Tag: cancer

A Unique Christmas Season

Updates: 

  • This week all three of our kids had fevers and an upper respiratory sickness. I have been quarantined away from them for a week. Currently, two of them are better, but the smallest remains under the weather. It has been tempting to venture out into the house, but it is imperative that I not get sick.
  • The doctors are currently concerned about my port being infected. Part of the reason I must remain isolated is if I contract a fever, then it will delay treatment. The main sign to alert them to an infection is a low-grade fever.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • The wound from my port placement is being monitored by my medical team. It has not healed fully, and has caused some concern. Earlier in the week I was told I might have to receive a replacement port in order to proceed with future treatments. We will know more on Monday, but it is a real matter of prayer that I will be infection-free. Please pray my wound heals, that I do not have to undergo another port surgery, and that my treatment will not be delayed. 
  • Jenny has been working around the clock to care for our sick kids and me while I’ve been tucked away in our room. I am very thankful for her, and it is a real praise that she has not gotten sick! 

What I am Learning: 

  • The news of a potential infection and, therefore, a delay felt like a setback this week. At my stage of cancer, to delay even one week is a serious issue. The doctors do not want to delay unless absolutely necessary. 
  • As I have been reflecting on the potential possibility, there have been several passages of Scripture that have comforted me. One of those passages is Psalm 131. It is a short Psalm and I have found it easy to memorize. 

       O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 131, A Song of Ascents, Of David.)

  • When you are waiting for a doctor to render a verdict, there are a lot of thoughts which can occupy your mind. What if there is an infection? What if I don’t get the treatment? What if they make a wrong decision? What if _______ happens? The questions are nearly infinite with trouble. 
  • Psalm 131 reminds us that God wants our minds to be occupied with hoping in him… not worrying about the future. Today has enough trouble of its own, and when our minds are filled with thoughts of the future, it is unprofitable. These verses teach us to fix our eyes, not on the problems (or potential problems) that loom large. They teach us to fix our eyes upon the Lord, who is our help. 
  • The Songs of Ascent frequently tell us where to place our eyes. In Psalm 121, we lift our eyes to the hills because God is going to come deliver us. In Psalm 123, our eyes look desperately to the hand of our Master until he has mercy upon us. In Psalm 131 our eyes are not raised up to dwell on things outside of our control. Instead, they are looking low and taking a posture of humility. We lower our eyes away from our problems and place them upon our loving Lord. This is how we can become calm. Our hope is in the Lord, who always does what is best and has secured for us eternal life through the death and resurrection of Jesus. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Due to sickness, we did not have Christmas decorations up. We had several church members offer to come and put up decorations in our house and yard. 
  • One family came to remove all our decorations from the attic, one church member came to set up our Christmas tree, another family came to put decorations in our yard, and one family spent half a day cleaning and decorating our entire house. This has been a tremendous blessing to my family and has taken a burden off them!
  • Each of these families has blessed us, and we won’t forget it. We went from zero to sixty in our Christmas décor! We are so thankful for First Baptist and their love.  

Where does our help come from?

Updates: 

  • I received a good report from the doctor on Monday. There is no more cancer in my liver and every cancerous area in my body has reduced in size. There is still cancer in one of my lungs, my bones, and my neck, but they believe the remainder of my treatments will remove these spots.
  • I am very grateful to God for this progress and have five treatments left.  

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • It is a huge praise to know the treatment is working. Please pray that the remaining infusions work and remove all the cancer! 
  • Our kids have gotten sick with a fever upper respiratory bug. I am currently isolated away from them so that I don’t get sick. Please pray they recover and that both Jenny and I remain well. We need Jenny to stay well while she is working double-time!

What I am Learning: 

  • I mentioned previously that I am memorizing the Songs of Ascent. The phrase “The Lord who made heaven and earth” appears three times in these chapters.
  • Where does our help come from? If we want to have our fears calmed, the answer must be God. The Bible describes God as our helper. He is a very present “help” in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1-2).
  • Yet how do we know he is able to truly help us? We know God will help us because he made everything.
  • What do you need help with? Are the mountains falling around you? God made them. Is a sickness plaguing you? God made your body. Is an enemy threatening you? God made him too. The reminder of God as the maker of everything is a source of hope for the Christian. Take all your fears and anxieties to the one who made you, loves you, and holds the whole world in his hands. 

