Dear Young Engaged Man,
I was reading in Colossians 3 and verse 9, stuck out to me. Paul specifically warns us “not to be harsh with our wives.” This means that Paul noticed men have a tendency to be gruff.
What is the opposite of harshness? Gentleness
Do not fall into the self righteous pit of “Well, she is just so sensitive and anything I say will hurt her feelings.” I’ve found that when a guy says this, it is really because he doesn’t want to work at adjusting his tone or bridling his tongue. It’s easier to pass the blame than to pick up a bloody cross. In fact, some guys justify their gruffness by thinking they are helping their wives not be as sensitive. The Bible does not permit this.
“The fruit of the Spirit is…. gentleness.” (Galatians 5:23)
“If anyone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness.” (Galatians 6:1)
“Correct your opponents with a spirit of gentleness.” (1 Timothy 2:5)
If we are to correct our opponents with gentleness, certainly our wives should receive double grace!
Harshness closes the door of a woman’s heart. It can clog the channel of communication and that is a prime place for bitterness to fester. When we are gentle, our wives will want to share their lives with us. Gentleness is winsome. Gentleness is supernatural. Gentleness is godly. Gentleness is a gift to your spouse.
How can we be gentle? It starts by going deep into the gospel. Jesus did not throw us roughly into the cage of salvation. Instead he pursued us with his loving kindness and like a shepherd lead us into freedom.
If we are prone to harshness then we want to catch this on the front end. Let us be overwhelmed by the gentle grace of God.
Let us be gentlemen.