Tag: Sean Perron

Dancing through the Minefields

This week marks six months since my bone marrow transplant (and 15 months since diagnosis). My PET scan shows that my cancer is still in remission. This is a huge praise. 

In addition to this good news, my latest echocardiogram shows that my heart is doing well. This means the heart failure I experienced during transplant was likely circumstantial instead of chronic. This is great news. I have to return again to Houston in three months for more immunity shots and another PET scan. Please continue to pray the cancer stays away. You can watch our video update here.

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! (Psalm 107:1)

My heart is steadfast, O God! I will sing and make melody with all my being! (Psalm 108:1)

The transplant brought numerous trials that we never expected. Through it all, Jenny has been by my side. She was with me in the worst moments and cared for me in countless ways. Whether it was reading Scripture out loud when I was anxious or helping me as my skin burned off, she was there. God is my very present help in times of need and one way he has been present is through Jenny. 

We took Christmas photos early this year. While taking photos, Jenny and I were able to dance at the Jacksonville Arboretum. Back in May, I could not walk without Jenny holding me up. But today I’m able to dance and twirl her around. Our hearts are filled with gratitude to God to make this possible. We believe each day is a gift from Jesus. 

To all our friends and family, thank you for your prayers and being with us on this journey. 

Jenny, I’m so glad I can continue dancing with you through the minefields.

Photo Credit: Victoria Hope Waters

Heading Home

Updates:

  • Today was my last day of doctor appointments in Houston before heading home next week. I have swelling in my arms, legs, and face that is mysterious but will not prevent me from traveling.
  • We have started packing!

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • We are planning to return to Jacksonville! Praise the Lord!
  • For some reason, I continue to retain water. My medical team is monitoring this, but please pray that it ceases. It’s likely a side effect of the transplant and my current chemotherapy.
  • Lord willing, I will be preaching at First Baptist on July 20th. We would love to see you there!

What I Am Learning

  • Last week, I mentioned that I’ve been reading about Hezekiah in the book of Isaiah. There’s a story in which he and Jerusalem are surrounded by the Assyrian army. Hezekiah receives several messages from the enemy, yet he turns to God in prayer for deliverance.
  • One of the ways God answers his prayer is by sending the angel of the Lord to slay the Assyrian army in the night. It was a miraculous, surprise attack.

“For I will defend this city to save it, for my own sake and for the sake of my servant David.” And the angel of the LORD went out and struck down 185,000 in the camp of the Assyrians. And when people arose early in the morning, behold, these were all dead bodies. Then Sennacherib king of Assyria departed and returned home and lived at Nineveh. (Isaiah 37:35–37)

  • God could have chosen any method to destroy His enemies, but He chose to send the angel of the Lord. This is the same angel who surrounds God’s people today. As Christians, we inherit the promises of Psalm 34:

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. (Psalm 34:6–7)

  • Hezekiah knew the Psalms. He humbled himself as a poor man, and the Lord delivered him using the very angel mentioned in Psalm 34:7. God will do the same for us today if we turn to Him in faith.

What Has Been Encouraging

  • As we reflect on the past three months, it’s clear we have not walked this journey alone. The Lord has been with us, and He has given us the body of Christ to care for us at every turn.
  • First Baptist Church members have supported us, prayed for us, and stayed in touch through these tumultuous weeks. Our story is their story—they have walked through the fire with us. The kindness we have experienced is overwhelming. We are eager to return!
  • Local churches in Houston have also come alongside us in humbling ways. Some didn’t even know us, yet they loved and served us as if we were members of their own congregations.
  • Jenny and I slipped into a chapel service at MD Anderson this past week. It was a short service between appointments. As we stood at the door, we saw my primary doctor enter the chapel. We quietly sat down beside him as the Scripture was being read. It was a wonderful moment as we prayed together, knowing we both need the Lord’s help.
  • The community of the saints is one of the great blessings of life. If you’ve stumbled upon this blog and aren’t connected to a local church—don’t miss out! Plan to attend a Bible-preaching church this Sunday. You just might be surprised by how wonderful it can be.

God Answers Prayer

Updates:

  • I’m doing physical therapy three times a week and making progress each day. The goal is that by the end of June, I’ll be able to stand for an hour without getting winded. It’s amazing to realize just how deconditioned my body has become — even the simplest exercises are tough!
  • The doctors are optimistic that the transplant was successful. Despite this good news, I will need to receive more chemotherapy for the next six months. A new study shows this additional treatment might help patients with my condition stay in remission, and my doctor wants to pursue it. I’ll receive two rounds here in Houston and the rest back in Jacksonville.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • This week, I met with my main transplant doctor and oncologist. He said my bloodwork is “pristine” for where I should be in recovery — wonderful news!
  • My appetite is strong for one meal, mediocre for a second, and almost absent by dinner. Please pray for my appetite to fully return.
  • It will take months to rebuild my immune system. Please pray that I remain healthy and do not need to return to the hospital.

