Tag: bible

Dancing through the Minefields

This week marks six months since my bone marrow transplant (and 15 months since diagnosis). My PET scan shows that my cancer is still in remission. This is a huge praise. 

In addition to this good news, my latest echocardiogram shows that my heart is doing well. This means the heart failure I experienced during transplant was likely circumstantial instead of chronic. This is great news. I have to return again to Houston in three months for more immunity shots and another PET scan. Please continue to pray the cancer stays away. You can watch our video update here.

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! (Psalm 107:1)

My heart is steadfast, O God! I will sing and make melody with all my being! (Psalm 108:1)

The transplant brought numerous trials that we never expected. Through it all, Jenny has been by my side. She was with me in the worst moments and cared for me in countless ways. Whether it was reading Scripture out loud when I was anxious or helping me as my skin burned off, she was there. God is my very present help in times of need and one way he has been present is through Jenny. 

We took Christmas photos early this year. While taking photos, Jenny and I were able to dance at the Jacksonville Arboretum. Back in May, I could not walk without Jenny holding me up. But today I’m able to dance and twirl her around. Our hearts are filled with gratitude to God to make this possible. We believe each day is a gift from Jesus. 

To all our friends and family, thank you for your prayers and being with us on this journey. 

Jenny, I’m so glad I can continue dancing with you through the minefields.

Photo Credit: Victoria Hope Waters

My Three-Month Checkup

Updates

  • Jenny and I flew to Houston this week for scans and my fourth round of maintenance chemo.
  • My PET scan is “spotless,” according to my medical team.
  • I will continue to get chemo through the end of the year, and my next PET scan is three months from now.

Prayer Requests & Praises

  • It is an immense blessing to have a clear PET scan. Praise the Lord! Thank you for praying!
  • Please pray for continued clean scans in the months ahead and for protection from infections while I’m immunocompromised.

What I’m Learning

  • A frequent prayer of mine is that God would teach me to number my days so that I may gain a heart of wisdom. Each day feels more precious than it did before cancer arrived. We want to prioritize time with the Lord, family, friends, and the church.
  • Investing in eternal matters now carries a weight of glory that feels tangibly heavier and more valuable. I find myself asking questions like, “Is what we are watching worth the time I may have left? Is what I’m doing actually important—or trivial and frivolous? What good works remain that I should pursue if my time is limited?”
  • God has seen to it that there are good works still left for me to complete. He has prepared them in advance for me. The same is true for you!

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Return, O LORD! How long? Have pity on your servants!
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
(Psalm 90:12–14)

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
(Ephesians 2:8–10)

What Has Been Encouraging

  • Awaiting the results of a medical scan is unpleasant—especially a serious scan. I’ve been encouraged by Psalm 27, which calls the people of God to put away fear and put on trust in the Lord. Even if an army encamps against us, there is no reason to fear when God is our shelter in the day of trouble.
  • David exhorts us to wait on the Lord and to take up courage. This psalm is a timely word for anyone who is facing the unknown. The Lord knows the future, and our hope is in him.

Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27:3)

For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:5)

A Storm on the Horizon

Updates:

  • We are home! Our return flight was delayed at least five times, so we ended up arriving at our house around 3 a.m. The trip wiped me out, but I’m recovering!
  • We’ve started unpacking!
  • My next chemo treatment is scheduled for July 24th.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We are thankful to be home. It is surreal.
  • This Sunday, I will be preaching at First Baptist on my cancer journey and Psalm 34. We’d love to see you there!
    The service is at 10:45 a.m. (EST) and you can livestream it at this link if you’re unable to attend: https://fbcjax.com
  • I discovered I couldn’t fit into any of my dress clothes. This is an answer to prayer because a big concern at the beginning of our transplant journey was potential weight loss. (I also know many folks have wanted me to gain weight for a while!) We went shopping and tried on clothes to make sure I had something to preach in on Sunday instead of gym shorts.
  • My mysterious water retention continues (also probably contributes to my increase in size), but I’m not alarmed. I’ll continue to be monitored in the weeks ahead.

