Author: unspokenblog

Letters To A Young Engaged Man: Should We Kiss?

Dear Young Engaged Man,

You have a completely legitimate question: “Should Christian couples kiss before marriage?”

All cards on the table: I believe kissing should be saved only for your spouse.  My philosophy on the subject might seem radical, but let that be attractive rather than repelling. After all, Jesus said the way to life is narrow and few would find it.

I suggest refraining from kissing until you say your vows.  Now if you find yourself agreeing with me, do not to make these things law. Instead, be convinced in your own mind and strive to display your pleasure in purity for the glory of Christ.  Let me try to convince you briefly.

  1. I’ve never met anyone who regretted this decision. However, I’ve met many couples who wished they had saved more for their marriage.
  2. Kissing shows commitment. A kiss is a special sign of deep friendship. Consider Psalm 2:12, “Kiss the Son lest he be angry with you.” Jesus wants you to kiss him before He comes. This passage communicates what everyone knows deep down- A kiss is not “just a kiss”.   Jesus wants exclusive devotion, submission and love. In my opinion, kissing communicates special covenantal language. This is what makes a “holy kiss” greeting holy, and what makes a Judas betrayal so wicked.
  3. Kissing is like jumping out of an airplane. It starts the thrill of skydiving.  You can pull a parachute, but you’ve started the descent and its very hard to turn back. To begin every time and then stop half way is going against the laws of gravity.
  4. I want to maximize my pleasure. I’m the guy who thinks it is exciting to save dessert for last. The same applies here.
  5. We want to do everything possible to “present our brides to ourselves in splendor without spot or wrinkle or blemish.” (Ephesians 5:27) Not one wrinkle should be found. Not even a single blemish on the garment of purity. Refrain from kissing will help accomplish this and lessen the pressure of temptation.
  6. There is something exciting about cheering when a groom kisses his long awaited bride.
  7. I will cheer for you regardless of what you decide but I think your heart will cheer louder if the kiss has been treasured by patience.

I lay these things before you for your consideration. Talk about these things and let me know what you decide.

And remember, it is never too late to redeem something.

Until then,
Sean

 

The content for this post has been updated and expanded in Letters to a Romantic: On Dating which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing. 

Letters To A Young Engaged Man: Be A Gentleman

Dear Young Engaged Man,

I was reading in Colossians 3 and verse 9, stuck out to me. Paul specifically warns us “not to be harsh with our wives.” This means that Paul noticed men have a tendency to be gruff.

What is the opposite of harshness? Gentleness

Do not fall into the self righteous pit of “Well, she is just so sensitive and anything I say will hurt her feelings.” I’ve found that when a guy says this, it is really because he doesn’t want to work at adjusting his tone or bridling his tongue. It’s easier to pass the blame than to pick up a bloody cross.  In fact, some guys justify their gruffness by thinking they are helping their wives not be as sensitive. The Bible does not permit this.

“The fruit of the Spirit is…. gentleness.” (Galatians 5:23)

“If anyone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness.” (Galatians 6:1)

“Correct your opponents with a spirit of gentleness.” (1 Timothy 2:5)

If we are to correct our opponents with gentleness, certainly our wives should receive double grace!

Harshness closes the door of a woman’s heart. It can clog the channel of communication and that is a prime place for bitterness to fester.   When we are gentle, our wives will want to share their lives with us. Gentleness is winsome. Gentleness is supernatural. Gentleness is godly. Gentleness is a gift to your spouse.

How can we be gentle? It starts by going deep into the gospel. Jesus did not throw us roughly into the cage of salvation. Instead he pursued us with his loving kindness and like a shepherd lead us into freedom.

If we are prone to harshness then we want to catch this on the front end.   Let us be overwhelmed by the gentle grace of God.

Let us be gentlemen.

Until then,
Sean

Letters To A Young Engaged Man: Why Do You Quarrel?


