Tag: faith

Giving Thanks

Updates: 

  • Today was my half-way point PET scan. This scan shows the effectiveness of the treatment plan. 
  • I won’t hear the official results of the scan from my doctor until December 2nd. However, they have released preliminary results. Here are the highlights: 1) The cancerous lymph nodes are reduced in size. Some are completely gone! 2) My liver no longer has cancer on it. 3) There is activity on my bones, but the scan can’t show exactly what that is. It could be the chemo working. (Which is likely) but the doctor will have to tell me. So, in summary: It is a good report and the treatment plan is working! Praise the Lord!!

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My Sunday prayer was that this week would be the best cancer killing week to date. On Monday we waited over an hour in the lobby for my chemo infusion. This was unusual. The nurse came out and told me they had to lower the dosage of my infusion based on weight and vitals. This was disappointing news. The original plan was to blast me as hard as possible with the max dosage of chemo until my body surrendered. If my body could not handle it, then they would need to adjust the meds. It seemed my body was raising a white flag. So, when we were finally called back for treatment, I asked for an update. The nurse was incorrect. They actually increased my dosage instead of lowering it! This is because I’ve gained so much weight – which is unusual and a very good thing! Our nutritionist said she has never seen this happen with people on my treatment plan. I had no idea they could increase my dosage, but the Lord knew and answered prayer. Thank you for praying! 
  • It is incredible the cancer spots are gone from my liver. This is phenomenal news and a result of what the Lord has done.
  • Please pray my cancer continues to decrease during the last half of my treatment!

What I am Learning: 

  • Early on in this journey, Pastor Heath encouraged me to read the book of Philippians and write out its implications for suffering. Here are eight truths for Christians about suffering from chapter 2 of Philippians. 
  1. I have the mind of Christ to become obedient even to the point of death – even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5–9).

“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5–8)

  1. God the Father rewarded Jesus for his obedience to submit to the will of God to suffer and exalted him to the praise and glory of God (Philippians 2:9-11).
  2. In suffering, do not grumble or complain, so I may be innocent and blameless in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation (Philippians 2:14-15). 
  3. I can shine during suffering by holding fast to the word of life (Philippians 2:15-16). 
  4. Paul was glad to be poured out in suffering for the faith of others and rejoices in this opportunity (Philippians 2:17).  
  5. Suffering is an opportunity for the church to rejoice together (Philippians 2:18).
  6. Suffering is an opportunity to think of the interests of others (Philippians 2:21, 26). 

“For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” … “for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill.” 

  1. Recovering from suffering is a cause for joy to be restored to everyone (Philippians 2:28-30).

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • We are looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving next week. We are planning on the best Thanksgiving celebration we have ever had as a family. 
  • As we prepare, we have been putting together a “Thankful Tree” during the month of November. It is a way we can add leaves each day and seek to cultivate the habit of gratitude to God. This year our plan is to take down all the leaves on Thanksgiving Day and read them during our meal. 

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us;
we are glad.

Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negeb!
Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126)

Cancer is My Servant

Updates: 

  • My next infusion is on Monday, and it will mark the halfway point for my treatment plan. After next week, I have six more treatments between now and March 1st. 
  • Fatigue continues to increase with each treatment. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful that I have not missed an infusion treatment thus far! Praise the Lord! 
  • My upcoming PET scan is on November 22nd, and it will show us how effective the treatment has been. 
  • I have continued to have lingering night sweats which is a side effect of lymphoma. Please pray these go away! 

What I am Learning: 

  • Since my diagnosis, my future now includes cancer and the possibility of life or death. Yet Christ is my master, and therefore, cancer is my servant. This disease is a servant to me and makes me look more glorious than ever.  

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen…” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)

  • With each round of chemotherapy, I am a victor through Jesus. It is the Christian alone who can have cancer be his personal washbasin to sanctify him more fully. Though my skin might look pale after treatment, I am more radiant than ever before. My rash-adorned head is fitting me for a crown of splendor.
  • To say it clearly, cancer will never beat me. No matter what happens – whether in life or death – Christ will win. And it will be a landslide victory. Not because I am strong, quite the opposite! I am weaker than ever with this sickness. But in my weakness, Christ is mighty (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38] For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, [39] nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37–39)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I mentioned previously that I am memorizing the Songs of Ascent. One way I am seeking to accomplish this is by understanding the point of each Psalm. If I can recall a main theme of each, it helps me know the order of the songs. 
  • A helpful tool that is aiding me in the process is the songs produced by Poor Bishop Hooper. Below are links to each of the Songs of Ascent put to music. Perhaps their rendition isn’t your favorite style, but if you listen to their songs on repeat, you will be surprised how much it shapes your mind. May peace be upon Israel as you sing! 