What I’m Learning:

  • Sometimes, I’m a slow learner. It has taken me months to realize that one of the primary ways God is using this suffering is to encourage others in prayer. Again and again, I’ve heard people say they’ve been praying for me — and then they’ve seen God answer their prayers. Most of the time, He goes above and beyond what we could ask or imagine.
  • God has answered so many prayers and showered us with blessings during this wild and crazy time. I know He’s done this for His glory, and I’m so thankful for your prayers for me and my family. I hope you are encouraged in your own prayer life — to ask God for bold things, not just for me, but for yourself and His kingdom.

And he said to them, “When you pray, say: ‘Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come.’” (Luke 11:2)


Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16)

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Book recommendations can be risky. It’s easy to recommend something you love only for others to dislike it. Everyone enjoys different genres and writing styles — Charles Dickens’s style, for example, tends to generate polarizing opinions!
  • During my transplant journey, I set out with a sizable reading list. Unfortunately, my time in the ICU and hospital didn’t allow for as much reading as I hoped. Still, there’s one book I finished right before I got sepsis — and it was quite an unusual choice for me. Yet I was completely captivated.
  • In fact, I’d say it’s now in my top five favorite books of all time. It became a real companion while I was in and out of the ER and waiting for appointments. The chapters are short (2–3 pages each), and I found the content incredibly powerful.
    I’ll say no more except: give Theo of Golden by Allen Levi a try. If you enjoy it, let me know. If not — don’t judge me too hard — and maybe give A Tale of Two Cities a try instead!

Reflections on Ringing the Gong

Updates:

  • After 30 days in the hospital, I have been released! My blood counts are improving daily, and I’ve been placed on a lymphoma “Fast Track” recovery plan. Each day, I go to MDA for at least one appointment, and they are monitoring me closely.
  • I currently have no immunity, so my doctors have me on strict protocols to prevent any infection or virus. Unfortunately, our kids recently caught a cold, which means I won’t be able to see them for another week.
  • I will have another PET scan later this month to check on the status of my cancer. I will continue to receive regular PET scans over the next five years. The doctors won’t know whether the treatment was ultimately successful until we reach that five-year mark.

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I’m incredibly thankful to the Lord that I’m an “early engrafter” and only had to stay in the hospital for 30 days. This is a true blessing and a surprise. I was told I would likely be a late engrafter for several reasons, but the Lord shocked us all!
  • I’m still re-learning simple tasks and currently walk with assistance. I attend physical therapy three times a week, and the main goal is to be walking without a walker by the end of June.
  • It will take months to rebuild my immune system. Please pray that I don’t get sick during this time, which would require a return to the hospital.

What I Am Learning:

  • I continue to learn the lesson of trusting God with all my heart (Proverbs 3:5–6). Ringing the gong on my way out of the hospital was a wonderful moment. I’ve been waiting since last August to ring some sort of cancer bell to signal the end of my treatment. The laughter and look on Jenny’s face when I rang the gong are priceless to me. I’m deeply thankful.
  • And yet, we still don’t know if the treatment worked. There’s no physical way to know right now—only time will tell. The doctors are optimistic but can’t offer guarantees. Even as we celebrate the completion of chemotherapy and my hospital discharge, there remains a deep opportunity to trust the Lord with the future. God has set it up this way, so I continue to depend on Him for complete healing. He’s not done stretching, shaping, and growing my faith through this trial.
  • I know the Lord has helped me every step of the way during this transplant process. But I must continue to trust Him with the years ahead and “lean not on my own understanding.” The journey of faith is not a one-time decision—it’s a lifelong pilgrimage to the celestial city.
  • While the doctors are optimistic and cannot guarantee total healing, Jesus promises that He will never leave me nor forsake me. The cross is my guarantee of that promise. Jesus died for my sins and rose again. Will He not also graciously give me everything I need? Will He not hold my future firmly, no matter what future PET scans may show?