Dear Young Engaged Man,

Thank you for telling me about your first quarrel as an engaged couple. Isn’t it ironic that it was over something so small? I know it did not seem small in the heat of the moment, but after things cool down you realize that it is often the smallest coals which can often burn the hottest and longest. Brother, I wish you were alone in this struggle.

A helpful question to ask is why did you quarrel?

The book of James says that we fight because our pleasures are at war inside of us (James 4:1-4). I believe this is attributed to trying to find our pleasure in ourselves rather than in God by serving each other. We have our “passions”, as the ESV translates it, and these passions are driven by the things we want but don’t have. We want so we fight to get it.

Now you might wonder how selfishness can be at the root of quarreling. But ask yourself this question, “If I was thinking about how I could serve her, would I have gotten so frustrated?”
When I am looking for an opportunity to be patient with my fiancée, it is hard to get frustrated. When I am looking for an opportunity to be gentle, I am slow to anger.

I must pray through Galatians 5:22-23. And when I do, I usually find that I am the cause for quarreling rather than her.

Try praying through the fruits of the Spirit this week and please keep me posted on your conversations. I will be praying for you.

Until then,
Sean

Letters To a Young Engaged Man: Pursue Him Before You Pursue Her

Dear Young Engaged Man,

Do not be tricked into thinking that your real spiritual life begins the day of your wedding. I know this may sound bizarre when I vocalize it, but the thought may have already sneaked into your subconscious.

You might unknowingly believe the lie that you will be super spiritual after you married. You may be deceived into thinking that your big sins now will simply become small sins later. You may be delusional and find yourself fantasizing about spiritual heights in your marriage simply because you are married. Marriage is not a magic wand for making sin disappear.   The reality is that spiritual maturity is hard work that begins now. Set spiritual goals for your marriage and desire to be the spiritual head of your family. But if you are not pursuing these goals now, do not expect the marriage vows to be a five hour spiritual energy drink.

Your spiritual maturity in marriage begins by pursuing Jesus now. Do not wait until she walks down the aisle. You should be on your knees at the alter seeking the face of the Lord long before that day. Pursue Him before you pursue her.
I am convicted as I write this to you. So let us run the race now. Looking unto Jesus the author and the finisher of our faith.

Until then,
Sean

Lecture to Grandpa: A Critique of My Generation

I wrote this piece in high school.  It portrays a conversation between a current high school/college student and an old man brought into current times from the past.

Sleep in until noon in the summer; when school starts, wake up as late as possible and hit the snooze button as many times as you can.  Be sure to look at the magazine covers in the grocery store to see the latest trends, but make sure everything that you wear is your own “personal style.”  Be independent; nobody can tell you what to do.  You are the master of your fate; you are the captain of your soul.  You only live once; therefore, live for yourself.   If the assignment is not due tomorrow, it’s not homework.  Remember your needs: iPhone, long weekends, borrowed money, and ignorance.

 But what about family dinners, hard work, quiet evenings – and what on God’s green earth is an iPhone?

“god” is important only when he is convenient.  Here is how you text message to avoid contact with those in your personal space.  Here is how you avoid confrontation.  Here is how you learn only what you need to know to get by under the radar.  Don’t be too smart; people will think you’re a nerd.  Don’t enjoy things too much; people will think you’re foolish.  Don’t be innocent; people might think you’re stupid.  Don’t be pure; people might think you’re a child.  Here’s how to use Facebook and Gmail.  Here’s how you tweet.  Here’s how to critique the world from behind a computer screen. What do you mean you don’t use computers?  How old are you anyway!?  Make sure you listen to this music, and watch these movies, and never say “no” because people might think you’re puritanical.

But what if I really don’t like the trends?  What if I actually love good, and hate evil?  What if God is an actual reality?

Never mind that. Do you really want to be the prude – the wet blanket on the flickering flames of my youth?

