Tag: Jesus

Weakness and Winning the Lottery

Updates

  • Since my last blog, much has transpired. I received high-intensity chemo (Boy! They were not kidding. I didn’t realize fully how intense it would be!) and a stem-cell transplant. During the transplant, my vital signs plummeted; my body went into septic shock and I developed double pneumonia.
  • I was in the ICU for four days and have been slowly regaining my strength since then. I can now walk about 500 feet before becoming completely winded. I’ve never felt weaker in my entire life, but each day I grow a bit stronger.
  • I’m grateful to be able to type this without pain, as I previously experienced intense chemo burns on my hands from the treatment.

Prayer Requests and Praises

  • One of my nurses told me I should “buy a lottery ticket” when I recover, because I’m so lucky to be alive. I have no plans to gamble, but I praise God for sustaining my life. I was disoriented during the worst of it and didn’t fully grasp the gravity of my situation, yet God preserved me even when I didn’t realize how much danger I was in.
  • I am still very weak. Yesterday I walked with physical therapy and afterward was too exhausted to eat dinner, even though I wanted to so badly. Please pray that God would strengthen me each day.

Blessed is the one who considers the poor!
In the day of trouble the LORD delivers him;
the LORD protects him and keeps him alive;
he is called blessed in the land;
you do not give him up to the will of his enemies.
The LORD sustains him on his sickbed;
in his illness you restore him to full health. (Psalm 41:1–3)

What I Am Learning

I couldn’t use my hands because of the pain, and I couldn’t eat due to mouth sores from the chemo. I couldn’t walk or use the restroom on my own. I needed help in every way—and I still need constant assistance as I work to regain my strength. This is a time when I am utterly dependent physically.

In these moments, I must call upon the Lord for help and strength. It’s a strange and disconcerting feeling to want to do something but be physically unable. To desire food but not have the strength to eat is difficult. But even though my body is weak, the Lord remains the same. He is still lovely. He has not left me. This is a time to call upon Him afresh.

“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
— Psalm 46:10–11

What Has Been Encouraging

  • Jenny and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on May 12th. I joked with the ICU staff that I had booked the most expensive hotel possible to celebrate our anniversary.It’s hard to express how essential Jenny has been to my healing process. She has read me the Psalms when I’ve been afraid, advocated for me when I could not speak, and even cleared massive amounts of mucus from my throat when I was choking in the middle of the night. She has cared for me consistently, kindly, and with complete devotion.
  • She has been my companion in sickness and in health. You could say I won the lottery, but it would be a lie. The Lord has shown me immense favor. I love her so much. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing,” but he who found Jenny did even better! Praise the Lord! (Proverbs 18:22)

Chemo, Catholics, and Charles Spurgeon

Updates:

  • I’m in the middle of “high-intensity chemo,” with four more days left before the official “Day 0” of transplant. I’m learning so much about the medical world!
  • I’m on a floor unit with Jenny, who is allowed to come and go as needed (with certain restrictions).

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I have never received so many drugs in my life! Please pray that these chemo drugs will kill any remaining microscopic cancer cells.
  • I’m viewing this transplant as a time of spiritual renewal and a deeper commitment to my family. I would love your prayers for me to draw closer to both during this month of isolation.
  • This transplant is a gift from the Lord. I’m very thankful to be here and am praising God for His kindness to me.

What I Am Learning:

  • I have shared the gospel more in the past few days than I think I have in a while. Numerous opportunities have arisen with the various medical staff rotating to care for me. There’s an atmosphere here at the cancer center of wanting to do good works and a sensitivity to those fighting for their lives.
  • I’ve met numerous Catholics and spoken with them about their perspectives on salvation and the passing of Pope Francis. It’s been a delightful time of conversation! Here’s a snippet from one exchange with a wonderful lady who has worked at the hospital for four decades and tends a beautiful garden every day:

Sean: I like your pin on your shirt. Are you Catholic?
Nurse: Yes. Thank you.
Sean: What do you think about the Pope passing away?
Nurse: I am sad, but he was old, and it was time.
Sean: I’m sorry. Yes, we will all have to face death. I’m trying to live right now, but I will eventually die.
Nurse: Yes. You must try, but we all will.
Sean: Can I ask you a question? Where do you think you will go when you die? Will you go to heaven?
Nurse: No one is perfect. I am trying to be a good person. I’m doing the best I can. I think I will make it. What about you?
Sean: You’re right that no one is perfect. And I’ve thought a lot about this question. I believe I will be going to heaven — even though I have sinned — because the way to heaven is by trusting in the work of Jesus on the cross, not by trusting in our good works. Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sins, and He rose from the dead. Good works are important, but they cannot save us.