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? … Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?”
— Romans 8:31–35

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
— Proverbs 3:5–8

What Has Been Encouraging:

  • Fresh air! It’s good to be out of the hospital, even if I’m still weak. The Lord has humbled me through this process, and it’s easier now to see all the things I once took for granted. Going to lunch with a friend is a gift from the Lord. Being able to bend down and put on socks is a blessing. Attending a crowded event without fear of illness is a favor from God.
  • When we aren’t facing sickness or trials, it’s easy to feel independent from God and forget that our ability to eat, sleep, drink, and enjoy one another is a result of His kindness. Taking our health and “normal” life for granted is a subtle form of pride.
  • On a personal level, what can you enjoy today that you might normally overlook? What can you thank God for that you’ve forgotten comes from Him? When was the last time you asked for your “daily bread,” or do you just assume it will come?

“Give us each day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”
— Luke 11:3–4

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
— 1 Corinthians 10:31

“Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
— James 1:16–17

“The Stars Have Aligned”

Updates

  • I reached the stem cell collection goal and have been cleared for transplant to start next week!
  • I have been released from the hospital after experiencing a serious allergic reaction during a minor surgery.
  • Chemo has started, and “high-intensity chemo” begins on Wednesday of next week.

Prayer Requests and Praises

  • This week was a wild one for us. My stem cell collection was proceeding slower than anticipated due to allergic reactions to a particular shot used to stimulate white blood cells. My goal was “5 million cells” (which is actually five million per kilogram I weigh, totaling over 300,000,000 cells), and I was lagging. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big problem, but the doctor told me it would delay my transplant start date by seven days. This was concerning because my cancer is so aggressive that even a week’s delay could allow the cancer cells more time to fester and grow. Neither we nor my doctor wanted that to happen.
  • A real answer to prayer occurred on Thursday when the doctor signed off for me to proceed. He said I would meet the necessary cell collection goal by the end of the day. This means the high-intensity chemo won’t be delayed! Appointments were immediately lined up for surgery to remove my stem cell collection device and replace it with the high-intensity chemo catheter.

The exact words we were told: “Multiple stars had to align for you to get that, and it just happened.”
Praise the Lord! As many of you have pointed out, it wasn’t the stars, but rather the Creator who made the stars — not random chance, but divine providence.

  • Things are now moving quickly, and I have begun chemotherapy treatment. Please pray for no more allergic reactions and for minimal (or no!) side effects.

What I Am Learning

  • The same day I received the great news about reaching the cell collection goal, I later experienced an intense allergic reaction during a minor surgery. They believe it was likely due to the numbing medication given at the start of the procedure. My breathing became difficult, and I was experiencing chest discomfort — all while my whole body turned as red as a hot pepper. I was awake during the procedure (under a very hot blue tarp!) and was quickly rushed to the ER and stabilized.
  • I am thankful to God that He preserved my life and gave me clarity of mind during the procedure to communicate with the many doctors and nurses working to help me. I admit I was becoming anxious during this ordeal but thought about Philippians 4:8-9. That passage speaks about dwelling on things that are good, lovely, right, and true. I thought about the key people God has placed in my life to care for me — Jenny, my parents, my kids, and individuals from First Baptist Church. I thought about deacons and staff members I work with who have shown us the love of Christ in extraordinary ways. God has truly blessed me and my family with great Christian fellowship that continues to sustain me even in urgent situations.


“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise — think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8–9)

I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me. (Psalm 30:1–2)

What Has Been Encouraging

  • I have repeatedly thought about my family this week. In this blog, I want to highlight the constant love and support from my mom and dad. Our original plan was to spend the weeks in Houston leading up to transplant with our children, and then have my parents take over during my isolation period. That plan changed. My entire life I had never had any allergic reactions, but they began during my immunotherapy treatments back in March. Due to these allergic reactions, it became necessary for me to spend the past two weeks on campus at the hospital. My parents were thrown into 24/7 babysitting — and they rose to the occasion. They took care of me growing up, and now they are taking care of me through cancer by taking care of our kids.
  • Below is one of my new favorite pictures. It shows my whole family visiting me while I’ve been restricted to the hospital campus. They are leaving the property holding hands, and I am so grateful for their tireless effort to support me during this trial!

The Character of God in the Midst of Suffering

Updates: 

  • I unfortunately contracted the stomach bug, and it has been a bumpy ride at times this week! I’m staying away from the family again so they don’t get sick. 
  • Good news! My chest x-ray is negative for pneumonia and infection. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • Even though I am sick, I am thankful it has not delayed treatment. I contracted the illness after my last chemo infusion. 
  • Still no signs of infection with my two incisions from my port surgeries. This is a real blessing! 
  • My next infusion is on January 16th and is followed by one on the 30th. My final infusion is on February 13th. We are on the home stretch, so please pray all the cancer is killed! 