Songs of Ascent (from EveryPsalm) by Poor BishopHooper

  1. Psalm 120
  2. Psalm 121
  3. Psalm 122
  4. Psalm 123
  5. Psalm 124
  6. Psalm 125
  7. Psalm 126 | see also the Passion version of this Psalm
  8. Psalm 127 | We love the Trinity Psalter version of this Psalm with every verse included
  9. Psalm 128 | see also the Trinity Psalter version
  10. Psalm 129
  11. Psalm 130
  12. Psalm 131
  13. Psalm 132
  14. Psalm 133
  15. Psalm 134

Round Five + Recommendations

Updates: 

  • I received my fifth treatment this past Monday and it was difficult. Each week is going to get tougher they say, and I believe them! 
  • My doctor has scheduled my next PET scan for November 22nd. This is the event we have been anticipating as it will show whether my treatment plan is working. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Please pray all the cancer is gone by November 22nd and the PET scan results come back clear! This would be a wonderful work of the Lord. 
  • As I anticipate my upcoming infusion treatments, pray that I would have the right frame of mind, and the Lord would strengthen my body as they put the life-saving poison through me. 

What I am Learning: 

  • People talk about the “shadow” that cancer can bring into someone’s life. It is a shadow that can loom over every day as you await results, live in between treatments, and go year after year wondering if the cancer will return. Living in the shadow of cancer is no way to live. It is not how the Christian ought to think. Instead, we can live in the shadow of his wings even when we walk through the valleys of the shadow of death. 

            He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:1–2)

     Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

  • I have been strengthened through a devotional called My Only Comfort that Jenny and I read almost every night. Here is a section from Lord’s Day 1 that is relevant for entrusting my soul and body to the Lord despite the dark shades of cancer. 

“My only comfort in life and in death is that I, with body and soul, both in life and in death, am not my own, -but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ, who with his precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that, without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head— yea, that all things must work together for my salvation; and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready henceforth to live unto him.”

What Has Been Encouraging: 

Due to my fatigue and sickness, I am not able to play with our kids like normal. So, a highlight of my day has been when we have “teatime” (often just juice or milk) and read a book together. We are trying to make our way through most of the Caldecott medal winners between now and February. For those of you with younger kids, here are ten of our current fan favorites: 

  1. Hello Lighthouse by Blackall 
  2. Madeline’s Rescue by Bemelmans
  3. Crispin’s Rainy Day by Dickison
  4. This Is Not My Hat by Klassen
  5. We Found a Hat by Klassen
  6. Read Aloud Bible Stories Volume 1 by Lindvall
  7. The Lion and The Mouse by Pinkney
  8. What Are Eyes For? By Wedgeworth 
  9. God Cares for Me by Wetherell
  10. The House in the Night by Swanson

15 Truths about Suffering

Updates: 

  • My chemo infusions continue to progress, and the doctor has not reduced any of the intensity of the treatments. This is good news because my body is handling the maximum dosage. 
  • However, as infusions continue, the side effects continue to compound. I am experiencing more nausea and muscle pain than previously. It feels like a Chemo Chevy ran me over on some days. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We were able to celebrate and participate in Trunk of Treats as a family. We had a total blast as a crew of First Baptist buccaneers. I was worn out for a few days afterward, but it was totally worth it. It was a record-breaking attendance this year with over 1,500 people. It was a true joy to see so many church members and guests. 

  • In addition to complete healing, I would ask that you pray for me as my body is more impacted by the side effects of the infusions. When I am in pain, I want to draw near to the Lord and use it as a means of grace in my life to experience more of His love. 