  • I could recount many more pleasant exchanges that have happened while these kind people take my blood, change my chemo IVs, or bring me water. Please pray for many more gospel conversations that point people to the only lasting hope in the world.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:8–10)

What Has Been Encouraging:

“Mental health” is a topic of conversation around the unit floor due to the difficulty isolation and cancer can bring. Each day, Jenny and I read from Charles Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening devotional, and the content has been extraordinary — much better than anything Maslow ever wrote! Here are some of the quotes so far:

“Divine omniscience provides no comfort to the ungodly mind, but to the child of God it overflows with consolation. God is always thinking about us, never turns His mind from us, always has us before His eyes.”

“No man can enter into the full meaning of these words. Some of us think at times that we could cry, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ There are seasons when the brightness of our Father’s smile is eclipsed by clouds and darkness.”

“Beloved, the wounds of Jesus are fairer in our eyes than all the splendor and pomp of kings.”

“Believer, rest assured that the heart of Jesus cares about your smallest concerns. The breadth of His tender love is such that you may turn to Him in every case; for in all your afflictions He is afflicted, and just like a father cares for his children, so He cares for you.”

“Child of God, death has lost its sting, because the devil’s power over it is destroyed. Stop fearing death! Ask God the Holy Spirit to grant you an intimate knowledge and a firm belief in your Redeemer’s death, so that you may be strengthened for that journey.”

“Whatever your especial need may be, you may readily find some promise in the Bible suited to it. Are you faint and feeble because your way is rough and you are weary? Here is the promise — ‘He giveth power to the faint.’ When you read such a promise, take it back to the great Promiser, and ask Him to fulfill His own word.”

“The Stars Have Aligned”

Updates

  • I reached the stem cell collection goal and have been cleared for transplant to start next week!
  • I have been released from the hospital after experiencing a serious allergic reaction during a minor surgery.
  • Chemo has started, and “high-intensity chemo” begins on Wednesday of next week.

Prayer Requests and Praises

  • This week was a wild one for us. My stem cell collection was proceeding slower than anticipated due to allergic reactions to a particular shot used to stimulate white blood cells. My goal was “5 million cells” (which is actually five million per kilogram I weigh, totaling over 300,000,000 cells), and I was lagging. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big problem, but the doctor told me it would delay my transplant start date by seven days. This was concerning because my cancer is so aggressive that even a week’s delay could allow the cancer cells more time to fester and grow. Neither we nor my doctor wanted that to happen.
  • A real answer to prayer occurred on Thursday when the doctor signed off for me to proceed. He said I would meet the necessary cell collection goal by the end of the day. This means the high-intensity chemo won’t be delayed! Appointments were immediately lined up for surgery to remove my stem cell collection device and replace it with the high-intensity chemo catheter.

The exact words we were told: “Multiple stars had to align for you to get that, and it just happened.”
Praise the Lord! As many of you have pointed out, it wasn’t the stars, but rather the Creator who made the stars — not random chance, but divine providence.

  • Things are now moving quickly, and I have begun chemotherapy treatment. Please pray for no more allergic reactions and for minimal (or no!) side effects.

What I Am Learning

  • The same day I received the great news about reaching the cell collection goal, I later experienced an intense allergic reaction during a minor surgery. They believe it was likely due to the numbing medication given at the start of the procedure. My breathing became difficult, and I was experiencing chest discomfort — all while my whole body turned as red as a hot pepper. I was awake during the procedure (under a very hot blue tarp!) and was quickly rushed to the ER and stabilized.
  • I am thankful to God that He preserved my life and gave me clarity of mind during the procedure to communicate with the many doctors and nurses working to help me. I admit I was becoming anxious during this ordeal but thought about Philippians 4:8-9. That passage speaks about dwelling on things that are good, lovely, right, and true. I thought about the key people God has placed in my life to care for me — Jenny, my parents, my kids, and individuals from First Baptist Church. I thought about deacons and staff members I work with who have shown us the love of Christ in extraordinary ways. God has truly blessed me and my family with great Christian fellowship that continues to sustain me even in urgent situations.