What I’m Learning:

  • I’ve been reflecting on Proverbs 10:24–25. This passage teaches how the righteous respond to trials compared with the wicked:

What the wicked dreads will come upon him,
but the desire of the righteous will be granted.
When the tempest passes, the wicked is no more,
but the righteous is established forever.
(Proverbs 10:24–25)

  • This passage assumes that a storm is coming—for everyone. “When the tempest passes.” There is a storm on the horizon for each of us. I don’t know when yours will arrive, but I know it’s coming.
  • Before the storm comes, turn to the Lord. Nurture your relationship with Him now by faith, so that when the tempest passes, you will be established forever—and not like the wicked, who are devastated.
  • Deliverance in this life is a “glimpse” of the deliverance to come in eternal life. And when the wicked are destroyed in this life, it serves as a parable of what will happen in the end times, when Christ judges the world. The righteous will be saved; the wicked will be condemned.
  • Deliverance from cancer—and from every affliction—is meant to cause us to reflect upon our final state and whether we will be delivered in the end.

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • After three months, we are finally home. When we walked into our house, it was clear that someone from First Baptist had been here. Posters with handwritten notes from church members are all over our walls!
  • There are so many, I’m pretty sure we’ll be finding them in different rooms for a while. It will take us some time to read through all the encouragement. We are grateful to be back in Florida with our First Baptist church family.

Heading Home

Updates:

  • Today was my last day of doctor appointments in Houston before heading home next week. I have swelling in my arms, legs, and face that is mysterious but will not prevent me from traveling.
  • We have started packing!

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We are planning to return to Jacksonville! Praise the Lord!
  • For some reason, I continue to retain water. My medical team is monitoring this, but please pray that it ceases. It’s likely a side effect of the transplant and my current chemotherapy.
  • Lord willing, I will be preaching at First Baptist on July 20th. We would love to see you there!

What I Am Learning

  • Last week, I mentioned that I’ve been reading about Hezekiah in the book of Isaiah. There’s a story in which he and Jerusalem are surrounded by the Assyrian army. Hezekiah receives several messages from the enemy, yet he turns to God in prayer for deliverance.
  • One of the ways God answers his prayer is by sending the angel of the Lord to slay the Assyrian army in the night. It was a miraculous, surprise attack.

“For I will defend this city to save it, for my own sake and for the sake of my servant David.” And the angel of the LORD went out and struck down 185,000 in the camp of the Assyrians. And when people arose early in the morning, behold, these were all dead bodies. Then Sennacherib king of Assyria departed and returned home and lived at Nineveh. (Isaiah 37:35–37)

  • God could have chosen any method to destroy His enemies, but He chose to send the angel of the Lord. This is the same angel who surrounds God’s people today. As Christians, we inherit the promises of Psalm 34:

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. (Psalm 34:6–7)

  • Hezekiah knew the Psalms. He humbled himself as a poor man, and the Lord delivered him using the very angel mentioned in Psalm 34:7. God will do the same for us today if we turn to Him in faith.

What Has Been Encouraging

  • As we reflect on the past three months, it’s clear we have not walked this journey alone. The Lord has been with us, and He has given us the body of Christ to care for us at every turn.
  • First Baptist Church members have supported us, prayed for us, and stayed in touch through these tumultuous weeks. Our story is their story—they have walked through the fire with us. The kindness we have experienced is overwhelming. We are eager to return!
  • Local churches in Houston have also come alongside us in humbling ways. Some didn’t even know us, yet they loved and served us as if we were members of their own congregations.
  • Jenny and I slipped into a chapel service at MD Anderson this past week. It was a short service between appointments. As we stood at the door, we saw my primary doctor enter the chapel. We quietly sat down beside him as the Scripture was being read. It was a wonderful moment as we prayed together, knowing we both need the Lord’s help.
  • The community of the saints is one of the great blessings of life. If you’ve stumbled upon this blog and aren’t connected to a local church—don’t miss out! Plan to attend a Bible-preaching church this Sunday. You just might be surprised by how wonderful it can be.