My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:2)

Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:8)

May the LORD bless you from Zion, he who made heaven and earth! (Psalm 134:3)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I serve on staff with a team of wonderful pastors. These men have been faithfully encouraging me, praying for me, and supporting me. They have checked in on me, my family, and my parents as well. Recently, they wrote me a personal note marking the halfway point in my treatment journey. I am deeply thankful to serve with such godly men at First Baptist. I know that I am not alone in being one of the people who have been blessed by them!

Feasting as War

Updates: 

  • Monday, December 2nd, will be a significant doctor’s visit. The results of my PET scan will be explained in detail.  
  • It is clear that the majority of my cancerous areas are decreasing. The question is, are they decreasing at the expected rate for where I am in my treatment plan? Am I ahead of schedule? Right on time? Or behind? Only my oncologist can give an accurate assessment, and that will take place on Monday. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I was able to enjoy the greatest Thanksgiving Day ever. It was full of reading, laughing, story-telling, and feasting. We always read the prayer together for feasting found in Every Moment Holy. “To gather joyfully is indeed a serious affair, for feasting and all enjoyments gratefully take are, at their heart, acts of war. In celebrating this feast we declare that evil, and death, suffering and loss, sorrow and tears, will not have the final word.” 
  • Please pray that I am “on time” or ahead in my treatment schedule. I am thankful the cancer is reducing, and now the need is for it to reduce at the proper pace until it is completely gone!

What I am Learning: 

  • As mentioned before, Pastor Heath encouraged me to read the book of Philippians and write out its implications for suffering. Here are seven truths for Christians about suffering from chapter 3 of Philippians. 

1. Suffering and pain allow me to see the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:8).

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…” 

2. Suffering loss allows me to gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

“… For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ” 

3. Suffering allows me to know Christ and the power of his resurrection (Philippians 3:10).

4. Suffering allows me to become like Jesus in his death and is a means by which I may obtain the resurrection from the dead (Philippians 3:10-11).

“That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” 

5. I can press on through suffering because Jesus has made me his own through his suffering (Philippians 3:12).

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” 

6. I can press on and strain for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13- 14).

7. Suffering teaches me that my citizenship is in heaven and God will one day transform my body into a glorious body like his by the power that controls all things – including my circumstances (Philippians 3:20-21).

“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • The practice of journaling has been a source of encouragement to me. I am not overly strict in the discipline to make it a burden but rather journal as my heart is heavy or as time permits. I never write more than a few paragraphs. 
  • Journaling thankful lists has been a means by which the Lord brings his peace which passes all understanding. A self-imposed goal of writing out ten items of thanksgiving brings a flurry of joy which overcomes anxious thoughts. This excellent sermon on the 9th commandment has spurred me on to replace a lack of content with a full notebook of joy. 

Giving Thanks

Updates: 

  • Today was my half-way point PET scan. This scan shows the effectiveness of the treatment plan. 
  • I won’t hear the official results of the scan from my doctor until December 2nd. However, they have released preliminary results. Here are the highlights: 1) The cancerous lymph nodes are reduced in size. Some are completely gone! 2) My liver no longer has cancer on it. 3) There is activity on my bones, but the scan can’t show exactly what that is. It could be the chemo working. (Which is likely) but the doctor will have to tell me. So, in summary: It is a good report and the treatment plan is working! Praise the Lord!!