“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise — think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8–9)

I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me. (Psalm 30:1–2)

What Has Been Encouraging

  • I have repeatedly thought about my family this week. In this blog, I want to highlight the constant love and support from my mom and dad. Our original plan was to spend the weeks in Houston leading up to transplant with our children, and then have my parents take over during my isolation period. That plan changed. My entire life I had never had any allergic reactions, but they began during my immunotherapy treatments back in March. Due to these allergic reactions, it became necessary for me to spend the past two weeks on campus at the hospital. My parents were thrown into 24/7 babysitting — and they rose to the occasion. They took care of me growing up, and now they are taking care of me through cancer by taking care of our kids.
  • Below is one of my new favorite pictures. It shows my whole family visiting me while I’ve been restricted to the hospital campus. They are leaving the property holding hands, and I am so grateful for their tireless effort to support me during this trial!

Houston, We Have a Problem and Providence

Updates:

  • We have arrived in Houston!
  • I am currently hospitalized at MD Anderson due to unpredictable, severe allergic reactions. There are five different medications in my system that could be causing these episodes, and I am being closely monitored until further notice.
  • My next PET scan is scheduled for Monday, April 14th. It will show whether or not I am ready for transplant.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I was surprised at the airport by dear friends from church who held up signs and cheered for our family as we departed for Houston. Meanwhile, other church members drove our vehicles to Texas, filled with our belongings. These are just two of the many ways God has used His church to make this trip possible and bless us. We are so thankful.
  • The allergic reactions I’m experiencing are growing in intensity and severity. Please pray that they cease. The doctors are perplexed and uncertain which medication is causing them—all five can cause such reactions in a small number of patients. I am stable under their care, but please pray for wisdom and clarity.
  • Next week is a pivotal one. It will determine the course of my treatment plan for the next few months. Please pray that the cancer in my lung is gone and that I’m ready for transplant.

What I Am Learning:

  • The night before our trip, I had a reaction that caused us to stay overnight on the campus of Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL. In God’s kindness, I was still able to travel the next day. We landed in Houston, but things took a more intense turn. Within five minutes of arriving at our rental property, I broke out in hives and blacked out. Jenny found me on the bathroom floor in a state of emergency. I was taken by ambulance to MD Anderson, where I am being monitored.
  • I’m confident that God wanted me to get to Houston, and I believe He protected me on the flight. I’m so thankful that I didn’t have an episode on the plane and arrived safely. The doctors here are incredible, and I’ve already seen several specialists during my weekend in the hospital. God’s providential hand has sustained me—even through this difficult experience. Praise the Lord!
  • Have you considered God’s hand of providence in your own life? In what ways has God shown you surprising kindness through the details of your journey? If you haven’t done so in a while, take a moment to reflect on the good God has provided. He cares for His children even in the midst of hardship. His providence brings Him glory and calls us to see our continued need for His help. What are the ways He has provided for you today?

“When God has written His name on you, suffering qualitatively changes. Pain, loss, and weakness are no longer the end of the world and the death of your hopes.”— David Powlison, God’s Grace in Your Suffering, p. 36

Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!
Be their shepherd and carry them forever. (Psalm 28:9)

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • I can’t imagine this journey without the church. First Baptist has shown incredible kindness to my family and has made it possible for me to receive life-saving care.
  • We’ve received so many notes, cards, texts, and porch drop-offs that have blessed our whole family in the lead-up to this trip. For example, the plane ride with our kids was smooth and easy thanks to thoughtful gifts from church members that kept them occupied. The level of care and detail has been overwhelming in the best way.
  • While we already miss First Baptist and our home, we feel deeply loved. From our entire family: thank you—we are so grateful!

A Small and Passing Thing

Updates:

  • I had another round of chemo this week here in Jacksonville. The goal of this treatment is to eliminate the mass on my lung.
  • We are starting to pack as we prepare to leave for Texas.
  • My next PET scan is scheduled for April 15th.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We are temporarily moving to Texas because I need a bone marrow transplant. However, it is crucial that the mass on my lung is gone before the transplant. The doctors will not proceed until it is eliminated, as the outcomes for patients with active disease are poor. Please pray that the chemo I am currently on will completely reduce the mass. We need to move to Texas regardless of the results of the upcoming PET scan because if my mass does not shrink completely, I will need a new array of treatment options.
  • One of our kids came down with strep throat this week but is doing better. In God’s kindness, I was spared from sickness! Please pray that I continue to avoid illness, as any sickness could delay my chemo.
  • There are many moving parts as we prepare for this transition. Please pray for our whole family as we embark on this new journey. The kids are excited—they can’t wait to see “a real cowboy!”