What I am Learning: 

  • The character of God is astounding. The more we spend time thinking about who God is, the more it shapes who we become. “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)
  • God is infinite. This means that all his attributes are infinite as well. They keep going and going. To say it differently, God’s mercy, grace, love, power, and majesty are always exciting, fresh, and never exhausted. We will forever be discovering new layers and depths of who God is. It will take an eternity to plumb the love of God for us in Christ Jesus. 
  • The truths about how God’s attributes are forever deep are a help during times of suffering. God’s endless (new morning) mercies mean that I can continually pray to him and ask for deliverance. God’s ever-abounding love means that he will always surround me as the mountains surround Jerusalem – from this time forth and forever more (Psalm 125). God’s matchless and perpetually amazing power means I can trust that he will hold me and protect me perfectly. 

“Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.” (Psalm 145:3) 

 “To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ…” (Ephesians 3:8) 

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17–19)

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • When I am feeling crummy from the chemo, I am typically laid up in my bed. However sometimes I can lie on the couch in our living room. Our kids really like it when I can do this because we get to watch “Planet Earth.” 
  • We have seen the whole trilogy of Planet Earth. In my opinion, the first one is the best, and the third is the worst. 
  • We recently watched an entire segment in which a pack of lions was desperate for food. They were so hungry they decided to attack an elephant near a water hole. The whole pack struggled at first but was eventually successful at taking down this one elephant. We don’t typically think of lions as desperate, but they can “suffer want and hunger.” 
  • While the king of the jungle might go hungry, God tells us that we “lack no good thing.” God always provides for us good things because he himself is good. Look at the connection in Psalm 34 between God’s goodness and how he provides for us even more than the lions. His character and his actions are connected.    

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:8–10)

  • Do you want the assurance that God will provide for every need of yours in Christ Jesus? Call upon his name. He died and rose again so that you might have abundant life. Oh taste and see that he is good! 

Treats, Trust, and Scary Quotes 

Updates: 

  • My treatments are progressing, and I am starting to feel the cumulative effect of them. I feel a bit more tired and a bit more drugged from the chemo. However, there have been great moments this past week in which I have been able to work and spend time with my family. 
  • We are looking forward to making an appearance at Trunk of Treats at our church in an unexpected way. Our kids are stoked and more excited than any year because we plan on having a trunk. We hope to see you there! 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • I saw my doctor on Monday after my infusion treatment, and he is encouraged about the reduction in my lymphoma symptoms. For example, months ago, I would wake up 5-6 times per night drenched in sweat (a classic sign of lymphoma). I am now experiencing 1-2 night sweats per week.
  • The biggest prayer request is for this progress to continue. We won’t know how the treatment is doing until late November, but pray the cancer is completely gone before my next PET scan. That would be miraculous! The Lord can do this! 

What I am Learning: 

  • There have been numerous books which have fed my soul since my diagnosis. Perhaps the first one I should mention is the helpful devotional by Jerry Bridges called 31 Days Toward Trusting God. This small book has provided rocks for me to step across in the midst of the flood of suffering. If you have never read it, pick up a copy and let it minister to your soul. 
  • One of the main themes of Bridge’s devotional is the sovereignty of God regardless of the situation. God really is in control. He has always been and will always be. His loving rule of the world doesn’t stop when tragedy strikes. Listen to how the Bible describes God’s reign: 

Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases. (Psalm 115:3)

For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men. (Lamentations 3:31–33)

 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm 139:16)

God has numbered our days, and this is good. I can trust God’s care over my life because he has given up his only Son to die in my place. There is not a single cancer cell that is beyond his wisdom, might, and power. I am going to die exactly when God wants me to die – and not a moment sooner. While this truth might be hard to digest, it produces peace and good fruit. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • In his helpful little booklet called Don’t Waste Your Cancer, John Piper writes, “You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.” This advice is wise. After all, no matter what happens, we are all going to have to cross the river of death unless Jesus returns. Bob Russell made a similar point in a recent sermon on anxiety. Facing the worst-case scenario can be helpful when we know that God is ultimately in control. It is not enjoyable to look at death in the eyes, but it is amazing to know that we follow in the footsteps of the risen Christ who defeated death.
  • Below are some powerful quotes to help us meet death whenever it should come. I found these quotes from this set of bookmarks in honor of Reformation Day (the same day as Halloween!). 

