If you start now, you will love your wife better in the future. You will be happy to let her organize the cabinets according to how she was raised.

Does this stab at your manhood or belittle your headship? Do not be so proud.  May we learn to let go of the petty things in this life. The Bible demands even more:

“To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud – even your own brothers!” (1 Corinthians 6:7-8)

If you should stay out of court with your brother and instead take a monetary hit and a social loss, how much more should you allow your fiancée to have her preferences?

Do not do these things for her as a “favor”. Nor view her as needy or in need of sympathy. This is not about her needs or your needs. This is about our need to love like Jesus.  Beware of the back scratching heart. Do not scratch her back so that she will scratch yours. Jesus did not bear the cross on his back in order that we would coddle him later. His love had no alterior motive and neither should ours.

A true leader genuinely considers the interests of others better than himself.  Let us strive to be like Christ. May God give you grace to love her by letting go of petty preferences.

Until then,