A Conversation on Hope During Medical Challenges

This week, Pastor Heath and I had a conversation about finding hope during difficult medical challenges. Here are several of the questions from the video:

  • What have been some of the most difficult or discouraging moments?
  • What has encouraged you along the way?
  • Have you ever doubted God’s love or goodness during this journey?
  • What would you say to someone who sees your suffering and struggles to understand?
  • Is there a passage of Scripture that has been especially meaningful to you during this time?
  • How can someone who is currently healthy prepare for future illness or suffering?

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • With a busy schedule and small children, finding time to read can be difficult! I typically read in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep due to steroids and chemo. It has taken me seven months, but I finally finished The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
  • Throughout the book, certain moments resonated with me deeply. One particularly powerful scene occurs when Sam and Frodo are on the final leg of their journey, approaching Mt. Doom. They are exhausted, thirsty, and desperate for sleep. Pushed to their limits, they crawl under a bush to rest while orcs lurk nearby. Sam takes the first watch as Frodo sleeps. Then, this moment unfolds:

“Then at last, to keep himself awake, [Sam] crawled from the hiding-place and looked out. The land seemed full of creaking and cracking and sly noises, but there was no sound of voice or of foot. Far above the Ephel Dúath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale. There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”
(The Lord of the Rings: One Volume, p. 922, emphasis mine)

  • In that moment of great hardship, Sam looked up and saw a star piercing through the darkness. It reminded him that “in the end, the Shadow was only a small and passing thing.” For the Christian, this is true of all suffering. Grief, sorrow, and sadness are temporary, and Christ will be victorious in the end. In the gospel, there is “light and high beauty” forever.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)

Houston, Here We Come

Updates:

• Jenny and I flew to Houston this week and met with the bone marrow transplant team at MD Anderson Cancer Center.
• The trip was clarifying and has determined the next few months of medical treatment for me. The doctors reiterated how aggressive my cancer is and emphasized the need for a high-intensity treatment plan. We will be making plans to travel to Texas when the time comes for me to get the transplant.
• I will proceed with another cycle of chemotherapy this upcoming week, and it is critical that it reduces the mass in my lung to prepare for the transplant.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

• Jenny and I are so thankful for the trip to Houston and the clarity it brought. I felt the Lord’s care in a tangible way, unlike anything I’ve experienced since my diagnosis. I still don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that God is with us.
• Please pray that this new round of chemotherapy is successful and that the mass is completely reduced. For the transplant to proceed, the mass must be eradicated.

What I Am Learning:


• The Bible tells us to pray when we are suffering and when we are sick:

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.” (James 5:13)


• One reason to pray in times of suffering is that God hears and understands our groaning. Regardless of how we feel, God is interested in our pain. He cares about our troubles and wants us to seek Him for help. God heard the groaning of the people of Israel when they were in slavery. He had compassion on them and responded to their cries.

Give ear to my words, O LORD; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. (Psalm 5:1–3) 


• God heard David’s cries repeatedly throughout his life, as he fled from his enemies and hid in caves. God heard the groaning of Jesus on the cross and vindicated Him. It is good and right for us to pray with David, saying, “God, give me your ear.” “Lord, lean down close and listen to my plight.” “Jesus, please pay attention to the misery I’m experiencing. I need You.” No matter what trial you’re facing, “in the morning,” God will hear your voice. Watch and pray.

What Has Been Encouraging:

• The caring sovereignty of God has been encouraging. My story is different from the astronauts aboard the International Space Station, but the words of Butch Wilmore ring true for my circumstances. If you haven’t heard his explanation of trusting God even when bad things happen, you should watch the video below. He cites Hebrews 11, which recounts the faith-filled heroes of the Old Testament. Some of their stories have good endings… and some do not. Regardless, God was working powerfully in their lives. Be encouraged and take a few minutes to watch Heath Lambert explain the astronaut landing in “The Biggest Story of the Week.” You can watch it here.