What I am Learning: 

  • Pastor Heath encouraged me to read through the book of Philippians and identify all the places Paul speaks about suffering. Here are fifteen truths about suffering from chapter 1 of Philippians. 
  1. Through my suffering, God will bring to completion His good work in me at the day of Christ Jesus (1:6). 
  2. Others are partakers with me of grace as I suffer (1:7). 
  3. Suffering happens as an opportunity to advance the gospel (1:12). 
  4. All the medical staff can know that I am a Christian through my suffering (1:13). 
  5. Others in the church will have boldness to face anxiety and death with the power of Christ through my suffering (1:14).
  6. I can rejoice in the proclamation of the gospel through my suffering even when it is at my expense (1:17-18). 
  7. The prayers of others help me endure suffering (1:19).
  8.  The Holy Spirit helps me endure suffering (1:19).
  9. Christ can be honored in my body no matter what (1:20).
  10. To live is to enjoy Christ, to die to enjoy Christ more! (1:21).
  11. Suffering helps others progress and have joy in the faith (1:25). 
  12. God gets glory when people who are suffering are restored (1:26). 
  13. Suffering is an opportunity to let my manner of life be worthy of the gospel – in which Jesus himself suffered (1:27).
  14. Suffering is an opportunity to not be frightened by anything (1:28). 
  15. Suffering is a gift from God to declare the gospel (1:28-29). 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Jenny spoke this past week at a women’s Fall Dinner that was hosted at First Baptist. She shares our journey from her perspective. She is the best wife, and I hope her talk encourages you!
  • You can listen to her talk here. 

Treats, Trust, and Scary Quotes 

Updates: 

  • My treatments are progressing, and I am starting to feel the cumulative effect of them. I feel a bit more tired and a bit more drugged from the chemo. However, there have been great moments this past week in which I have been able to work and spend time with my family. 
  • We are looking forward to making an appearance at Trunk of Treats at our church in an unexpected way. Our kids are stoked and more excited than any year because we plan on having a trunk. We hope to see you there! 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I saw my doctor on Monday after my infusion treatment, and he is encouraged about the reduction in my lymphoma symptoms. For example, months ago, I would wake up 5-6 times per night drenched in sweat (a classic sign of lymphoma). I am now experiencing 1-2 night sweats per week.
  • The biggest prayer request is for this progress to continue. We won’t know how the treatment is doing until late November, but pray the cancer is completely gone before my next PET scan. That would be miraculous! The Lord can do this! 

What I am Learning: 

  • There have been numerous books which have fed my soul since my diagnosis. Perhaps the first one I should mention is the helpful devotional by Jerry Bridges called 31 Days Toward Trusting God. This small book has provided rocks for me to step across in the midst of the flood of suffering. If you have never read it, pick up a copy and let it minister to your soul. 
  • One of the main themes of Bridge’s devotional is the sovereignty of God regardless of the situation. God really is in control. He has always been and will always be. His loving rule of the world doesn’t stop when tragedy strikes. Listen to how the Bible describes God’s reign: 

Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. (Psalm 115:3)

For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men. (Lamentations 3:31–33)

 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm 139:16)

God has numbered our days, and this is good. I can trust God’s care over my life because he has given up his only Son to die in my place. There is not a single cancer cell that is beyond his wisdom, might, and power. I am going to die exactly when God wants me to die – and not a moment sooner. While this truth might be hard to digest, it produces peace and good fruit. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • In his helpful little booklet called Don’t Waste Your Cancer, John Piper writes, “You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.” This advice is wise. After all, no matter what happens, we are all going to have to cross the river of death unless Jesus returns. Bob Russell made a similar point in a recent sermon on anxiety. Facing the worst-case scenario can be helpful when we know that God is ultimately in control. It is not enjoyable to look at death in the eyes, but it is amazing to know that we follow in the footsteps of the risen Christ who defeated death.
  • Below are some powerful quotes to help us meet death whenever it should come. I found these quotes from this set of bookmarks in honor of Reformation Day (the same day as Halloween!). 

“Death only frightens those who have their mind exclusively in this world.” -John Calvin, 1509-1564

“Resolved never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life.” -Jonathan Edwards, 1703-1758

“Live in Christ, die in Christ, and the flesh need not fear death.” -John Knox, C. 1514-1572

“I am more afraid of my own heart than of the pope and all his cardinals.” -Martin Luther, 1483-1546

“Let them fear death who do not fear sin.” -Thomas Watson, 1620-1686

“It is not a loss to die. It is a lasting perpetual gain” -Charles Spurgeon, 1834-1892

Praying Afresh

Updates: 

  • I’ve been told that chemo can have a “cumulative effect.” I’m not sure if that is what I’m experiencing this week, but my body has felt more “chemo crummy” than usual. It is hard to describe, but essentially my body feels “weary and heavy laden” at times. 
  • I will be getting another PET scan at the end of November which is my half-way point. This will give concrete results that show whether or not the chemo is effectively killing the cancer. They expect either a partial response or a complete response.

