Tag: psychology and Christianity

The Laws of Attraction and the Law of God

attraction
by Sean Perron
Mystery surrounds dating and romance.
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How do people fall in love? Why are certain people attracted to each other? How can someone become desirable?
A recent article from Psychology Today called “The Laws of Attraction” by Wendy Paris touches on these topics. The article’s subheading reads
Who we desire is driven by powerful evolutionary forces, but while most of us are drawn to looks first (whether or not we admit it), human attraction is far more complex than it appears at first sight.
I’m the first to admit that the Bible never uses the word dating. It talks about romance in different categories than our modern culture has created. However, the Bible is the most important source of information about how and why people fall in love.
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After reading the article, I was struck with how superior the law of God is compared to the psychological insights Psychology Today provided. I say this not to insult the author of this article but rather to highlight the helpfulness and relevance of the Bible. The plan for romance described in the pages of Scripture is not only sufficient for a healthy life, it is able to produce a beautiful life. Which makes it superior to any other resource.
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Consider the following summary of the main sections of the “Laws of Attraction” article:
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1) According to the article, the driving force of attraction in dating comes from evolutionary compulsions. Behind attraction is Darwinian evolution based upon natural selection and survival of the fittest. The people who are the most physically appealing are the most sought after because of reproductive qualities, but there can be other factors that contribute.
…it’s more important to be well matched with your partner than to catch the most beautiful person in your circle. Couples, whether same-sex or heterosexual, tend to fall within similar ranges of size, education, religious beliefs, values, and socioeconomic status.
2) The article attributes dating preferences to chemicals in the brain that compel people to be attracted to specific types of personalities. Chemistry is not a mere metaphor, but a driving factor in why people fall in love.
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3) It concludes by giving tips and ways to improve your own attractiveness. It claims you can increase your level of attractiveness by improving how you handle your most compelling features. A person can make themselves more attractive by being confident and comfortable and by broadening social networks.
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The problems of the article is not the observations from the psychologists. The psychologists have observed common occurrences and trends in romantic relationships. There is nothing wrong with pointing out the fact that attraction can develop by couples having intimate conversations or that there are a variety of chemicals in each person. The observations made by these psychologists are not wrong in and of themselves.
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The areas mentioned in the article fall short primarily because they do not adequately understand how and why human beings function in romantic relationships. The psychologists have the wrong foundation (Darwinian evolution) instead of the biblical foundation which establishes humanity as created in the image of God. But it isn’t merely their foundation that is faulty. The conclusions and summaries from the psychologists fail to be beautiful. They miss the most central compelling realities of romance and blunt all the beauty behind it.
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Consider now the following passages of Scripture in contrast to the three areas from the Psychology Today article I highlighted above:
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1) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-6, NIV)
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There are many things that could be said about the driving forces behind attraction, but fundamentally the article has “boxed-in” love. It relegates attraction to be a result of reproductive inclinations and calculations. People are attracted to the person they (knowingly or unknowingly) believe will best suite them for reproduction and survival. (I also find this perplexing because the article includes same-sex couples in its analysis and does not address the reality that same-sex relationships cannot biologically produce offspring)
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When this Darwinian box is forced upon attraction, love is forced out. Real love is lost when driven by biological calculations. If the “Laws of Attraction” article is true, there really is no such thing as love – only sexual desires. The beauty of romance is removed from the box.
On the other hand, the Bible provides a flourishing framework that accounts for both sexual appeal and an authentic moral category of love. The “Laws of Attraction” assessment allows for one law – the law of self-pleasure, self-preservation, and self-gratification. Only the law of God can demonstrate the greatest and most fulfilling pleasure available to man is through self-sacrifice. Attraction is not merely a result of physiological instincts and urges. It can be a result of genuine care and self-less love.
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2) “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.” (1 Peter 1:3-5a, NIV)
The person who feels “ugly” reading the Psychology Today article should despair if they take it to heart. If they believe the article, they are truly hopeless because all the action is confined to physical or social sexual appeal. The person who feels “gorgeous” should also despair after reading the article. If they believe Psychology Today, they will be fooled into thinking that attractiveness is merely outward.
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The Bible provides an accurate framework that does not dismiss outward beauty (Genesis 29:17), but places the emphasis on inner beauty. The Scriptures underscore the eternal value and attractiveness of holiness. In God’s economy, godliness is the goal.
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Consider the example of Fisher and his date in the article, only the body exists in this Darwinian system. Physical chemistry has replaced the conscience, the soul, and morality. This runs contrary to the better and more beautiful picture presented in 1 Peter which discusses the adornment of the heart. The Bible isn’t as simplistic as this article in Psychology Today.
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3) Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30, NIV)
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The practical advice on how to become more attractive misses the target because it is aiming the wrong way. The goal is backwards compared to the biblical framework of attraction. The article assumes the goal is to become more physically/socially appealing and then proceeds to give tips on how to cultivate appeal with whatever body type or skills a person possesses.
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Instead, the biblical goal is to glorify God by enjoying him and serving others. When a person seeks to serve others and bring honor to Jesus, they will naturally grow in faith and confidence of their standing before God. They will become bold and brave for the gospel of Jesus Christ. As they grow in Christian love and hospitality, this might increase their social standing and reputation. This confidence and growth in warmth might then increase their appeal to others who might be romantically interested in them. But this would be a by-product of faith and obedience. This would be a result of living in Christian community and could never have been the focus.
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It could also be that confidence is boosted, social skills are enhanced, networks are broadened, and attractiveness is at it’s highest possible peak, but no one ever bites. No dates take place because no one becomes romantically interested. What then?
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Only the Christian who sought the Lord with their whole heart can be radiant. The Christian is secure because their goal was never to maximize their attractiveness for the sole purpose of finding a mate. The Christian knows that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a person who fears the Lord is to be praised. It is only the Christian, because of the Bible, who can obtain true and lasting beauty. The blessed (happy) person is the one who walks in the Law of the Lord and meditates on his Law day and night (Psalm 1:1-6). He will be like a tree planted by streams of water that produces fruit in due season.
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In summary, if you are looking for a proper understanding into the mysteries of romance, you don’t need to read the latest in Psychology Today. Instead, you can mine the depths of the Scriptures to behold beautiful treasures. Romance is not merely about sexual attraction that is so easy to observe. Romance is about something much greater that only can be understood in light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”(Ephesians 5:32, ESV)