[32] And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets—[33] who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, [34] quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. [35] Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. [36] Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. [37] They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated—[38] of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth. (Hebrews 11:32–38; note the shift from “good” outcomes to “bad” ones in verse 35)

Medicine, False Hope, and God’s Protection

Updates:

  • I have now had two weeks of back-to-back chemo! I am fatigued, but that is to be expected.
  • My new chemo plan includes an immunotherapy drug, which I have never had before. This immunotherapy treatment is a newer type of therapy that has proven effective in recent years when combined with chemo.
  • I will continue my treatment plan for four more weeks and then receive a PET scan to track my progress.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Next week, I begin discussions with my transplant doctors and their teams. Please pray for wisdom for everyone involved, as this is a new frontier for us.
  • I have been gaining weight this week, which is a big praise! I need to gain as much weight as possible for the transplant. It is often difficult to eat while on chemo, but I have had several good eating days.
  • Please pray that this new chemo is successful and that my mass is completely reduced.

What I Am Learning:

  • I am meeting lots of different people on this journey. I spoke with a lady this past week at the hospital who told me about her husband’s cancer journey. Her husband has stage four kidney cancer, and she has been an oncology nurse for many years. She explained how she had great hope because of the newer immunotherapy treatments available. She is placing her faith in medicine. However, her husband’s cancer is still not responding well to the treatment.
  • I am thankful for modern medicine, but it is a terrible object for our hope. There have been many medical advances in the cancer world, but placing our trust in a treatment plan is a false refuge. It is like trusting a house built on sand. It can and will ultimately disappoint.
  • Our hope and faith must be placed in the one who controls every molecule in the universe. Jesus holds the world together by the word of His power. He alone decides who is cured and who is not. When it comes to sickness, we should use and be thankful for the common grace of God in the gift of modern medicine. However, we must remember that if we are healed, it is exclusively because of the Lord.

See now that I, even I, am he,
and there is no god beside me;
I kill and I make alive;
I wound and I heal;
and there is none that can deliver out of my hand. (Deuteronomy 32:39)

“If it had not been the LORD who was on our side—let Israel now say—if it had not been the LORD who was on our side when people rose up against us, then they would have swallowed us up alive, when their anger was kindled against us; then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us; then over us would have gone the raging waters.” (Psalm 124:1–5)

“And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent.” (Colossians 1:17–18)

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Psalm 91 has been encouraging.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” (Psalm 91:1–2)

  • But how can God say that He will protect me from pestilence (Psalm 91:3, 6) when it is clear that I have a serious disease? Pastor Spencer, in his sermon last Sunday at First Baptist, answers this question. Psalm 91 doesn’t promise health, wealth, and prosperity for the believer. It promises that no sickness, pain, or suffering will come apart from God’s intentional plan.
  • Psalm 91 was true for Jesus when He went through His great suffering dying for the sins of the world, and it is true for the Christian who also experiences various trials. It is only the believer in Jesus who can say confidently that all pain comes through the loving hands of God, who is working for the Christian’s ultimate good. God always protects His children in the way that is best.
  • You can watch the whole sermon on Psalm 91 from Pastor Spencer [here].

Pouring Out Our Hearts

Updates:

  • This week, I began my new regimen of chemotherapy. The goal of this treatment is to bring me into remission, preparing me for a bone marrow transplant (also known as a stem cell transplant).
  • I will be on this new chemotherapy plan for the next six weeks, followed by a PET scan. The results of this scan will show my current status and determine whether I’m ready for the transplant.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Please pray that this new chemotherapy is successful and that my mass is completely reduced.
  • Please pray for my family to have perseverance, as they are working extra hard to care for me.
  • New doctors are still analyzing my situation. Please pray that the Lord will give both them and us wisdom.

What I am Learning:

  • As we’ve spoken with several specialists, they’ve stressed the “aggressive” nature of my cancer. This explains why my annual physical in 2023 was perfect, yet within just one year, the cancer spread throughout my body. Jenny and I both recognize the hand of the Lord in my life, given these unexpected circumstances. The Lord has surprised us by allowing this cancer to progress so rapidly. It came fast, spread quickly, and has been stubborn. This situation serves as a reminder that we never know what the future holds—only the Lord knows. We must always walk with Him and draw near to Him when life’s trials come upon us. I have recorded a brief video explaining more of my thoughts on this, which you can watch below.
https://twitter.com/seanperron/status/1898541905589235942

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Since August, the Psalms have been a great source of life for me. I recently read a blog post about how the famous preacher Charles Spurgeon viewed prayer, based on Psalm 62:8: “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.”
  • I knew that prayer is about pouring out our hearts to God, but the way Spurgeon described this action struck me. He writes:

“Pour [your heart] out as water. Not as milk, whose color remains. Not as wine, whose savor remains. Not as honey, whose taste remains. But as water, of which, when it is poured out, nothing remains. So let sin be poured out of the heart, that no color of it may remain in external marks, no savor in our words, no taste in our affections.”