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My Sunday prayer was that this week would be the best cancer killing week to date. On Monday we waited over an hour in the lobby for my chemo infusion. This was unusual. The nurse came out and told me they had to lower the dosage of my infusion based on weight and vitals. This was disappointing news. The original plan was to blast me as hard as possible with the max dosage of chemo until my body surrendered. If my body could not handle it, then they would need to adjust the meds. It seemed my body was raising a white flag. So, when we were finally called back for treatment, I asked for an update. The nurse was incorrect. They actually increased my dosage instead of lowering it! This is because I’ve gained so much weight – which is unusual and a very good thing! Our nutritionist said she has never seen this happen with people on my treatment plan. I had no idea they could increase my dosage, but the Lord knew and answered prayer. Thank you for praying! 
  • It is incredible the cancer spots are gone from my liver. This is phenomenal news and a result of what the Lord has done.
  • Please pray my cancer continues to decrease during the last half of my treatment!

What I am Learning: 

  • Early on in this journey, Pastor Heath encouraged me to read the book of Philippians and write out its implications for suffering. Here are eight truths for Christians about suffering from chapter 2 of Philippians. 
  1. I have the mind of Christ to become obedient even to the point of death – even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5–9).

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5–8)

  1. God the Father rewarded Jesus for his obedience to submit to the will of God to suffer and exalted him to the praise and glory of God (Philippians 2:9-11).
  2. In suffering, do not grumble or complain, so I may be innocent and blameless in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation (Philippians 2:14-15). 
  3. I can shine during suffering by holding fast to the word of life (Philippians 2:15-16). 
  4. Paul was glad to be poured out in suffering for the faith of others and rejoices in this opportunity (Philippians 2:17).  
  5. Suffering is an opportunity for the church to rejoice together (Philippians 2:18).
  6. Suffering is an opportunity to think of the interests of others (Philippians 2:21, 26). 

“For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” … “for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill.” 

  1. Recovering from suffering is a cause for joy to be restored to everyone (Philippians 2:28-30).

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • We are looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving next week. We are planning on the best Thanksgiving celebration we have ever had as a family. 
  • As we prepare, we have been putting together a “Thankful Tree” during the month of November. It is a way we can add leaves each day and seek to cultivate the habit of gratitude to God. This year our plan is to take down all the leaves on Thanksgiving Day and read them during our meal. 

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad.

Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negeb!
Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126)

Cancer is My Servant

Updates: 

  • My next infusion is on Monday, and it will mark the halfway point for my treatment plan. After next week, I have six more treatments between now and March 1st. 
  • Fatigue continues to increase with each treatment. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful that I have not missed an infusion treatment thus far! Praise the Lord! 
  • My upcoming PET scan is on November 22nd, and it will show us how effective the treatment has been. 
  • I have continued to have lingering night sweats which is a side effect of lymphoma. Please pray these go away! 

What I am Learning: 

  • Since my diagnosis, my future now includes cancer and the possibility of life or death. Yet Christ is my master, and therefore, cancer is my servant. This disease is a servant to me and makes me look more glorious than ever.  

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen…” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)

  • With each round of chemotherapy, I am a victor through Jesus. It is the Christian alone who can have cancer be his personal washbasin to sanctify him more fully. Though my skin might look pale after treatment, I am more radiant than ever before. My rash-adorned head is fitting me for a crown of splendor.
  • To say it clearly, cancer will never beat me. No matter what happens – whether in life or death – Christ will win. And it will be a landslide victory. Not because I am strong, quite the opposite! I am weaker than ever with this sickness. But in my weakness, Christ is mighty (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38] For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, [39] nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37–39)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I mentioned previously that I am memorizing the Songs of Ascent. One way I am seeking to accomplish this is by understanding the point of each Psalm. If I can recall a main theme of each, it helps me know the order of the songs. 
  • A helpful tool that is aiding me in the process is the songs produced by Poor Bishop Hooper. Below are links to each of the Songs of Ascent put to music. Perhaps their rendition isn’t your favorite style, but if you listen to their songs on repeat, you will be surprised how much it shapes your mind. May peace be upon Israel as you sing! 