The Black Sky of Suffering

Updates:

  • I just received my second chemo treatment here in Houston and, Lord willing, plan to have my next infusion in Jacksonville.
  • My next PET scan is scheduled for August 14th. It will mark 100 days since my transplant.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We are eager to return to Jacksonville! Please pray that nothing hinders this return.
  • For some reason, I am retaining water and experiencing swelling in my face, arms, and legs. My medical team is monitoring this, but please pray that it ceases.
  • I still have not experienced a significant allergic reaction to my new chemo. Praise the Lord!

What I Am Learning

  • At night, I’ve been reading about Hezekiah from the book of Isaiah. There’s a story where he and Jerusalem are surrounded by the Assyrian army. Hezekiah receives several messages from the enemy claiming they are fully capable of them.
  • Upon receiving a chilling letter from the Assyrians, Hezekiah recognizes his plight and turns to the Lord:

Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers and read it. Then Hezekiah went up to the house of the Lord and spread it before the Lord. And Hezekiah prayed to the Lord:

“O Lord of hosts, God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, you are the God—you alone—of all the kingdoms of the earth; you have made heaven and earth.

Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear; open your eyes, O Lord, and see; and hear all the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to mock the living God.

Truly, O Lord, the kings of Assyria have laid waste all the nations and their lands, and have cast their gods into the fire. For they were no gods, but the work of men’s hands, wood and stone. Therefore they were destroyed.

So now, O Lord our God, save us from his hand, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you alone are the Lord.”
— Isaiah 37:14–20

  • I love how Hezekiah spreads out the letter of certain death before God and gives it over to Him. He turns to the Lord, prays, and trusts God to save. These steps outline the same path we must take when we are in trouble. We must lift our eyes to the hills, where our help comes from—the Maker of heaven and earth (See also Psalm 121).
  • If you’ve never read the full story, start in Isaiah 36. See how God miraculously delivers His people when Hezekiah calls upon His name. God hears our prayers—and yet, He makes an even better promise than the one found in Isaiah 36–37. Jesus offers eternal salvation through His life and death to everyone who calls upon His name:

And it shall come to pass that everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
— Acts 2:21

What Has Been Encouraging

  • Last night was the Fourth of July, and we let our kids stay up late to watch the fireworks. We watched from the rooftop of a building downtown in the medical center. I could see many hospital offices and emergency departments—the med center has 21 hospitals.
  • As we stood watching, Jenny and I reflected on how I had been in the building next door for 30 days. My hospital window didn’t offer nearly the same view. Feeling the wind on the rooftop and watching fireworks with my family—the kids in their firecracker PJs—was a real blessing. I’m thankful to be out of the hospital and prayed for those still inside that familiar building.
  • I was reminded of a quote I once heard: like a firework, God’s glory shines best against a background of darkness. This is especially true in suffering. Our trials create the black sky upon which God’s magnificence explodes with color.

Stranger than Fiction! (Mold Part 2)

Updates:

  • Sometimes real life is stranger than fiction! If you’ve been following our journey, you know that in my last update we left our rental house due to mold. In this update, I’m surprised to report that just two days after moving into our new apartment, we discovered mold again! Yes—this is round two.
  • We checked in advance with the apartment complex and were assured in writing that there was no mold and that the unit would be thoroughly cleaned due to my unfortunate situation as a stem cell transplant patient. After we discovered the mold, however, the landlords denied its existence and treated us very harshly.
  • After much debate and documentation, the landlords finally agreed to release us from our lease if we choose to leave. We’ve been vigorously searching and have narrowed down our options for a new rental. It’s been challenging—between needing to stay within a specific radius of MD Anderson and finding a space that accommodates our whole family. We’re hopeful to be settled in next week.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

⁃ When I was in ICU, I experienced heart failure. I’ve been seeing a cardiologist at MD Anderson and recently had a follow-up echocardiogram. By God’s grace, my heart has returned to normal and has fully recovered from the sepsis complications. This is a tremendous blessing!
⁃ Please pray that we can secure a final place to stay during our remaining weeks in Houston.
⁃ I’m continuing my chemotherapy treatments and, so far, I haven’t experienced any major side effects. I’m very grateful—please pray this continues!