  • God already knows what is in our hearts, and He loves it when we pour it out completely before His throne. He wants us to bring all our fears, hopes, dreams, desires, and requests to Him. Don’t let anything remain in your heart. Pouring out water might seem “messy” to some, but the Lord loves it when we empty ourselves in faith before Him. Are you going through a trial? Pour out your heart to God like water, not like milk. Give it all to Him. If you want to read more about this passage, the blog is titled Praying Psalm 62 with Charles Spurgeon, and you can read it here.

Recovering at Home

Updates: 

  • This past week I had an “open lung biopsy” to remove tissue from a mass that is growing on my lung. The surgery was very successful.
  • The surgeon was able to get enough tissue for a good biopsy. My doctor will review results with me next week. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I am recovering better than expected! I have a lot of breathing exercises to do, but they were able to dismiss me earlier than originally anticipated! Praise the Lord! 
  • I am thankful to God that this surgery was successful and the tissue collected was adequate. 
  • Please pray for me as I recover that I will not get an infection, that my strength will return, and that I will get the necessary treatment following this biopsy. 

What I am Learning: 

  • The love of God for me doesn’t change based upon circumstances. His faithfulness remains consistent no matter what the day brings. A church member sent me some verses from Psalm 139, and they been incredibly encouraging. I have thought about it a great deal. 
  • God hems me in all the days of my life. He goes before me into surgery. He loves me regardless of what the biopsy results reveal. He has laid his hand upon me regardless of any outcome. 

         Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. (Psalm 139:4–6)

  • These thoughts are comforting for the Christian. But only the Christian can find peace in them. The peace of God can only be obtained by faith. Do you know peace that isn’t based on circumstances? Or do you fear death? If you fear death, I encourage you to listen to this wonderful podcast by Jay Adams. It is about nine minutes long. It is powerful and can bring you peace through Christ. You can listen to it here or here.

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • It is hard to sleep in a hospital! Nearly every hour it seems they come to poke or examine you. It is better to recover at home. This is especially true if you have little ones who play teatime. 
  • Our kids don’t fully understand what is happening to me. They just know I go to the doctor a lot. This is as it should be. They can play and bring me plastic cakes without having to be concerned about things too great for them. 

The Lord is My Rock

Updates: 

  • My medical team has put a pause on my chemo treatments until they can discover the cause of my cough. I had a PET scan this past week, but the results are not conclusive. I need more testing to be done to inform my situation and see if any adjustments need to be made to future treatment.  
  • I am thankful for my doctor and his desire to be thorough. Although I was anticipating getting chemo this week, I do believe it is best to be informed with the most accurate information instead of just proceeding as normal. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Please pray for any future tests and the results. Pray that tests would be conducted quickly and would come back clear. 
  • Please pray that whatever is causing my cough would be completely healed. 

What I am Learning: 

  • I keep realizing suffering is an opportunity to trust the Lord. It is tempting to view this as a setback and be discouraged by it. However, there is nothing to do except wait on the Lord as I wait for more test results. 
  • During the first part of a PET scan, they inject you with an isotope. They instruct you to sit still in an isolation room for about an hour. During that time, I listened repeatedly to Psalm 62. (I use the Dwell App which is a wonderful app for Bible reading)
  • This Psalm has been a real source of comfort for me. God knows the outcome of every test and he is my rock. 

         For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. (Psalm 62:5–7)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • Each time I get a scan, I try to use it as a test for my Bible memory. For PET scans, they wrap you like a burrito and place you in this machine that looks like a giant donut. As the scanner hums over, it is a good time to rehearse the Bible. This focuses my mind and my heart.
  • This time I started with the book of Genesis and tried to recount as much content as I could from each chapter. I was able to make it all the way to chapter 11 by the time the scan was complete (Which is a good thing because I couldn’t remember anything from chapter 12!). 
  • Each chapter of Genesis is filled with God’s lovingkindness to his people who are rebellious and broken. God is so kind to us. He promised a Messiah who would be the one to die in our place and take our sins upon the cross. Jesus is our sure rock because he died and rose again.