“Death only frightens those who have their mind exclusively in this world.” -John Calvin, 1509-1564

“Resolved never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life.” -Jonathan Edwards, 1703-1758

“Live in Christ, die in Christ, and the flesh need not fear death.” -John Knox, C. 1514-1572

“I am more afraid of my own heart than of the pope and all his cardinals.” -Martin Luther, 1483-1546

“Let them fear death who do not fear sin.” -Thomas Watson, 1620-1686

“It is not a loss to die. It is a lasting perpetual gain” -Charles Spurgeon, 1834-1892

Praying Afresh

Updates: 

  • I’ve been told that chemo can have a “cumulative effect.” I’m not sure if that is what I’m experiencing this week, but my body has felt more “chemo crummy” than usual. It is hard to describe, but essentially my body feels “weary and heavy laden” at times. 
  • I will be getting another PET scan at the end of November which is my half-way point. This will give concrete results that show whether or not the chemo is effectively killing the cancer. They expect either a partial response or a complete response.

Prayer Requests and Praises

  • Please pray that when I get my PET scan in November the cancer will be completely gone. I did not realize this was a possibility until today. This is the ideal scenario.
  • My liver enzymes are elevated, and they are monitoring them. If they continue to increase, it could require a reduction in my level of chemo. Pray my liver continues to process the chemo without more difficulty.

What I am Learning: 

  • The Lord is reminding me how to pray more biblically. I have been continually meditating on the Songs of Ascent, and it is starting to shape my prayers. My goal is to memorize all the Songs (Psalms chapter 120-134) by the end of my treatments. Lord willing, my treatments will conclude by March 1st. I would love for someone to memorize them with me! Let me know if you are up for the challenge. 
  • One way the Lord is teaching me to pray is by “reasoning” with God. There are numerous times in which David offers to God reasons why God should act on his behalf. He had intense humble boldness. I have selected these three verses as examples from the helpful book Psalms for Trials by Lindsey Tollefson. 

Turn, O LORD, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise? (Psalm 6:4–5)

Lord, where is your steadfast love of old, which by your faithfulness you swore to David? Remember, O Lord, how your servants are mocked, and how I bear in my heart the insults of all the many nations, with which your enemies mock, O LORD, with which they mock the footsteps of your anointed. (Psalm 89:49–51)

For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble! (Psalm 143:11)

  • A prayer of reasoning could sound like this: “God, you are the Lord! You can demonstrate your power in a mighty way. It would be a great testimony to your glory to heal me because so many people are praying. Don’t you want to answer all their prayers? Don’t you think it would be better for me to praise you instead of going to the grave? For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!” 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

  • The number of children praying for me has been a delightful surprise and a source of encouragement. Several children regularly request to pray for “Pastor Sean” or “my daddy’s friend Sean.” A couple families even made me personalized drawings. One child drew a picture of me riding on top of a lion. I have never done that, but who knows what can happen after my treatments are complete! 
  • The other night before bed, I read Chandler the story about how Jesus welcomes the little children. Jesus loves kids, and he says that we should become like them when it comes to our faith. The sincerity and dependance that a child often exhibits are qualities true faith also possesses. May we all fully trust in the Christ who loved us to the point of death and rose from the dead on our behalf! 

 “But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ And he laid his hands on them and went away.” (Matthew 19:14–15)

Waiting

Updates: 

• This past week came with more challenging side effects than I anticipated. After each chemo treatment, I receive a shot that helps boost my depleted immune system. Amazingly, the shot is in a small box they strap on my arm. It is on a timer that administers the medicine right when I need it most. I am very thankful for this shot! However, it can disturb my muscles. It feels like I did an epic workout, and it makes them painful. Or as someone else said, “Your body feels like it is filled with liquid cement.” 

• My doctor told me I would receive another PET scan in late November. That PET scan is important because it will reveal how effective the treatments have (or have not) been. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

• I have carried a lingering cough since January. It got progressively worse until I could not speak publicly for very long without interruption. I want to bless the Lord and praise him because my cough is almost completely gone. I don’t even cough at night. While the doctor has not said it, I am hopeful this is a sign that the cancer in my lungs is shrinking. Please pray this is the case!

• Please also pray for Jenny who is often working double time around the house when I am in bed, unable to help, and she is tending to me.

What I am Learning: 

• The ups and downs of chemo can parallel a patient’s spiritual hills and valleys. Even with encouraging signs of progress, there is a temptation to worry while waiting. For example, I must wait until November to know if my treatments are truly being effective to remove the cancer from my bones, liver, and lungs. Each week I must wait until my bloodwork returns to know if I’m able to proceed with the next infusion. I don’t like this if I am honest. But this waiting is the means God is using to work in me. 