What I Am Learning:

  • I’ve been meditating on Psalm 34, and it has brought comfort during this stressful week. It speaks of how God delivers His people from trouble. What struck me afresh is how God delivers the righteous from the wicked. He hears the cries of His people who have been mistreated by unbelievers. Whether it’s sickness, mold, or heartless landlords—God hears our prayers and promises deliverance.
  • Jesus is the ultimate example of God’s protection and deliverance. He was mistreated more than anyone ever has been or will be. He was mocked, framed, and shown no sympathy by the Pharisees or the Romans. Yet God “kept all His bones” and raised Him from the dead so that we might be forgiven.

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. (Psalm 34:6)


The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. (Psalm 34:15–17)


Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. (Psalm 34:19–21)

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Physically, I’m gaining strength each day. My physical therapists are pleased with the progress, and I hope to be walking without a walker by the time we leave Houston. Thank you for praying!
  • Our plan is to return to Jacksonville in mid-July. I’m so looking forward to preaching at First Baptist on July 20th. Even though I won’t be able to hug you, I hope to see you there!

Moving and Mold: God’s Plan

Updates:

  • I have started my new chemo treatment and will continue this regimen until Christmas.
  • We found mold in our rental house. Thankfully, we have now secured a new apartment and will be moving in this weekend.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My medical team described this new chemo as the “icing on the [transplant] cake”—their effort to eliminate any remaining cancer cells. They know the cancer is aggressive and want to use every available means to eradicate it. Please pray that this treatment is effective!
  • My appetite has improved! While I’m still not very hungry at dinnertime, I am maintaining my weight. Thank you for praying about this.
  • We plan to move back in with our kids this weekend. It’s been two months since I’ve lived with them! Please pray the move goes smoothly and isn’t further delayed.

What I Am Learning

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

  • We have been so excited to be reunited with our kids. The plan was to move in this past Monday. Our kids had gotten sick about 10 days earlier, so we had been waiting for them to recover. Once they were feeling great, we prepared to move in.
  • Before going to the house, we scheduled a cleaning just to make sure all the germs were gone. While cleaning, the company discovered mold coming from the air vents.
  • Mold is especially dangerous for me right now. We are so thankful for God’s providence and protection that kept us from moving in. It’s remarkable—if the kids hadn’t gotten sick (which at the time felt like a setback), I would have moved in right away and been unknowingly exposed to mold. We wouldn’t have hired cleaners if the kids hadn’t been sick. In God’s providence, their illness prevented what could have been a serious health risk. We made our plans, but the Lord directed our steps.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son… And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”
(Romans 8:28–30)

What Has Been Encouraging

  • We didn’t plan to move in the middle of our stay in Texas, but that is what God planned. The owner of the rental home has been incredibly kind to us throughout and is graciously helping us as we transition to a new place.
  • Even though we don’t have a lot of stuff, moving is a lot of work. I’m not able to help with physical labor—I’m just now relearning how to walk up and down stairs and can’t lift anything heavy. Jenny needs help, and the Lord has provided!
  • First Baptist Houston heard about our situation and has stepped in to help with the move. They’ve gone above and beyond to transport our things and protect us from further exposure to illness.
  • We’re so thankful for their kindness! They’ve repeatedly told us: “You might be far from home, but you are not alone here!”