Prayer Requests and Praises

  • Please pray that when I get my PET scan in November the cancer will be completely gone. I did not realize this was a possibility until today. This is the ideal scenario.
  • My liver enzymes are elevated, and they are monitoring them. If they continue to increase, it could require a reduction in my level of chemo. Pray my liver continues to process the chemo without more difficulty.

What I am Learning: 

  • The Lord is reminding me how to pray more biblically. I have been continually meditating on the Songs of Ascent, and it is starting to shape my prayers. My goal is to memorize all the Songs (Psalms chapter 120-134) by the end of my treatments. Lord willing, my treatments will conclude by March 1st. I would love for someone to memorize them with me! Let me know if you are up for the challenge. 
  • One way the Lord is teaching me to pray is by “reasoning” with God. There are numerous times in which David offers to God reasons why God should act on his behalf. He had intense humble boldness. I have selected these three verses as examples from the helpful book Psalms for Trials by Lindsey Tollefson. 

Turn, O LORD, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise? (Psalm 6:4–5)

Lord, where is your steadfast love of old, which by your faithfulness you swore to David? Remember, O Lord, how your servants are mocked, and how I bear in my heart the insults of all the many nations, with which your enemies mock, O LORD, with which they mock the footsteps of your anointed. (Psalm 89:49–51)

For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble! (Psalm 143:11)

  • A prayer of reasoning could sound like this: “God, you are the Lord! You can demonstrate your power in a mighty way. It would be a great testimony to your glory to heal me because so many people are praying. Don’t you want to answer all their prayers? Don’t you think it would be better for me to praise you instead of going to the grave? For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!” 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • The number of children praying for me has been a delightful surprise and a source of encouragement. Several children regularly request to pray for “Pastor Sean” or “my daddy’s friend Sean.” A couple families even made me personalized drawings. One child drew a picture of me riding on top of a lion. I have never done that, but who knows what can happen after my treatments are complete! 
  • The other night before bed, I read Chandler the story about how Jesus welcomes the little children. Jesus loves kids, and he says that we should become like them when it comes to our faith. The sincerity and dependance that a child often exhibits are qualities true faith also possesses. May we all fully trust in the Christ who loved us to the point of death and rose from the dead on our behalf! 

 “But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ And he laid his hands on them and went away.” (Matthew 19:14–15)

Waiting

Updates: 

• This past week came with more challenging side effects than I anticipated. After each chemo treatment, I receive a shot that helps boost my depleted immune system. Amazingly, the shot is in a small box they strap on my arm. It is on a timer that administers the medicine right when I need it most. I am very thankful for this shot! However, it can disturb my muscles. It feels like I did an epic workout, and it makes them painful. Or as someone else said, “Your body feels like it is filled with liquid cement.” 

• My doctor told me I would receive another PET scan in late November. That PET scan is important because it will reveal how effective the treatments have (or have not) been. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

• I have carried a lingering cough since January. It got progressively worse until I could not speak publicly for very long without interruption. I want to bless the Lord and praise him because my cough is almost completely gone. I don’t even cough at night. While the doctor has not said it, I am hopeful this is a sign that the cancer in my lungs is shrinking. Please pray this is the case!

• Please also pray for Jenny who is often working double time around the house when I am in bed, unable to help, and she is tending to me.

What I am Learning: 

• The ups and downs of chemo can parallel a patient’s spiritual hills and valleys. Even with encouraging signs of progress, there is a temptation to worry while waiting. For example, I must wait until November to know if my treatments are truly being effective to remove the cancer from my bones, liver, and lungs. Each week I must wait until my bloodwork returns to know if I’m able to proceed with the next infusion. I don’t like this if I am honest. But this waiting is the means God is using to work in me. 

• God ordains circumstances in our lives that are meant to press us further into dependance upon Christ. God uses waiting to help us walk by faith. Between now and my next appointment I am called by God to submit to his plan for my life. When we are forced to wait, we will either worry or we will worship.