Songs of Ascent (from EveryPsalm) by Poor BishopHooper

  1. Psalm 120
  2. Psalm 121
  3. Psalm 122
  4. Psalm 123
  5. Psalm 124
  6. Psalm 125
  7. Psalm 126 | see also the Passion version of this Psalm
  8. Psalm 127 | We love the Trinity Psalter version of this Psalm with every verse included
  9. Psalm 128 | see also the Trinity Psalter version
  10. Psalm 129
  11. Psalm 130
  12. Psalm 131
  13. Psalm 132
  14. Psalm 133
  15. Psalm 134

Round Five + Recommendations

Updates: 

  • I received my fifth treatment this past Monday and it was difficult. Each week is going to get tougher they say, and I believe them! 
  • My doctor has scheduled my next PET scan for November 22nd. This is the event we have been anticipating as it will show whether my treatment plan is working. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Please pray all the cancer is gone by November 22nd and the PET scan results come back clear! This would be a wonderful work of the Lord. 
  • As I anticipate my upcoming infusion treatments, pray that I would have the right frame of mind, and the Lord would strengthen my body as they put the life-saving poison through me. 

What I am Learning: 

  • People talk about the “shadow” that cancer can bring into someone’s life. It is a shadow that can loom over every day as you await results, live in between treatments, and go year after year wondering if the cancer will return. Living in the shadow of cancer is no way to live. It is not how the Christian ought to think. Instead, we can live in the shadow of his wings even when we walk through the valleys of the shadow of death. 

            He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:1–2)

     Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

  • I have been strengthened through a devotional called My Only Comfort that Jenny and I read almost every night. Here is a section from Lord’s Day 1 that is relevant for entrusting my soul and body to the Lord despite the dark shades of cancer. 

“My only comfort in life and in death is that I, with body and soul, both in life and in death, am not my own, -but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ, who with his precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that, without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head— yea, that all things must work together for my salvation; and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready henceforth to live unto him.”

What Has Been Encouraging: 

Due to my fatigue and sickness, I am not able to play with our kids like normal. So, a highlight of my day has been when we have “teatime” (often just juice or milk) and read a book together. We are trying to make our way through most of the Caldecott medal winners between now and February. For those of you with younger kids, here are ten of our current fan favorites: 

  1. Hello Lighthouse by Blackall 
  2. Madeline’s Rescue by Bemelmans
  3. Crispin’s Rainy Day by Dickison
  4. This Is Not My Hat by Klassen
  5. We Found a Hat by Klassen
  6. Read Aloud Bible Stories Volume 1 by Lindvall
  7. The Lion and The Mouse by Pinkney
  8. What Are Eyes For? By Wedgeworth 
  9. God Cares for Me by Wetherell
  10. The House in the Night by Swanson

Worse Than Cancer

Updates: 

  • I am grateful to have gotten my third treatment of chemo this week before Hurricane Milton arrived. Additionally, it is good to hear the rain while you are in bed recovering! Thankfully, we did not sustain any damage and are praying for those who have been impacted.
  • Each week I receive a chemo drug that has been nick named “The Red Devil.” This is a strong drug that must be administered by hand instead of through the normal IV machine. I have done well with the drug, but this time, it was more difficult. I was quite nauseous, and I anticipate I’m going to have to “gird up my loins” for the next round. The metal taste it produces is memorable!

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful that my treatments have not been delayed. Someone told me they were praying my treatments would “be on time, every time” for all twelve of them. This is a great prayer. 
  • Since June, I have had a swollen lymph node on my neck. It has been noticeable to medical staff, but since my chemo treatments began, it has nearly vanished! In fact, the physician assistant who examined me this past time said she could not find it. This is a good sign the chemo is working. Please pray this happens to all the lymph nodes throughout my body and where the cancer has progressed into stage four. 

What I am Learning: 

  • I have learned the greatest threat to my life is not cancer. There is something worse than cancer: sin. The worst thing cancer can do is shrivel up my body until it physically dies. Sin is far worse. Sin shrivels up the soul unto an eternal death. 