The Good News of Justice

Justice seems to be the buzz word of the year. Social justice, humanitarian causes, and mercy ministries are now in vogue. I just returned from an interesting conference that rallied for the cause of justice. The folks that this event attracted were rather diverse. Some solid on the Bible and others hanging by a thread over the flames of hell.

I am just a traveler on the journey of loving people rightly. I have a long way to go. But I know where the train begins and the tracks it should run on.  The gateway for fighting injustice is the good news of God. The tracks on which the train of justice roll are the tracks of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection.

Very important to the cause of fighting injustice are the words “No greater love has one for another than to lay his life down for his friends.” (John 15:13)  This strips social justice of any political overtones. Few liberals can run with this banner for very long and few conservatives can become calloused against it. When Jesus says he is going to love his friends to the death, it means love them to the eternal death.

Jesus left his glorious home in heaven to minister to the poor. And we can follow his example by giving our lives to the poor. But Jesus did not just come to live among the broken and abused. Jesus did not just leave us a good example when he died on the cross. There was something much bigger going on. He was absorbing the infinite wrath of an almighty God on behalf of wicked sinners.

So yes, I come from a church that emphasizes the substitutionary work of Jesus’ death on the cross.  And no, Jesus was not merely killed because he threatened the position of his oppressors.  The gospel is bigger than that.  Justice is bigger than that.  Jesus was wounded for our transgressions and crushed for our iniquities and by his stripes we are healed.

Unfortunately, there is this false dichotomy that says that theology and loving neighbor are mutually exclusive. There are many theology loving people who neglect loving their neighbors. And there are many justice-loving people who neglect loving their Savior. A division like this is not needed. One should flow out of the other.

Only those who are gripped by the Jesus who lays his life down for sinners make good “social activists”. Idolatry is the worst injustice ever committed. The death of Jesus puts right the worst wrong. Sin against God is paid in full for those who call upon His name.

God hated injustice so much that he slaughtered his only Son. From the cross did his love and blood roll.

I can’t think of a better place for justice to flow from.

Sin With Lipstick


Luke 7:36-50


She is a “woman of the city”  She sleeps for a price. She has no morals. She is looked down upon.  She is the town prostitute.
Evidently Jesus should have known who she was. Simon knew. Now She is crying so intensely that she can wet Jesus’ feet. She can use her own tears to clear the dirt off Christ. Jesus’ feet have been caked with dirt and this slave of sex has come to clean him up. Now she is kissing his feet. The same lips that have been with countless men are now touching the feet of God. Now she is pouring expensive perfume on Him. Perfume she has been saving. Only she is not using this perfume to seduce anyone. Instead she is using it to anoint the feet of Jesus.

Simon cannot take it. Is Jesus really a holy man since this woman is touching Him? How could he be a prophet if he does not know about her? (Verse 39) He said this to himself… not to anyone there… but to himself. Thoughts coated in self-righteousness. Sin with lipstick. Pampered pride. Hidden, dark, festering, and full of blindness.

This should cause all of us to pause and pray for mercy. Is this our heart?
  Jesus will not let these obscene thoughts pass him by.  
I have something to say to you Simon.  Say it teacher (Verse 40). How were these words exchanged? Could you hear the pride in Simeon’s voice? Or was it coated with a gloss of genuineness? Or was it really sincere?

He who is forgiven little loves little.

Wait… doesn’t this just mean Simon was right? Is Jesus saying that Simon is decent and only needed a little help from Jesus and prostitute vile and wicked needing massive rescue?

No, Jesus does not mean that Simeon was a good guy.  Rather he means that Simon did not understand the depth of His sin. Simon did not understand that he was in the same position as the prostitute. He should have been the one on the dirty floor weeping at the feet of Jesus.  He is the one who should have been breaking his valuables for Jesus.  He is the one who should have soaked the Savior’s feet with tears.  But he did not realize the depth of his sin nor did he realize the worth of the Savior.

We need to be on the ground before God. At this “true love waits” banquet, we need to be like this prostitute. Broken over our sin. Psalm 24 says only he who has clean hands and a pure heart can ascend to the hill of the Lord. Is that us? Not apart from the blood of Jesus.