“I bear my witness that the worst days I have ever had have turned out to be my best days. And when God has seemed most cruel to me, he has then been most kind. If there is anything in this world for which I would bless him more than for anything else, it is for pain and affliction. I am sure that in these things the richest, tenderest love has been manifested to me. Our Father’s wagons rumble most heavily when they are bringing us the richest freight of the bullion of his grace.” Charles Spurgeon (June 26, 1881)

• Are you waiting for something? What you do in the meantime is more important than whatever it is you are anticipating. Christ lovingly wants us to wait on him by looking to him at all times. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

• I have been reading a Psalm of Ascent each day. The Songs of Ascent are Psalms 120-134. Consider the power of Psalm 123:1-3 for the suffering soul. It is a Psalm about waiting upon the Lord – desperately. Read how many times it mentions “eyes” looking for help and then notice how many times it mentions the word “mercy.” 

To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he has mercy upon us. Have mercy upon us, O LORD, have mercy upon us, for we have had more than enough of contempt. 

• As believers, we can wait on the Lord by making this Psalm our prayer. Pray something like this: “O God! We are only going to look to you! We are looking nowhere else for our help. We need you and won’t stop looking to you until you act. We don’t deserve help but know you are kind. Have mercy upon us! Have mercy upon us Lord. Have mercy upon us.”

• I have been greatly helped by the devotional books In the Lord I Take Refuge: 150 Daily Devotions through the Psalms by Dane Ortlund and Psalms by the Day: A New Devotional Translation by Alec Motyer. If you can only buy one of them, buy In the Lord I Take Refuge. If you have Ortlund’s book and want to go deeper, don’t miss Motyer’s devotional. It is unique and will instruct your soul. 

Hair, Hats, and Holiness

Updates: 

  • I have now completed 2 out of 12 chemo treatments.
  • We are now at the point in treatment in which I lose my hair. It started falling out in chunks this week. It is a rather bizarre experience, so we decided to go ahead and give my head a close shave. The next time you see me you might not recognize me, or you will likely find me in a hat! 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My symptoms have been more mild than last week (fewer mouth sores, more energy, etc.). This is a direct answer to prayer. Thank you! 
  • I was previously losing weight, but now I’m gaining weight. This is a real blessing and gift from the Lord! 
  • Please pray that all my treatments are on time and not delayed by any sickness in the coming weeks. 

What I am Learning: 

  • I have been struck by how God uses suffering to teach Christians the most important truths. God is refining me through this process to seek him instead of being “too busy” to ignore him.

“Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.” (Psalm 119:67–68).

  • Facing the darkness that comes with cancer has shone a light on how many pitiful excuses I had for neglecting unhurried time with the Lord. What really matters most in this life? It is knowing God and communing with him. 

“We must learn to measure ourselves not by our knowledge about God, not by our gifts and responsibilities in the church, but by how we pray and what goes on in our hearts. Many of us, I suspect, have no idea how impoverished we are at this level. Let us ask the Lord to show us.” (Knowing God, JI Packer, 23)

  • You might not have cancer, but I would ask you to consider your own schedule and priorities. Do you spend time seeking the Lord in prayer and by reading the Bible? Or is there always something that is more important? Cancer is a good reminder that nothing is more important than holiness.

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • This might sound strange, but I have been encouraged by purchasing new hats. Since my hair is now going through a bit of a rough transformation, I have decided to embrace the hat life for the next few months. I’ll indulge myself by telling you about two of my favorites picks: 
  • I picked out a Joshua Tree hat, which is a National Park in California. The Perrons have a family goal to visit as many national parks as possible before our kids graduate. This park is on our list, and I like being reminded that we will be able to visit it one day after I’m cleared for travel. The trees in the park are called Joshua Trees because they look as if they are lifting their hands up to God in prayer. 
  • I also have a navy hat with a skeleton holding up a lantern. It reads “Post tenebras lux.” That is Latin for “After Darkness, Light.” This was a reoccurring motto of the Protestant Reformation. The Catholic church had suppressed the Scripture for many years until God worked through reformers like Tyndale, Luther, and Calvin. An explosion of revival took place as the true good news of salvation through Jesus spread far and wide. We are saved by grace, not by our good deeds (Ephesians 2:8-9)!
  • Post tenebras lux is paradigmatic of how God works in the world. There is dark before the dawn. But God is light and no darkness can overpower him. 

