Tag: hope

Cancer is My Servant

Updates: 

  • My next infusion is on Monday, and it will mark the halfway point for my treatment plan. After next week, I have six more treatments between now and March 1st. 
  • Fatigue continues to increase with each treatment. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am thankful that I have not missed an infusion treatment thus far! Praise the Lord! 
  • My upcoming PET scan is on November 22nd, and it will show us how effective the treatment has been. 
  • I have continued to have lingering night sweats which is a side effect of lymphoma. Please pray these go away! 

What I am Learning: 

  • Since my diagnosis, my future now includes cancer and the possibility of life or death. Yet Christ is my master, and therefore, cancer is my servant. This disease is a servant to me and makes me look more glorious than ever.  

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen…” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)

  • With each round of chemotherapy, I am a victor through Jesus. It is the Christian alone who can have cancer be his personal washbasin to sanctify him more fully. Though my skin might look pale after treatment, I am more radiant than ever before. My rash-adorned head is fitting me for a crown of splendor.
  • To say it clearly, cancer will never beat me. No matter what happens – whether in life or death – Christ will win. And it will be a landslide victory. Not because I am strong, quite the opposite! I am weaker than ever with this sickness. But in my weakness, Christ is mighty (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38] For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, [39] nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37–39)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • I mentioned previously that I am memorizing the Songs of Ascent. One way I am seeking to accomplish this is by understanding the point of each Psalm. If I can recall a main theme of each, it helps me know the order of the songs. 
  • A helpful tool that is aiding me in the process is the songs produced by Poor Bishop Hooper. Below are links to each of the Songs of Ascent put to music. Perhaps their rendition isn’t your favorite style, but if you listen to their songs on repeat, you will be surprised how much it shapes your mind. May peace be upon Israel as you sing! 

Songs of Ascent (from EveryPsalm) by Poor BishopHooper

  1. Psalm 120
  2. Psalm 121
  3. Psalm 122
  4. Psalm 123
  5. Psalm 124
  6. Psalm 125
  7. Psalm 126 | see also the Passion version of this Psalm
  8. Psalm 127 | We love the Trinity Psalter version of this Psalm with every verse included
  9. Psalm 128 | see also the Trinity Psalter version
  10. Psalm 129
  11. Psalm 130
  12. Psalm 131
  13. Psalm 132
  14. Psalm 133
  15. Psalm 134

Leaving the Shire

Update: 

  • Many people have kindly asked how I am feeling after my first encounter with chemotherapy. Perhaps the best answer I can give is to say that I feel “strange” and “unpredictable”. There have been both good and rough moments with the side effects. Some days have been spent mostly in bed and others are punctuated with pockets of extreme weakness or bone pain. 
  • I believe God has answered many prayers and my symptoms have been mild compared to what others have experienced. I still would not wish chemo upon anyone unless necessary. 
  • Next week I will continue with another treatment as long as my blood cell counts are good and I am well. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My mouth sores have significantly reduced. This is a real blessing because those are quite unpleasant. Praise the Lord! 
  • Please continue to pray the treatment kills the cancer throughout my body. 
  • I have quickly learned that chemo comes with ups and downs. It really matters where you place your mind. Pray that whether I am in a low spot or a high spot – my eyes would look to Jesus afresh (Psalm 121). 

What I am Learning: 

  • The reason God does not tell us the future is because he wants us to depend completely upon him.  

“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” Ecclesiastes 7:14

  • God has sent cancer into my life for me to know him more deeply. I hate cancer, but it is a gift to expose the gaps of my faith and prompt me to seek the Lord. The most important thing is not that I would survive for another year, but that I would trust the Lord fully.

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13 

What has been Encouraging: 

  • Almost every night, Jenny and I try to watch 10-15 minutes of The Lord of the Rings trilogy while I drink my protein shake. It is a great time. If you have read the book or watched the movies, you know the location of the Shire is a place we all long to dwell. It is simple, beautiful, and seemingly sheltered from the rest of the world. The grassy hills are lush green, and the birthday parties are next level. Suffering should not be happening in the Shire. 
  • Most of my 33 years have been relatively free of physical suffering. I have certainly had trials, but nothing has been medically extreme. The cataclysmic power of cancer has forced me to leave the Shire and enter a journey that I didn’t want and wouldn’t choose. I am now on a path of suffering seeking to throw cancer into the lava of Mordor. 
  • But I am not on this path alone. I have the Lord and he has given a fellowship of friends who are on this journey with me. I alone must receive the treatments, but I don’t feel alone. I know you are praying for me. Jenny and I have felt your care and kindness. Your thoughtfulness is a true blessing from the loving hand of Christ to us. Thank you.