Who is the pure one in this parable? Is it the virgin Pharisee unstained by “sexual immorality?” Or is it the prostitute? Who is the pure of heart?

The blood of Jesus is our only hope for purity.

Pick your prayer: “God, have mercy upon me a sinner!” or “God, thank you that I am not like her”

{adapted from the sermon “Purity, Prostitutes, and Pharisees” preached at Laguardo Baptist on 2.11.12}

25 Reasons

In in less than 100 days, I’m going to marry the love of my life:  Jennifer Whiteaker.  Last year for Valentines Day I wrote out the top 25 reasons why I was attracted to Jennifer Whiteaker. Every day leading up to Valentines Day I would hide an envelope with one reason written in it. I would let her discover a new one each day.

Jennifer is the embodiment of the Proverbs 31 woman and I can say that a mere 25 reasons does not do her justice. She is my precious treasure and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my days with her. If she knew I was posting this, she would want me to say that the only reason I am attracted to her is because of Jesus. To which I would respond, “See, now there are 26 reasons.”

  1.  You hold me loosely.
  2.  His name and renown is the desire of your soul
  3.  You humbly submit to your Savior.
  4.  You become less and He becomes more.
  5.  You receive the rain of the Spirit and He adorns your soul with beautiful blossoms
  6.  Proverbs 31:14
  7.  The Word of Christ dwells in you richly
  8.  You laugh loud and are serious about service
  9.  You become undignified in your worship
  10.  Adventure is your middle name
  11.  Your beautiful brown eyes let me see your precious heart
  12.  You dress like a daughter of God
  13.  You look out for those who have not been noticed
  14.  The teaching of kindness is on your lips
  15.  You fear God and not man’s opinion.
  16.  You are a visible picture of Jesus’ words “blessed are the meek”
  17.  You repent of sin when convicted.
  18.  You hate evil and love good.
  19.  Your songs flow from a gospel filled heart.
  20.  You give knowing your possessions are in heaven.
  21.  You splash your surrounding with spontaneous expressions of glee
  22.  Encouragement is the bread you bake
  23.  Your eye lashes flutter like the flowing wings of a pure feathered flamingo.
  24.  You boldly approach the throne of God in prayer.
  25.  You find your identity and worth in the gospel.

Painting Prophecy

Often prophecy in the New Testament can perplex readers. Sometimes is seems as though the New Testament writers were not consistent in their use of the Old Testament. Here is my feeble attempt at an illustration that may help shed light on how the New Testament writers understood Old Testament prophecy.

The two main painting styles I am familiar with are “Replication” and “Abstract”.

One type of painting technique attempts to replicate a photo or event with minute detail and accuracy. This was my choice of style when I first began to paint. I loved to paint fruit as realistic as possible or reduplicate photographs on a canvas.

Another form of art is known as Impressionism. Abstract art uses a much broader stroke of artistic interpretation yet still conveys a message or picture. Against all odds (and to my grandfather’s chagrin), most of my current paintings lean towards the way of Van Gogh.

I have learned to appreciate both mediums and understand their places in the art realm. Neither one is wrong but they both have their benefits.

This analogy may be helpful in relation to Scriptural prophecy.

  1. Literal Fulfillment
    Matthew 2:6 is a direct fulfillment of Micah 5:2. Jesus’ birthplace is predicted hundreds of years in advanced and is fulfilled exactly as foretold. I would equate this with replication type paintings. The Old Testament prophet says “A+B will make C” and thus the New Testament equation unfolds.
  2. Typological fulfillment.
    An example of this would be found in Matthew 2:15. Matthew saw the life of Israel and the life of Jesus and did not think it was a coincidence. Jesus was not in Egypt for slavery but for safety. Jesus is the true and better Israel and fulfills everything Israel was not. In this medium of prophecy, the New Testament writers see a divine foreshadow, theme, or event in the Old Testament and connect it with the life or ministry of Christ. Though these prophecies are not necessarily a detailed blueprint that would have been anticipated, they depict pictures of the Messiah which the inspired authors used. I would compare this type of prophecy with impressionistic art. (e.g. Mt 2:16-18, 2:23)

Both are right and both have their beauty and place in the realm of Scripture. The New Testament writers knew how to read the Bible properly and we would do well to follow their method of study.