“All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:3–5

Leaving the Shire

Update: 

  • Many people have kindly asked how I am feeling after my first encounter with chemotherapy. Perhaps the best answer I can give is to say that I feel “strange” and “unpredictable”. There have been both good and rough moments with the side effects. Some days have been spent mostly in bed and others are punctuated with pockets of extreme weakness or bone pain. 
  • I believe God has answered many prayers and my symptoms have been mild compared to what others have experienced. I still would not wish chemo upon anyone unless necessary. 
  • Next week I will continue with another treatment as long as my blood cell counts are good and I am well. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My mouth sores have significantly reduced. This is a real blessing because those are quite unpleasant. Praise the Lord! 
  • Please continue to pray the treatment kills the cancer throughout my body. 
  • I have quickly learned that chemo comes with ups and downs. It really matters where you place your mind. Pray that whether I am in a low spot or a high spot – my eyes would look to Jesus afresh (Psalm 121). 

What I am Learning: 

  • The reason God does not tell us the future is because he wants us to depend completely upon him.  

“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” Ecclesiastes 7:14

  • God has sent cancer into my life for me to know him more deeply. I hate cancer, but it is a gift to expose the gaps of my faith and prompt me to seek the Lord. The most important thing is not that I would survive for another year, but that I would trust the Lord fully.

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13 

What has been Encouraging: 

  • Almost every night, Jenny and I try to watch 10-15 minutes of The Lord of the Rings trilogy while I drink my protein shake. It is a great time. If you have read the book or watched the movies, you know the location of the Shire is a place we all long to dwell. It is simple, beautiful, and seemingly sheltered from the rest of the world. The grassy hills are lush green, and the birthday parties are next level. Suffering should not be happening in the Shire. 
  • Most of my 33 years have been relatively free of physical suffering. I have certainly had trials, but nothing has been medically extreme. The cataclysmic power of cancer has forced me to leave the Shire and enter a journey that I didn’t want and wouldn’t choose. I am now on a path of suffering seeking to throw cancer into the lava of Mordor. 
  • But I am not on this path alone. I have the Lord and he has given a fellowship of friends who are on this journey with me. I alone must receive the treatments, but I don’t feel alone. I know you are praying for me. Jenny and I have felt your care and kindness. Your thoughtfulness is a true blessing from the loving hand of Christ to us. Thank you. 

The Christian Doubter: An Arsenal of Songs

by Spencer Harmon
by Spencer Harmon

“By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life” Psalm 42:7

One of the difficult aspects of Christian doubt is reminding yourself of the truth in a moment of paralyzing uncertainty. You know the moment, don’t you? The one where all the Scripture you knew leaves your mind like mist in the morning sun; your trusted friend isn’t around and you’re more alone than you care to admit; you’re trying to pray, but you don’t know how to articulate the struggle in your soul. When things are black as night, what resources has God given us to illuminate the path?

In Psalm 42 David is in deep despair. He crying all the time (v. 3), he’s surrounded by those who reinforce doubt (v. 3), his experiences of God are only memories (v. 4), he’s cast down and in turmoil (v. 5), and feels like he’s drowning (v.7). These are the lowest depths in the deepest valley with no light. And it is here that he tells of a weapon against the darkness: a song.

Songs are shelters in the tempest – a lighthouse in the hurricane. Often times a fortification of hope is built around our fainting hearts by the sturdy truth of hymns, songs or poems. David seems to find great comfort in a song in his dark night of the soul. Interestingly enough, he views this song as a “prayer” Biblical songs are deep reservoirs of prayers for the speechless saint struggling for faith. Here are a few examples of prayers or encouragements found in hymns that the Holy Spirit has used to anchor my soul:

“Jesus, Jesus, how I trust You!
How I’ve proved You o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust You more!”

-Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus

“Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.”

-Rock of Ages Cleft for Me

“When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see You there
Who made an end of all my sin”

-Before The Throne of God Above

“AH, my dear angry Lord,
Since Thou dost love, yet strike;
Cast down, yet help afford;
Sure I will do the like.

I will complain, yet praise;
I will bewail, approve:
And all my sour-sweet days
I will lament, and love.”

-Bitter-Sweet, George Herbert

“How long wilt Thou conceal Thy face?

My God, how long delay?

When shall I feel those heav’nly rays

That chase my fears away?



How long shall my poor laboring soul

Wrestle and toil in vain?

Thy word can all my foes control

And ease my raging pain.”

-How Long Wilt Thou Conceal Thy Face?

These small snippets are ammunition in the trenches as we wait for God; they are an arsenal of words for your stammering tongue. They are a song to keep you through the night. When Israel faced their opponents, often times they faced the bewilderment of their plight with songs of God’s steadfast love (see 2 Chronicles 20:20-30). Let it be so for you. Learn some songs, and sing them with mustard seed faith through the dark.