For more information on relationships and romance, check out Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon’s new books Letters to a Romantic: On Dating and Letters to a Romantic: On Engagement, (P&R, 2017).

Popes and Psychology

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Who is allowed to counsel?

I love the biblical counseling movement because it shows no partiality. It is Reformational to the core. The battle cry of the protestant reformation was to the sources! Ad Fontes. Sola Scriptura. Scripture alone is all that is needed and not any doctrine or creed from the Catholic church.

In Britain, William Tyndale was zealous for the Bible to spread among the average citizen and not be bound to the church hierarchy. “One scholar was so exasperated with Tyndale that he blurted out, ‘We were better be without God’s law than the Pope’s.'” To which Tyndale replied, “I defy the pope, and all his laws…and if God spare my life, ere many years I will cause a boy that driveth the plough shall know more Scripture than thou dost.” (See chapter five in The Unquenchable Flame by Reeves)

The Reformation took away the authority of Scripture from the Pope and declared that the Bible alone held the authority of God. Luther, Calvin and Zwingli believed the right of interpretation should not be held captive by Catholic priests. Rather, the Reformers pried biblical interpretation from the golden rings of the church and placed it in the dirty hands of the common man. For the first time in years, people were able to study the word of God without having to rely upon anyone. They were able to see, enjoy, and interpret the Scriptures for themselves. The Reformers believed any Christian indwelt by the Spirit of God could interpret the Bible. The biblical counselors believe the same thing.

There is a common assumption that only professional psychiatrists can truly counsel. Most Americans and even most pastors seem to automatically believe that people with difficult problems can only be helped by the professionals. Pastors frequently send church members to clinical psychologists who have been trained at secular institutions.

What qualifies someone to tell someone else how they should or should not live? What gives someone the resources to comfort a devastated heart or offer hope to a despairing soul?

Biblical counselors believe that anyone with the Spirit of God and a well worn Bible can adequately counsel those in all things that pertain to life and godliness. As Jay Adams would say, the Scriptures make someone competent to counsel.

This warms my heart and relieves my soul. I do not need to find some secret knowledge found in a psychiatric textbook in order to help those I love. I am thrilled that I do not need to be licensed by the state in order to care for those in my church. Instead, I am free to mine the Scriptures and connect them with daily living. Biblical counselors are called to love the Bible, love others and look intently into their lives to offer help.

Let me be clear; I am 100% pro training. A counselor should attend counseling classes, do theological research, and correctly interpret the Scriptures. A skillful knowledge of the Bible is essential to counsel well. Every counselor should seek to acquire a more seasoned understanding about people that comes from careful observation. I am incredibly thankful for organizations such as ACBC that aid in this process. May every biblical counselor go deeper into the Word and be equipped to connect the Scriptures with hard situations. Purposed thinking is not optional. Thoughtful, practical and intense contemplation is a part of good counseling.

But we should nail this theses on the door: there is no special class of professionals when it comes to counseling. Biblical counseling is available to the common man and not just the psychiatrists. Do you have a Bible? Do you love others? Do you have the Spirit of God and a desire for wisdom? Then counseling is for you.

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him…” (Galatians 6:1) No popes, no professionals, no priests. The power of God resides in jars of clay who are committed to knowing the Bible. Let us be trained in the Scriptures and let us boldly approach God for wisdom (James 1:5)

This post is a follow up to Why I Joined the Biblical Counseling Movement