God Answers Prayer

Updates:

  • I’m doing physical therapy three times a week and making progress each day. The goal is that by the end of June, I’ll be able to stand for an hour without getting winded. It’s amazing to realize just how deconditioned my body has become — even the simplest exercises are tough!
  • The doctors are optimistic that the transplant was successful. Despite this good news, I will need to receive more chemotherapy for the next six months. A new study shows this additional treatment might help patients with my condition stay in remission, and my doctor wants to pursue it. I’ll receive two rounds here in Houston and the rest back in Jacksonville.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • This week, I met with my main transplant doctor and oncologist. He said my bloodwork is “pristine” for where I should be in recovery — wonderful news!
  • My appetite is strong for one meal, mediocre for a second, and almost absent by dinner. Please pray for my appetite to fully return.
  • It will take months to rebuild my immune system. Please pray that I remain healthy and do not need to return to the hospital.

What I’m Learning:

  • Sometimes, I’m a slow learner. It has taken me months to realize that one of the primary ways God is using this suffering is to encourage others in prayer. Again and again, I’ve heard people say they’ve been praying for me — and then they’ve seen God answer their prayers. Most of the time, He goes above and beyond what we could ask or imagine.
  • God has answered so many prayers and showered us with blessings during this wild and crazy time. I know He’s done this for His glory, and I’m so thankful for your prayers for me and my family. I hope you are encouraged in your own prayer life — to ask God for bold things, not just for me, but for yourself and His kingdom.

And he said to them, “When you pray, say: ‘Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come.’” (Luke 11:2)


Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16)

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Book recommendations can be risky. It’s easy to recommend something you love only for others to dislike it. Everyone enjoys different genres and writing styles — Charles Dickens’s style, for example, tends to generate polarizing opinions!
  • During my transplant journey, I set out with a sizable reading list. Unfortunately, my time in the ICU and hospital didn’t allow for as much reading as I hoped. Still, there’s one book I finished right before I got sepsis — and it was quite an unusual choice for me. Yet I was completely captivated.
  • In fact, I’d say it’s now in my top five favorite books of all time. It became a real companion while I was in and out of the ER and waiting for appointments. The chapters are short (2–3 pages each), and I found the content incredibly powerful.
    I’ll say no more except: give Theo of Golden by Allen Levi a try. If you enjoy it, let me know. If not — don’t judge me too hard — and maybe give A Tale of Two Cities a try instead!

Reflections on Ringing the Gong

Updates:

  • After 30 days in the hospital, I have been released! My blood counts are improving daily, and I’ve been placed on a lymphoma “Fast Track” recovery plan. Each day, I go to MDA for at least one appointment, and they are monitoring me closely.
  • I currently have no immunity, so my doctors have me on strict protocols to prevent any infection or virus. Unfortunately, our kids recently caught a cold, which means I won’t be able to see them for another week.
  • I will have another PET scan later this month to check on the status of my cancer. I will continue to receive regular PET scans over the next five years. The doctors won’t know whether the treatment was ultimately successful until we reach that five-year mark.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I’m incredibly thankful to the Lord that I’m an “early engrafter” and only had to stay in the hospital for 30 days. This is a true blessing and a surprise. I was told I would likely be a late engrafter for several reasons, but the Lord shocked us all!
  • I’m still re-learning simple tasks and currently walk with assistance. I attend physical therapy three times a week, and the main goal is to be walking without a walker by the end of June.
  • It will take months to rebuild my immune system. Please pray that I don’t get sick during this time, which would require a return to the hospital.

What I Am Learning:

  • I continue to learn the lesson of trusting God with all my heart (Proverbs 3:5–6). Ringing the gong on my way out of the hospital was a wonderful moment. I’ve been waiting since last August to ring some sort of cancer bell to signal the end of my treatment. The laughter and look on Jenny’s face when I rang the gong are priceless to me. I’m deeply thankful.
  • And yet, we still don’t know if the treatment worked. There’s no physical way to know right now—only time will tell. The doctors are optimistic but can’t offer guarantees. Even as we celebrate the completion of chemotherapy and my hospital discharge, there remains a deep opportunity to trust the Lord with the future. God has set it up this way, so I continue to depend on Him for complete healing. He’s not done stretching, shaping, and growing my faith through this trial.
  • I know the Lord has helped me every step of the way during this transplant process. But I must continue to trust Him with the years ahead and “lean not on my own understanding.” The journey of faith is not a one-time decision—it’s a lifelong pilgrimage to the celestial city.
  • While the doctors are optimistic and cannot guarantee total healing, Jesus promises that He will never leave me nor forsake me. The cross is my guarantee of that promise. Jesus died for my sins and rose again. Will He not also graciously give me everything I need? Will He not hold my future firmly, no matter what future PET scans may show?