• God ordains circumstances in our lives that are meant to press us further into dependance upon Christ. God uses waiting to help us walk by faith. Between now and my next appointment I am called by God to submit to his plan for my life. When we are forced to wait, we will either worry or we will worship.

“I bear my witness that the worst days I have ever had have turned out to be my best days. And when God has seemed most cruel to me, he has then been most kind. If there is anything in this world for which I would bless him more than for anything else, it is for pain and affliction. I am sure that in these things the richest, tenderest love has been manifested to me. Our Father’s wagons rumble most heavily when they are bringing us the richest freight of the bullion of his grace.” Charles Spurgeon (June 26, 1881)

• Are you waiting for something? What you do in the meantime is more important than whatever it is you are anticipating. Christ lovingly wants us to wait on him by looking to him at all times. 

What Has Been Encouraging: 

• I have been reading a Psalm of Ascent each day. The Songs of Ascent are Psalms 120-134. Consider the power of Psalm 123:1-3 for the suffering soul. It is a Psalm about waiting upon the Lord – desperately. Read how many times it mentions “eyes” looking for help and then notice how many times it mentions the word “mercy.” 

To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he has mercy upon us. Have mercy upon us, O LORD, have mercy upon us, for we have had more than enough of contempt. 

• As believers, we can wait on the Lord by making this Psalm our prayer. Pray something like this: “O God! We are only going to look to you! We are looking nowhere else for our help. We need you and won’t stop looking to you until you act. We don’t deserve help but know you are kind. Have mercy upon us! Have mercy upon us Lord. Have mercy upon us.”

• I have been greatly helped by the devotional books In the Lord I Take Refuge: 150 Daily Devotions through the Psalms by Dane Ortlund and Psalms by the Day: A New Devotional Translation by Alec Motyer. If you can only buy one of them, buy In the Lord I Take Refuge. If you have Ortlund’s book and want to go deeper, don’t miss Motyer’s devotional. It is unique and will instruct your soul. 

Leaving the Shire

Update: 

  • Many people have kindly asked how I am feeling after my first encounter with chemotherapy. Perhaps the best answer I can give is to say that I feel “strange” and “unpredictable”. There have been both good and rough moments with the side effects. Some days have been spent mostly in bed and others are punctuated with pockets of extreme weakness or bone pain. 
  • I believe God has answered many prayers and my symptoms have been mild compared to what others have experienced. I still would not wish chemo upon anyone unless necessary. 
  • Next week I will continue with another treatment as long as my blood cell counts are good and I am well. 

Prayer Requests and Praises:

  • My mouth sores have significantly reduced. This is a real blessing because those are quite unpleasant. Praise the Lord! 
  • Please continue to pray the treatment kills the cancer throughout my body. 
  • I have quickly learned that chemo comes with ups and downs. It really matters where you place your mind. Pray that whether I am in a low spot or a high spot – my eyes would look to Jesus afresh (Psalm 121). 

What I am Learning: 

  • The reason God does not tell us the future is because he wants us to depend completely upon him.  

“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.” Ecclesiastes 7:14

  • God has sent cancer into my life for me to know him more deeply. I hate cancer, but it is a gift to expose the gaps of my faith and prompt me to seek the Lord. The most important thing is not that I would survive for another year, but that I would trust the Lord fully.

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13 

What has been Encouraging: 

  • Almost every night, Jenny and I try to watch 10-15 minutes of The Lord of the Rings trilogy while I drink my protein shake. It is a great time. If you have read the book or watched the movies, you know the location of the Shire is a place we all long to dwell. It is simple, beautiful, and seemingly sheltered from the rest of the world. The grassy hills are lush green, and the birthday parties are next level. Suffering should not be happening in the Shire. 
  • Most of my 33 years have been relatively free of physical suffering. I have certainly had trials, but nothing has been medically extreme. The cataclysmic power of cancer has forced me to leave the Shire and enter a journey that I didn’t want and wouldn’t choose. I am now on a path of suffering seeking to throw cancer into the lava of Mordor. 
  • But I am not on this path alone. I have the Lord and he has given a fellowship of friends who are on this journey with me. I alone must receive the treatments, but I don’t feel alone. I know you are praying for me. Jenny and I have felt your care and kindness. Your thoughtfulness is a true blessing from the loving hand of Christ to us. Thank you.