“For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:20–23

  • Jesus Christ died for me and has forgiven me of my sin. However, Christians should never downplay sin or treat it lightly. The real Satan (not the red devil) is seeking to devour all of us (1 Peter 5:8). The Scriptures repeatedly tell us to flee sin and pray for deliverance from temptation.

“Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1 Corinthians 10:12 

“Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.” Hebrews 3:12–14

  • I have made a list of areas of spiritual growth that I need the Lord to sanctify me in during my remaining treatments. That growth is more important than the growth of my cancer cells. Have you considered where you are being tempted lately? What areas of your spiritual life need to be addressed directly in these upcoming days and weeks? Don’t delay. Make a list, confess where you have fallen short, ask God’s forgiveness, believe Christ will change you through his death and resurrection, and read the Bible attentively.

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Sometimes a sentence lingers and leaves an impact. I have received encouraging text messages with memorable quotes. Here are three of them:

“The Lord permits us to feel our weakness, that we may be sensible of it; for though we are ready in words to confess that we are weak, we do not so properly know it, till that secret, though unallowed, dependence we have upon some strength in ourselves is brought to the trial, and fails us. To be humble, and, like a little child, afraid of taking a step alone, and so conscious of snares and dangers around us, as to cry to him continually to hold us up that we may be safe, is the sure, the infallible, the only secret of walking closely with him.” (John Newton)

“There is never a crook God makes in our lot, but it is in effect heaven’s offer of a blest exchange to us…God first puts out his hand, and takes away some earthly thing from us; and it is expected we put out our hand next, and take some heavenly thing from him in the stead of it, and particularly, his Christ.” (Thomas Boston, The Crook In The Lot, 48)

“Trust is not a passive state of mind, but a vigorous act of the soul, by which we choose to lay hold of the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us.” (Jerry Bridges, Trusting God, 216)

Leaving the Shire

Update: 

  • Many people have kindly asked how I am feeling after my first encounter with chemotherapy. Perhaps the best answer I can give is to say that I feel “strange” and “unpredictable”. There have been both good and rough moments with the side effects. Some days have been spent mostly in bed and others are punctuated with pockets of extreme weakness or bone pain. 
  • I believe God has answered many prayers and my symptoms have been mild compared to what others have experienced. I still would not wish chemo upon anyone unless necessary. 
  • Next week I will continue with another treatment as long as my blood cell counts are good and I am well. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My mouth sores have significantly reduced. This is a real blessing because those are quite unpleasant. Praise the Lord! 
  • Please continue to pray the treatment kills the cancer throughout my body. 
  • I have quickly learned that chemo comes with ups and downs. It really matters where you place your mind. Pray that whether I am in a low spot or a high spot – my eyes would look to Jesus afresh (Psalm 121). 

What I am Learning: 

  • The reason God does not tell us the future is because he wants us to depend completely upon him.  

“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” Ecclesiastes 7:14

  • God has sent cancer into my life for me to know him more deeply. I hate cancer, but it is a gift to expose the gaps of my faith and prompt me to seek the Lord. The most important thing is not that I would survive for another year, but that I would trust the Lord fully.

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13 

What has been Encouraging: 

  • Almost every night, Jenny and I try to watch 10-15 minutes of The Lord of the Rings trilogy while I drink my protein shake. It is a great time. If you have read the book or watched the movies, you know the location of the Shire is a place we all long to dwell. It is simple, beautiful, and seemingly sheltered from the rest of the world. The grassy hills are lush green, and the birthday parties are next level. Suffering should not be happening in the Shire. 
  • Most of my 33 years have been relatively free of physical suffering. I have certainly had trials, but nothing has been medically extreme. The cataclysmic power of cancer has forced me to leave the Shire and enter a journey that I didn’t want and wouldn’t choose. I am now on a path of suffering seeking to throw cancer into the lava of Mordor. 
  • But I am not on this path alone. I have the Lord and he has given a fellowship of friends who are on this journey with me. I alone must receive the treatments, but I don’t feel alone. I know you are praying for me. Jenny and I have felt your care and kindness. Your thoughtfulness is a true blessing from the loving hand of Christ to us. Thank you.