 

Waiting With Simeon

My name is Simeon, and I have been refined through the furnace of forbearance.  I had a promise stored away in the confines of my heart for many years.  A confidence; an assurance; a hope; a revelation.  All of this from the very Spirit of Yahweh.  You see, I had the great promise of looking incarnate salvation straight in the face.  Israel’s consolation.  The Messiah.  The Lord had promised that I would not see death until this promise had been fulfilled before my eyes.  And, oh, how it’s fulfillment was so sweet.

Yet, between the birth of the promise and its consummation, there were great days of angst.  You know the feeling, don’t you?  The promise is received.  The fire of faith is white-hot in your soul.  Then a week goes by, and then a month, and a year; your hair starts to grey.  Your skin starts to wrinkle.  Your bones begin to ache.  And things grow dark.  Do you know what I mean, friend?  Do you know this feeling?  Do you know the feeling of a promise received from our great God, but then the tides of time beat on your shore, grating away at the foundation of your hope?  I knew this feeling.

You see, friend, rarely do we hear of the between days.  Those twenty-four hour cycles of waiting.  When all one can do is cling to what one knows is true about the promise-making God while his promise remains unfulfilled.  This is my story.

How did I wait on this promise-making, delaying God?  By constant reminder.  How David’s songs soothed my soul!  It seemed as though David’s song voiced the words that were in my heart that I could not speak.  I can’t begin to number the times that I reminded myself of this great confidence he had:  “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:13-14)  This was my song.  Because it seemed that all I had was a promise. And yet, I believed that I would see that promise.  My stumbling, weak hope was set steadfast on the sovereign God of Israel.

And so, in the weary days when the promise had no vigor, I reminded myself.  In the temple, in the Spirit, my faith was refined through hope deferred.  Do you know this, friend?  Have you felt the tender hand of our Father who is never slack on his promises, but also never premature on his delivery?  This is our great God.  The one who gave our people 430 years of silence until the cries of John in the wilderness.  All of this according to plan; all of this by great orchestration.  No promise unfulfilled; and no child of his unpurified by patience.

But, friend, when I held the promise in my arms for the first time – when my heart sighed in great relief while holding the Messiah of the nations – I knew that I could die.  For I had looked upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  I had tasted and seen that the Lord is good.  Yet, I did not just see and taste his goodness in the moment the was promise fulfilled.  I had seen it in the waiting.  The Spirit of God was upon me, giving me faith in his promises during the weary days of lost hope.  When my faith was gone, I knew that my God held my right hand and was the one who helped me (Isaiah 41:13).  I have seen Israel’s hope with my own two eyes.  And I have seen Israel’s hope with my heart, as well.

So, friend, take advice from an old man who will soon die.  Wait on the Lord.  He is never slack, yet never premature in his fulfillment of his promises.  Yet, be sure of this, he will keep the promise he has made.  For his promises are always “Yes” and “Amen” in that child that I held in my arms.  If you ever doubt God’s promise to you that he has made in his word, think of me.  Think of my days of waiting.  Even more, think of that child.  The Messiah.  Who grew, and lived the life of obedience that I could never live (no matter how hard I tried!), and then died for all my moments of weak, silly unbelief.  And his resurrection speaks to you and I.  It is the great, “Yes!” to the promise.  Believe, believe, believe!  You shall see salvation, perhaps at a distance for now.  But soon, face to face.

“Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen you salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and for glory to your people Israel” -Luke 2:29-32

Spencer Harmon