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? … Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?”
— Romans 8:31–35

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
— Proverbs 3:5–8

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Fresh air! It’s good to be out of the hospital, even if I’m still weak. The Lord has humbled me through this process, and it’s easier now to see all the things I once took for granted. Going to lunch with a friend is a gift from the Lord. Being able to bend down and put on socks is a blessing. Attending a crowded event without fear of illness is a favor from God.
  • When we aren’t facing sickness or trials, it’s easy to feel independent from God and forget that our ability to eat, sleep, drink, and enjoy one another is a result of His kindness. Taking our health and “normal” life for granted is a subtle form of pride.
  • On a personal level, what can you enjoy today that you might normally overlook? What can you thank God for that you’ve forgotten comes from Him? When was the last time you asked for your “daily bread,” or do you just assume it will come?

“Give us each day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”
— Luke 11:3–4

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
— 1 Corinthians 10:31

“Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
— James 1:16–17

Weakness and Winning the Lottery

Updates

  • Since my last blog, much has transpired. I received high-intensity chemo (Boy! They were not kidding. I didn’t realize fully how intense it would be!) and a stem-cell transplant. During the transplant, my vital signs plummeted; my body went into septic shock and I developed double pneumonia.
  • I was in the ICU for four days and have been slowly regaining my strength since then. I can now walk about 500 feet before becoming completely winded. I’ve never felt weaker in my entire life, but each day I grow a bit stronger.
  • I’m grateful to be able to type this without pain, as I previously experienced intense chemo burns on my hands from the treatment.

Prayer Requests and Praises

  • One of my nurses told me I should “buy a lottery ticket” when I recover, because I’m so lucky to be alive. I have no plans to gamble, but I praise God for sustaining my life. I was disoriented during the worst of it and didn’t fully grasp the gravity of my situation, yet God preserved me even when I didn’t realize how much danger I was in.
  • I am still very weak. Yesterday I walked with physical therapy and afterward was too exhausted to eat dinner, even though I wanted to so badly. Please pray that God would strengthen me each day.

Blessed is the one who considers the poor!
In the day of trouble the LORD delivers him;
the LORD protects him and keeps him alive;
he is called blessed in the land;
you do not give him up to the will of his enemies.
The LORD sustains him on his sickbed;
in his illness you restore him to full health. (Psalm 41:1–3)

What I Am Learning

I couldn’t use my hands because of the pain, and I couldn’t eat due to mouth sores from the chemo. I couldn’t walk or use the restroom on my own. I needed help in every way—and I still need constant assistance as I work to regain my strength. This is a time when I am utterly dependent physically.

In these moments, I must call upon the Lord for help and strength. It’s a strange and disconcerting feeling to want to do something but be physically unable. To desire food but not have the strength to eat is difficult. But even though my body is weak, the Lord remains the same. He is still lovely. He has not left me. This is a time to call upon Him afresh.

“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
— Psalm 46:10–11

What Has Been Encouraging

  • Jenny and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on May 12th. I joked with the ICU staff that I had booked the most expensive hotel possible to celebrate our anniversary.It’s hard to express how essential Jenny has been to my healing process. She has read me the Psalms when I’ve been afraid, advocated for me when I could not speak, and even cleared massive amounts of mucus from my throat when I was choking in the middle of the night. She has cared for me consistently, kindly, and with complete devotion.
  • She has been my companion in sickness and in health. You could say I won the lottery, but it would be a lie. The Lord has shown me immense favor. I love her so much. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing,” but he who found Jenny did even better! Praise the Lord! (Proverbs 18:22)